Monthly Archives: December 2011

Do you remember RSVPs? Yes, back in second grade when I scored a birthday party invite there was some social protocol that followed. I put the brightly colored cardboard on the fridge, we checked the kitchen calendar, and my mom … Continue reading →

Pink sunrises over shimmering seas, cracking storms booming over mountaintops, deep blues dimming as the winters freeze, stars twinkling high as your brain just … stops. How high is high, how far does it go, why do clouds smear like … Continue reading →

Do you ever get the Sheet Twister going? That’s where you open your eyes in the morning to discover your pajamas halfway up your stomach, your arms dented with pillow zippers, and most of the sheets mysteriously twisted around one … Continue reading →

Illustration from Monsieur Cabinet

What are your brainjam words? For me, I mix up ‘know’ and ‘now’ every single time I use them. Yes, some neural pathways fused together in my brain twenty years ago and since then I always do a three-second triple-check-stutter-step … Continue reading →

There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned holiday hissy fit in an elbow-to-elbow packed mall to help soothe your fraying nerves. Whether it’s the snotty-nosed toddler wailing on Santa’s lap, the sweaty snowsuit screamer on the floor of the toys section, … Continue reading →

New jeans feel like cardboard. Nope, they don’t bend around your body and don’t break around your butt. They just hold you tight in their Blue Deathgrip of Stiffness until three months of wearing them without washing results in faded … Continue reading →

AWESOME! The Book of Awesome is now out in Brazil! (And it’s still #1 on the bestseller list — 20 months later!) Check out the trailer below.

Babies are explorers. Wombs expand to rooms which open into homes and unknowns. I always think tiny newborns swaddled in strollers on the sidewalk probably feel like astronauts on the furthest edges of the universe. Sky water, ear-shattering bangs, and … Continue reading →

Welcome to the throne. For years you toiled as a lowly pauper under the rule of another castle. Sure, maybe the leaders of your old kingdom ruled with a fair hand but there were times your ideas and their ideas … Continue reading →