#276 Waiters and waitresses who know the menu really well

I’d make a bad waiter.

Yeah, balancing wobbly trays of wet glasses, slipping and sliding on slick kitchen floors, and rushing for refills after refills is just way above my abilities. Of course, sometimes when you hit your local eating trough you meet other waiters and waitresses over their head too. Like for instance:

1. No-Notepad Nathan. This is the guy who listens to everyone’s order without writing anything down. At first, you’re really impressed, but the wow factor disappears when all the meals come out wrong.

2. Disappearing Diane. She’s a great waitress during drinks and dinner, but after that — poof! — it’s like a cloud of smoke explodes and she just vanishes. Dirty dishes linger and you’re stuck walking around aimlessly, shoulder-tapping anyone in an apron looking for the bill.

3. Spilly Sonia. Watch out when that chicken noodle soup, soda refill, or gravy bowl arrives. Sonia is a bit of a klutz so you can expect lots of sauce smears, rogue fries, and wet glasses.

Yes, eating out ain’t easy and you never know what you’re gonna get. But that’s what makes it so great when you score a good one. Waiters and waitresses who know the menu really well help give us great times, great moments, and great nights. Confident recommendations, cautions against bad picks, and portion size estimates help us out.

So! To all those waiters and waitresses out there who know the menu really well … thanks for being there.

We hereby declare you


Hey everyone! There are just a few weeks left to pre-order The Book of (Even More) Awesome and receive your free package of treats in the mail from me and my sister. Try Indigo in Canada, Amazon in the US, or anywhere else! Pre-orders help give us a shot at bestseller lists so a massive thanks to everyone who orders. Also, you can read a free sample here! Thank you again sincerely. – Neil

Photos from: here and here

35 thoughts on “#276 Waiters and waitresses who know the menu really well

  1. Hi!

    What do we have to do in order to get the box of treats? I preordered two books through Amazon so I could get some benefits and haven’t heard anything…do I need to order 3? What’s the magic number? :)

    1. :-(
      I only ordered one, so I don’t get any good stuff.
      But I do believe that you only needed to order 2 to get some ‘treats,’ but I’m sure that it takes Neil and his sis some time to get everything together for everyone that has ordered. Be patient….it will be there.

  2. Politically incorrect, they should be called servers. My hippie English teacher didn’t burn her bra in the 70’s for nothing’!!!

  3. All my awesome waitress friends gets mad at me about this, But you totally forgot one Neil! No refill Rachel (or whatever) She’s the one who fills your glass in the beginning of the meal, and never ever again, even when you ask over and over and….

    1. Totally agree! I think it says a lot when a waitron (is that PC, jasmine? :)) is willing to give you a confident recommendation about something on the menu.

      When I’m at a place for the first time, and I can’t decide between a few items, I really like to ask the waiter or waitress if they’d have a preference between the two.. I LOVE it when they say something like: “The crab cakes.. DEFINITELY!” It makes me really excited about my order, and feel like I narrowly avoided an order disaster by almost ordering the other option.

      1. Waitron!!! I love it! It makes me thing of a future where eateries are staffed by robots. Your waitron will beam your order to you in just a moment.

  4. Tissues and their wastage may cause loads of pollution but they are yoga for the hungry!!!!!!! 😀

  5. No-Notepad Nathan makes me nervous because I’m always afraid to send food back no matter how wrong it is. I don’t want them to spit in my food or throw it on the floor or something.
    Disappearing Diane…… Oh she just makes me so mad. When this happens, I always try to find the manager to give us our bill if he/she is there. If I see ‘Diane’ helping other, that’s not a big deal, but to see her go outside for a smoke break that lasts 20 minutes…..that’s just crossing the line.

    The waiters that know the menu really well and can tell me how my meal is cooked or the sides it comes with without even hesitating…now that is really awesome and it always does amaze me.

  6. In my hometown, there was a server at the chinese restaurant who would give tips on what was good, and what extras to request with it to make it even better.

  7. Dealing with the public is a tough job so I tend to give “servers” some slack. All this talk of restaurants makes me want a grilled cheese!

  8. Now if only everyone who thought great servers were awesome would reflect it in their tip… : )
    (FYI, most servers make a wage of a couple of dollars that becomes $0 after taxes–they count on tips as their wage.)

    1. I’m an awesome tipper, if my server is awesome. If I have a great server that is always there, doesn’t get the orders wrong, is polite, brings the refils when needed without having to be asked….I am an excellent tipper, cuz they sooooo deserve it.

  9. yay! I’m a waitress, and I help out the customer when selecting all the time, I work at wings place and sometimes customers leave their wing flavor up to me (we have 30 flavors) sometimes I get nervous they won’t like what I pick, but they never complain! This post makes me feel awesome! Thanks!!

  10. Thank you :) love this as us waitresses get forgotten a lot! It almost feels personal

    I hope I am a good waitress, I know my menu’s back to front and inside out, I try to check my tables as often as possible and make sure drinks are topped up. I clear and offer desserts and coffee, there is definitely no waiting around. xx

  11. I just started working at a Brugger’s, and while I can’t listen to more than three orders at once, I hope to get to that point!

    What about awesome customers!? I have so many customers who are so friendly and patient; it really makes up for the guy who orders 5 different sandwiches 5 different ways and gets angry when I need him to clarify.

  12. I have been EVERY SINGLE ONE of those waiters, until I realized that as a server, you act as the liaison between the guest and the restaurant, and although your position feels menial, it is the exact opposite. You are the owner. You are the chef. You are the coat check. You are the bus boy. You are the face of the restaurant. Once I realized that people actually got up off their couch, got dressed, called their friends (sometimes weeks in advance) and headed on down to where I work, I had the tremendous responsibility of either making their evening worth remembering, or one they’d like to forget. I was the greatest waiter ever haha but that’s like being the smartest monkey in the zoo… JK servers!! Keep doing what you’re doing. Be professional. Take it seriously. With great power comes great responsibility. Don’t be average… be awesome!

  13. I just wanted to say that I love that you used a screen shot from Waitress for this entry as Waitress is a great film ^_^

    Also, this blog is, well for the lack of a better word, awesome

    1. Agree! Spontaneous poem #276…
      I love good waitresses
      I love awesome things
      I love that it’s snowing here
      Even though it’s Spring

  14. Hi,
    Maybe is it because i’m french,
    But i’m very shocked by your title.
    You said “waiters” before “waitresses”, and i’m sorry, but the feminine must be in first place in every sentence.
    And by the way, i love your blog and it’s in my bookmarks, so it’s not an offence at all, it’s the only thing i’m upset about :)

  15. It is always smart to write down what you are ordering even if the waitress is really smart because at the end of the day the waitress is still only human just like us the are not computers so what do you expect!

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