#999 That last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

Kick-starting a bag of potato chips is pretty much standard — you open with the double-pincer, squeeze-and-pop technique, start fishing out the prime, full-bodied chips at the top of the heap, and then start working your way down to the half-broken chips in the middle of the bag. A few minutes in you’ve chomped your way down to the bottom and you might think you’re pretty much done.

But that’s just the beginning.

That’s when you get to the best part, that’s when you get to that last, crumby triangle of potato chips wedged right in the corner of the bag. You know what I’m talking about. Usually at this point your lips and face are covered in grease-crumbs and your fingers are neon orange, coated in a thin film of salty saliva.

That delicious patch of potato powder is all yours, but to get it you haMirrory Wellve to get a bit dirty:

  • First of all, you won’t be able to see your fingers down that crinkly, mirrory well so you have to tilt the bag sideways and size up that crumby triangle for what it’s worth. See what you’re dealing with here. Commit to a game plan.
  • Next, even though your fingers might already be wet at this point, it’s best to be safe with the ol’ Thumb & Index Finger Pre-Lick. Come on, slide them right in and out of your mouth, don’t be shy. Remember: the crumbs are in there deep, and your slightly sticky spit-glue will help mine the greasy plunder.
  • Next — attack! Wedge your wet thumb and forefinger in there hard, and squeeze until you feel like you’ve got most of it. Then pull out quick, and in one swift move sweep and drop that last, crumby triangle right onto your tongue, making sure to lick the stubborn remains off your fingers while saying Mmmm a lot.

And you’re done!

Exhibit A

Now, while the Thumb & Index Corner Pinch move is grittier and more explosive, there is a backup technique that will still get the job done if you don’t like to get your hands dirty. Those in the biz know what I’m talking about: The Dump-Truck Bag-Tilt Maneuver. This one requires two hands, a gaping mouth, and a forty-five degree angle to turn the trick. You can use it alone or in tandem.

But either way, almost entirely composed of salt and artificial flavor, that last crumby, triangle packs a full flavor finishing move, unlike the watered down sip at the end of a soft drink cup, the stump at the bottom of a muffin, or the toothbreaking kernals hiding in that last handful of popcorn.

AWESOME!

The Book of Awesome has spent over 110 straight weeks on the bestseller list!

41 thoughts on “#999 That last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

  1. I think the only thing that tops that potato chip last burst of pleasure is the one at the bottom of the pretzel bag. An index finger inserted into the corner of that bag brings back salty goodness for many minutes.

    1. Oh yeah, good call Deborah! Especially if the salt is like those tiny little cubes, you know? Like mini salt licks.

  2. Bestseller for 110 weeks! That’s about as awesome as a hippopotamus on a helicopter!

    …I mean… um…

    Yeah. I’ll just leave the “Awesome” things to you, Neil. ;)

    1. Hippo on a helicopter? Now, that’s something I would like to see! It’d have to be a baby hippo…or a big helicopter.

      Congrats Neil for 110 weeks!! That’s gotta be a record or something, right?

      1. Thanks, lovethebadguy! Thanks, Bekah! I smell a kid’s book in here somewhere.

        “A hippopotamus waving hello on a helium helicopter in Hungary.” by lovethebadguy.

        1. Today is brought to you by the letter “H”

          I just know that lovethebadguy is going to have a book one day. Even if its a book of short stories, I bet it’ll still do great.

        2. I’d read that book. Sure do love that letter “H”. Helium helicopters are also pretty groovy. I want one.

  3. Oh, no… you used that picture again of an empty chip bag. I gotta tell ya, the first time I saw it, I couldn’t for the life of me tell what it was.

    Tipping the bag up and letting the crumps slide into your mouth is what its all about. Isn’t that the whole point of finishing off a bag of chips? Its always the best bite too…. ok the second best. The first bite is the best.

  4. I’ve got two bags of chips sitting in my room right now…. I think I might just need to enjoy one today to experience this awesome. ;)

    Congratulations also with over 110 weeks on the bestseller list! That is insanely awesome indeed~!

  5. Ack! I’m already late to the party. I’m glad I only missed 1 day! :)

    Good to see a lot of familiar faces!

    On the topic of this post – just this weekend, I was at the car wash, and was sitting on the bench waiting for my car.. (here in SoCal, most of the car washes aren’t of the standard drive-through variety of my youth, but are places where you drop off you car and it’s hand washed.. takes about 15 minutes..)

    At any rate, sitting next to a kid and her dad, and she’s eating a bag of cheetos. And every now and then, the dad takes 1 or two.. as she’s about done with the bag, her dad looks over, and her right hand is 100% completely bright orange.. not just the finger tips.. the WHOLE HAND.. and he just starts laughing, and saying: “How on earth do you do that to you hand?” He looks down at his own, which is totally clean, with maybe just a touch of residue on the tops of his fingers..

    The little girls just replies: “Yeah – I like waiting to the end before I like off my hand”. And then she proceeded to get a second course of cheeto dust by polishing off her hand.

    Good times.

    1. Hey, Freddo!
      I bet that was a site to see. My daughter does the same thing, but probably not for the same reason. Here’s a direct quote from her. “I don’t like to get my spit on my cheetos before I eat them.” So she’ll go the entire time without licking her fingers. She saves it for when she’s done.

    2. After my daughter’s 13th birthday party we found orange cheeto fingerprints around the house for days.

      Meanwhile, today’s post reminds me that my quest for ketchup chips continues…

      So awesome to be back!! I missed everyone :o)

        1. When I first read this comment I thought it said: “they’re as common as maple syrup ON poutine.”

          I was thinking: Wow – the recipe for poutine sure has changed since I was last in Canada!

        2. My brother recently moved back to Canada after 20 years States-side, and I got to introduce him to All-Dressed chips!

        3. All dressed are my fav! Also fan of ketchup. Never heard of roasted chicken chips before.

  6. Amazing, I just discovered you on http://www.ted.com … how have I been in the dark about this great website/book? I am Canadian, living in the US and so missing Canadian KETCHUP chips… And your red fingers indicate that this is what you were eating! So sour at the bottom! I love that part! Thanks for your uplifting speach & blog. Bless you sir!

  7. The noble art of potato chip eating. It requires great skill and patience. Congratulations on being on the bestseller list for over 110 straight weeks! That’s quite the awesome achievement.

  8. I love that the picture is ketchup chips! I have a bag of ketchup chips right now! They are so good!

      1. Well, wait just a second, you’re confusing me. Are you Becca, or are you Lynn? Did you parents name you Lynn, but you wanted to be named Becca? I think we need an explanation here! ;)

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