Monthly Archives: November 2009

Brother, I’ve made a lot of macaroni. Yes, for a four-year period back in college I became a regular kitchen whiz at cracking open that flimsy cardboard box of thin, rock-hard noodles, boiling them up to a perfect al dente, … Continue reading →

They’re short and there’s nothing they can do about it except learn to live with their crazy shortness. For this reason, we respect them and think they’re cool. If you’re really, really short, you feel it, because this is your … Continue reading →

Pepperoni fumes fill the air as you swerve and curve your way home. Yes, that hot bulky square of cardboard filled with zesty sauce and bubbling mozzarella heats your legs and gets your stomach rumbling for a delicious dinner that … Continue reading →

Sure, sure, we’re all honest people here. You and me, we’re driving the speed limit, crossing at crosswalks, and never double parking. But that doesn’t mean we don’t like bonus fries, extra-scoopy ice cream, or double cheese on our subs, … Continue reading →

Skip the shock. People, we’ve chatted before about how bad your feet have it. Face it, they’ve been through a lot today so there’s no need to nail them with a blast of cold air before bed. Instead, just tuck … Continue reading →

Maybe a quiet haze drifts in your dorm as you worry about upcoming exams and patchy friendships. Maybe your heart just got flattened by a runaway relationship and the knots in your stomach are twisting and burning. Or maybe you’re trekking … Continue reading →

With a dropped jaw, buggy eyes, and sweaty palms your hot, salty head pops up from your warm pillow in a heart-pounding state of emergency. After a second of massively intense panic where you zoom into brain-rushing, adrenaline-gushing overdrive, it … Continue reading →

Do you remember your Worst Sleep Ever? Man, I sure do. I tell you, it was back when I was in college and a few friends and I drove a skiddy van across a snowy highway in the middle of … Continue reading →

Time is an illusion. Baby, we’re all just spinning, gninnips, spinning. Electrons spinning in our tall, fleshy bodies, spinning on our big, wet rock, spinning in our bright, white solar system, spinning in our deep, dark galaxy, spinning in our … Continue reading →

It happened late last night. Cruising down the highway, heading home from the airport, my friend Shiv absentmindedly rifled through my passenger side door full of old computer-printed directions, parking stubs, and cracked jewel cases. “What’s this?”, she asked, popping … Continue reading →