My friend found a random zebra print body suit that she wore with sunglasses and a red boa. When people asked he what she was, she just said, “Awesome.”

It’s time for your laziness to pay off. As you have conveniently forgotten to take out the recycling for the past three Monday’s in a row, the time has come when you can finally seek justification for your laziness. Safely fasten your scuba mask and dive into that overflowing blue box of cardboard waste of yours, piled to the brim with used toilet paper rolls, rinsed-out yogurt containers and 5-year-old milk cartons far past their expiration date recently discovered behind the leftovers in your fridge.

Rummage through the contents of your recycling bin for those three or four empty cereal boxes, still in tact, excluding the Family-sized cheerios box that has been ripped to “Shreddies” in order to salvage the free movie ticket coupon on the back of the box.

Once you have retrieved your gold doubloons and resurfaced for air, it is now time to put those countless nights of “take-in” to use. Cautiously cross over to the other side of your kitchen, approach the deceitful drawer that loves to slide out of place every time you pull it open and surprise yourself with your own strength when food is involved, and reach blindly into that drawer, past the individual packets of soya sauce, fortune-cookie crumbs, splinter-inducing chopsticks, leaking pouches of warm ketchup (because it just doesn’t taste the same when it hasn’t been found at the bottom of a brown paper Wendy’s bag, laying peacefully in a heated pool of excess fry-grease and burger-sweat), until you have spotted your target of flimsy butter knives, each nestled in their own personal bubbles of plastic-wrap.

Knives and boxes in tow, you are 2/3 on your way to the perfect “last-minute Halloween Costume”. It is time for “la piece de la resistance”, the glue that holds this party-popping, mouth-dropping, show-stopping disguise together. A little creative genius is needed for this final third as well. You will need a few pieces of red construction paper (note: if none is available, construction paper may be substituted for the notepad sitting by your telephone dyed with red sharpie). Think back to elementary school art class for creative inspiration and then go to town, cutting out big splotches of different shapes and sizes.

Finally, with all three parts complete, it is time to assemble to final product. Tape the red splotches onto the cereal boxes (once again, if budget-cuts have left your apartment “tapeless”, you may use the gum you are currently chewing as a binding system). Next, stab the blunted knives into the splotches until they puncture the cereal box barrier as well. Attach the pulverized boxes to a white apron that has been previously blood-stained from your previous thanksgiving turkey carving attempt, a few weeks earlier, and voila!

You have yourself a “Cereal Killer”

AWESOME!