#383 The Moon

Everyone loves the sun.

Plants, light, tanlines, we get it, we get it. But, you know what? Today’s the day to give props to that other big guy floating up in the sky. Yes, we say the Moon’s worth respecting for a few big reasons:

1. Lights up the night. Sure, the moon isn’t as bright as the sun but he’s still a friendly flashlight on dark nights. If you’ve ever been lost on a boyscout trip in the forest, driven down a pitch black country road, or taken a midnight pee at the campsite, you know what we’re talking about. Smile as those flickery white shadows glimmer off twigs and branches to help you avoid tumbling down the rocky cliffside.

2. Turn the tides. The moon’s constant gravitational yanking gives us choppy ocean tides all day long. Tides allow some species to lay eggs, others to ride the waves, and, most importantly, add important time pressures to sand castle competitions. Without them our oceans — and indeed, our lives — would be flat and dreary.

3. Get out of late free card. There’s something beautiful about seeing the moon hanging around a clear blue morning sky. It’s kind of like that coffee shop employee who chills behind the counter after her shift, pouring a few more drinks in her winter jacket before heading home. “Yeah, yeah, I know the sun’s here,” she seems to say. “Just want to make sure everything’s cool before I take off.” Also, as everyone knows, it’s impossible to be late for work when the moon’s still out because it’s not officially daytime yet. Be sure to check your Rules of Life pocketbook if you need clarification on this important matter.

4. Toss the Timex. The moon’s waxing and waning keep our dates in check, thank you very much. According to our egghead pals at Wikipedia the moon even formed the basis of the world’s first calendars with 13,000 year old eagle-bone relics dug up in Le Placard, France. That’s why our current months are estimates of the lunar cycle and why moon and month are from the same root. Word to your dictionary.

5. Let’s get nuts. Both lunacy and loony are derived from Luna, the Latin name for the Moon. Ancient googly-eyed nerds Aristotle and Pliny the Elder thought full moons made people nuts because our brains are mostly water and therefore we get the same Earth-Moon tidal forces in our heads. Well, the jury’s still out on that one, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of spice in life, so when that full moon comes around feel free to bulge your eyeballs, act like a caveman, or wear your wacky purple tie to the office meeting.

Sometimes our home planet can seem like a lonely base, spinning in place, floating through space. But when you stare out your bedroom window, up into the distant forever reaches of infinite darkness, remember we’ve got a friend riding with us everywhere we go. Yes, the Moon’s our lunchtime pal in the giant universal cafeteria and our seatmate at the back of the big bang bus. So when it seems like the big blackness is lonely, when it seems like we’re far from home, well just remember that the Moon’s always beside us… as we ride into the deep unknown.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

#384 Intense post-Halloween candy trades

You came, you dressed up, you conquered.

Now you’re walking around with bloodshot eyes and a gumball headache as you pack Princess costumes into boxes, peel decorations off the door, and get ready for the important business of sorting through your loot.

Now it’s time to focus. FOCUS. Work through that Halloween hangover and steady your nerves because it’s time to strike some big deals. Maybe a candy currency system even emerges amongst all your siblings and friends:

Large size chocolate bar: 20 points

Loot bag full of assorted treats: +/- 15 points depending on size of bag

Fun size chips or Doritos: 10 points

Popcorn ball: 6 points

Reese Peanut Butter Cup: 5 points (especially valuable if special Halloween version)

All other mini candy bars: 4 points

Little pack of fuzzy peaches or sour gummies: 4 points

Cake items such as Twinkies: 3 points

Two-pack of rock hard gum: 2 points

Licorice: 2 points

Caramels from a big well-known caramel company: 2 points

Lollipops: 2 points (Note: Possible points premium for large sizes or rare rainbow-colored lollipops.)

Lollipops with chewy stuff in the middle: Either 1 point or -2 points depending on whether you have braces

Caramels in clear plastic wrap that are overly sticky and have no name on it and taste like burnt sugar: 1 point

Tootsie Rolls: 1 point

Lemon flavoured anything: 0 points.

Pen from guy who sells real estate: 0 points

Anything healthy including raisins or apples: 0 points

Weird chewy generic halloween candy: -1 point.

So pour out your pillowcase and get ready for some high stakes deals on the basement floor. Don’t forget to keep your personal favorites a secret or you’ll pay a fool’s ransom. (If you sacrifice three bags of chips for a Twinkie, you’ve been had.) Lastly, know who you’re up against  — does anyone have nut allergies or unhealthy addictions to lime flavoring?

Bottom line: Get in there and get deal-making. Get in there and get teeth-breaking. Get in there and get

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here