Monthly Archives: July 2011

You can’t fake a peach. Juice and candy companies keep trying with their Fuzzy Peach gummies and sugary peach drinks. But those molar-clogging sugar clumps never do the real peach justice. They’re an insult to peaches everywhere and mock the … Continue reading →

Keep the poo outside. Hon, we all agreed on this hundreds of years ago and beyond when we scooted outside whenever nature called. Outhouses were the norm and everyone put on slippers and blindly stepped through flower gardens whenever they … Continue reading →

It happened last night. Leslie and I were walking around a new neighborhood when we strolled past a giant restaurant window with a tall guy in a paper hat standing inside. He was swiping a tiny windshield wiper across a … Continue reading →

Here comes the rain. Black clouds cover the sky before jumbo drops start pounding down all around you. Drenching clothes, splashing windows, everyone runs for cover with wet cheeks and rain hair. And when giant cracks of lightning suddenly splinter … Continue reading →

Picture this. You’re biking down the leaf-slicked sidestreets of your hometown when you suddenly lose your balance and fly head first over the handlebars straight into the curb. You smack it hard and are left lying in a twisted mess … Continue reading →

I love burritos. Wrap a chewy tortilla around a slopful of sticky beans, blackened chicken, and creamy guacamole and that’s a pretty fine lunch. Hey, squirt some sour cream in there, sprinkle grated cheese, and splat some salsa on and … Continue reading →

You just sounded like a pig. AWESOME!

It’s like throat glue. After you finish scraping the chocolate icing off the plate and fingering up every last crumb, it suddenly hits you that your entire face and mouth is smeared with the brown and pasty. Molars have new … Continue reading →

Welcome to the place where nobody knows your name. 1. The Boring Party. You’re watching Saturday Night Live on the couch or hanging by the punch table at prom while everyone else dances up a sweat to The Power, Informer, … Continue reading →

There’s always one. It’s the lady who’s been there since the war with glasses perched on her nose and the framed photo of her kids from twenty years ago on her desk. Sure, she might have gray hair, she might … Continue reading →