Monthly Archives: October 2010

Level 0. Real cobwebs, one pumpkin lying on the porch that isn’t carved, lollipops in a popcorn bowl. Level 1. Fake stringy cobwebs across the front door, carved jack-o-lantern lying on the porch, plastic Halloween-themed sign on the door, mini … Continue reading →

Congratulations! You just doubled the size of your essay in about three seconds. You get an A for AWESOME!

Admit it. You’ve done the sniff test. Sure, while shuffling through a mish-mashed drawer of balled up sweatsocks and stained undershirts a few minutes ago you started panicking when you thought there was nothing left. Soon your mind started racing … Continue reading →

Suddenly your private one-liner is granted objective joke-telling credibility. Way to hold court in the bank lineup, crack up the ladies behind the sandwich counter, or leave the old guys at the urinals in stitches. Way to walk in here … Continue reading →

My friend Matt went on a rant over the weekend. “Do you realize how dangerous revolving doors are?” he began, with big popping eyes, concerned eyebrows, and a thick foamstache on his upper lip from the cappuccino he was sipping. … Continue reading →

Wake me up. Take off my pyjamas. Put a shirt on me. Pull up my pants. Do up my zipper. Tie my shoes. Make me breakfast. Wash my hands. Put me in the car seat. Buckle me up. Blow my … Continue reading →

It’s a tiny paper-wrapped bar of soap, mesh bag of gold coin chocolates, Teddy Bear dressed as a Buckingham Palace guard, little foam shoe shiner thing, clicky-pen with a conference logo printed on it, mini bottle of maple syrup, matches … Continue reading →

Candy doesn’t deliver. Since Emperor Nero sent slaves into the mountains for ice to mix with honey and nuts two thousand years ago, we’ve all enjoyed cooling off with big bowls of the sweet and icy treat. Yup, Arabs started … Continue reading →

You waited a long time. Cruising backwards in your baby seat, strapped into your toddler chair, sharing the bench with your little brother on those long drives downtown, you spent years putting up with child locks, bad views, and barf … Continue reading →

There’s something in the dark. Floors creak and doors squeak as furnaces click and ticking clocks tick. Fridges hum and oven burners pop as garage doors close and footsteps flip flop. Sometimes it sounds like there’s a monster hiding deep … Continue reading →