Monthly Archives: January 2010

Stepping on someone else’s sharp, jabby toenail shard is a painful and disgusting moment. Basically, it has the same creep-out factor as poking a dead bee laying in your windowsill or accidentally crushing a hollow, dusty skull on your tour … Continue reading →

It’s just so satisfying to look down at the clumps of hair shards covering the floor of the salon and think to yourself “That just came off of me!” Of course, the runner up to this feeling is when you … Continue reading →

Walk into a grocery store and you’re surrounded by freshly misted lettuce, bubbling lobster tanks, and hot croissants rolling out of the oven. With your pupils dilated and mouth watering, there’s nothing finer than rolling your crookedy-wheel cart by the … Continue reading →

Peel back that mildewy curtain and let’s get down to business. Freshly soaped and squeaky clean your wet n’ steamy self towels dry and rolls on some Stink-B-Gone deodorant. But just before you pop from the hot steamroom into the … Continue reading →

Sorry, you need my email address? Sure, no problem open house real estate agent, clothing store mailing list, or random membership-required website. Hit me up at idontcheckthisaccount @sorryaboutthat.com AWESOME! Pre-Order The Book of Awesome Photo from: here

Because at that moment you go from a greasy slack-jawed popcorn-kernel-n-sweatpants covered couch potato to a fast-talking screenwriter with sharp eyes, a whizzing mind, and a backup second career. AWESOME! Pre-Order The Book of Awesome Photo from: here

Diced tomatoes? Sure, Aisle 6, three quarters of the way back, two shelves below the kidney beans. They’re on sale this week. AWESOME! Pre-Order The Book of Awesome Photo from: here

Okay, you know how good it feels when you peel your socks off at the end of the day? You know how your crinkly leg hairs all get a chance to relax, stretch out, and breathe a sigh of relief? … Continue reading →

If your bad back, busted ankle, or bum knee is keeping you off the courts, then get ready to lean back in your desk chair and reminisce about the game you loved… Just crumple that hot inky sheet yanked from … Continue reading →

Peek outside on a snowy afternoon and the world moves in slow motion. Jumbo flakes float to the ground and coat your cracked sidewalks and patchy lawns in a thin blanket of bright white. Winds whisper through the willows as you … Continue reading →