For me, I’m completely sucked in anytime I accidentally stumble on A League of Their Own while flipping channels. Yes, watching Tom Hanks and Geena Davis scratch out wins on the ball diamond always hooks me like a fish ’til the credits roll.
See, glue movies are any movie you can’t stop watching whenever you see them on TV.
Nope, don’t matter how many times you’ve seen ‘em, don’t matter if you own ‘em already — just forget the laundry, skip the dishes, and make your lunch tomorrow, people. You’re stuck in a glue movie so start popping corn and pouring Pepsis because you ain’t going anywhere.
Now, I was chilling in my friend Nick and Julie’s basement apartment the other night when we started chatting about glue movies. After I spent five minutes spilling potato chip crumbs all over my T-shirt while describing Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell’s on field chemistry, Nick started up a rant of his own.
“You know, you would think my glue movie would be The Usual Suspects,” he began. “I can pick it up anywhere and knowing the twist makes every scene more interesting. Like, what’s true, what’s made up? I’ve seen it twenty times and I still don’t know. But then again, it’s completely unwatchable when edited for television. In the police line-up scene they say something like ‘Hand me the keys, you giant cockroach.‘ It’s awful. So… now that I think about it my glue movie is definitely Heat. Long movie, understated performance by Deniro, the best bank robbing scene in history, and enough relationship stuff so Julie gets into it.”
It was a good argument and Nick was satisfied with it. He took a long swig of his drink and nodded his head a little bit as he came to terms with his glue movie selection. Then I performed a classy Thumb & Index Finger Pre-Lick, we let a minute pass in silence, and Julie went off like a rocket:
“My movie is definitely The Mighty Ducks 2,” she started, excitedly. Nick and I looked at each other but she ramped up. “Look, I’m smiling just thinking about it. I had a crush on all the boys from the first movie, but I can only responsibly love them closer to the legal age of consent. Plus, they had a girl on the team and I always dreamed of being that female hero. And I generally love movies with kids because they remind you of actors before they were big. I mean, I loved Joshua Jackson in Dawson’s Creek because of the ducks,” she finished.
“Oh yeah!” she beamed. “And the movie taught me everything I know about hockey which can be summarized in three words: Ducks fly together. This is what I yell whenever Nick’s watching hockey.”
We smiled and laughed because it was clear these movies really do hold a special place in our hearts.
Maybe you’re glued to the screen waiting for the redemption in Shawshank, nervous for the courtroom drama in My Cousin Vinny, or eager for the trip home in Adventures in Babysitting.
But no matter what, watching your glue movie is like hanging out with an old friend who pops by for an unexpected visit. After pouring a drink and settling into your couch dent, the memory pops and nostalgia drops start sparking and sizzling in your brain. Suddenly you’re reminded of drives to the movies in mom’s minivan, crashing on the couch with friends, or sharing an old fave with a new flame.
So stick with your glue movies, everybody.
They’ll be yours forever.
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