#950 Big, fat asses

And that's a good thing!

This ain’t no party line.

Let’s not talk about how you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you look like, or how it’s what’s inside that counts. Let’s talk about the big ol’ side of ham hanging out the back of your pants. That’s a great side of ham for five big reasons:

1. Built-in seat cushion. Everywhere you go, everywhere you sit, things are just a bit more cushy. Tough bicycle seats on long bike rides, waiting chairs at the doctor’s office, the hard plastic fold-downs at the baseball game — yes, they all transform into soft and comfortable relax-o-sits. Practical and convenient.

2. You last the longest after a crash landing in the mountains. The skinny, bony people on your rugby team won’t last long camping out and shivering in the hollow, burnt-out fuselage. No, the harsh, unforgiving Andes will eat them right up. But your generous reserves will kick-in and start feeding the rest of your body so you’ll have more energy to flag down a plane.

3. Baby got baby. Larger rears often mean wider hips on women which means a body riper for fertility and making babies. If you want to have kids, you might find it a bit easier to do so. And hey, some of us wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for fat asses, so give it up, y’all.

4. Better conga line caboose. Say you’re at a wedding and Feeling hot! hot! hot! comes on. The crowd cheers and a giant, winding conga line begins snaking around the dance floor. Well, my friend, that big, fat ass you got is the best caboose on that conga line. So I say shake it. Nobody wants to see a rail-thin toothpick awkwardly shimmying at the back of the line. No, they want to see someone just loving it, just getting right into it, just shaking their ass like there’s no tomorrow. Olé, olé, indeed.

5. Say no to diabetes. According to these eggheads at Harvard, folks with a larger rear end may have a smaller chance of getting diabetes. Yeah, they call it subcutaneous fat, and it apparently helps improve sensitivity to insulin, which helps keep blood sugar in check. Thanks, Harvard! And thanks, fat ass!

So if you have a big, fat ass, I say love it for real. Because your big, fat ass is keeping you comfortable, helping you survive, pumping out babies, getting the dance floor hopping, and keeping diabetes in check. Just tell me that’s not

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

Happy Friday, everyone!

Let’s have some fun this weekend!

Want to win a free copy of The 2013 Calendar of Awesome?

Just submit an awesome thing in a comment below and one random winner will be picked next week. You can submit as many awesome things as you like! Just make sure you enter your real email address so we have a way of contacting you if you win!

Good luck!

Neil

p.s. If you order The 2013 Calendar of Awesome directly from the publisher here, you can type in ‘Awesome’ (without the quotes) at the checkout to get 25% off! Also available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble

170 Comments

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170 responses to “#950 Big, fat asses

  1. Cindy D.

    Waking up feeling super-productive from jet-lag!

  2. wendy

    listening to a baby laugh in their sleep!

  3. wendy

    Trying on something in the store and it looks better on you than it did on the mannequin:))).

  4. wendy

    A family of deer letting you share the same path!

  5. wendy

    puppy grunts!

  6. Tehra Lauer

    Your child’s first Christmas when they are old enough to know what’s going on and get really excited (in turn reigniting the excitement inside you).

  7. wendy

    winning fair and square

  8. wendy

    I know it wasonce said,Flying over mountains but what about looking out at,hiking on,following a stream down and gazing out over for strength… Mountains!

  9. wendy

    agreen thumb to grow awesomeplants and gardens!
    Not literally, silly! That is not awesome!

  10. wendy

    A blogger’sbutt!similar to #1 but not exactly the same, yet necessaryat times like the night awesome hit #1…1st.time around…perhaps a new category, the long haul?!*

  11. wendy

    EYE Balls
    you just have to agree!

  12. lovestocomment

    waking up early in the morning, seeing the clock, and snuggling back into that blanket because you are still some time away from your wake up time..
    AWESOME!!

  13. My brain converted it to: “Big, fat donkeys”, and I was left wondering why large donkeys are awesome while the page loaded.

    So my AWESOME thing: Funny misunderstandings!

    • wendy

      my brain conversion to yours,
      how’d she get that? was there a pic of a donkey’s…..? ohhhh,i see:)

      *Hearing a brain fart and then the fog clears~ awesome!

  14. When you tear into the paper cover on a straw and find that it is a bendy straw instead of a boring straight one!

  15. Getting into clean sheets after a shower

  16. The first shower after you’ve been sick.

  17. The smell of fresh cut grass

    • wendy

      i prefer steel hands like Edward Scissor hands and if we’re talking about BANDSbands, I LOVE steel bands too! Like Neil says in #3, Shake it, shake it, shake Senora

      Ole,ole:)))

  18. shel

    toddler kisses – the kind where they don’t really know how to pucker up so they just push their face against yours :)

    • …and they grab your face with their sticky hands and leave a deposit of drool on your cheek, which would be gross except that it makes you feel incredibly loved because it comes from such a sweet little innoncent heart.

      Now I am going to check on my tweens as they sleep in this morning. I can still see their toddler faces in their pubescent ones. Awesome!

      • wendy

        and when they sort of gobble you up kind of kiss with open mouth and tongue hanging out like a puppy dog, SOOO beautiful Awesome!!!!

  19. shel

    RSS readers – I mean, how cool is it to read all your blogs (like 1000awesomethings!) in one place without having to bookmark a gazillion sites?

  20. shel

    the first night of autumn that it’s cool enough to cozy up under a big thick down comforter when you go to sleep

  21. shel

    variety packs!

  22. shel

    instruction booklets from IKEA – the ones with all the drawings and no words that are so much clearer than anything written

  23. Mary

    seeing a celebrity you admire in person

  24. Mary

    getting into a car that’s been sitting in the sun – even on a hot day

  25. Sara Mc

    Children’s laughter.

  26. Sara Mc

    The smell of clean babies.

  27. Sara Mc

    Snuggling on the couch with your family with a fire in the fireplace and eating popcorn.

  28. Sara Mc

    Lazy days on the boat.

  29. Sara Mc

    Clear sinuses (that only happens to me minutes each year).

  30. Sara Mc

    New shoes (as many times as I want? Are you sure Neal? I’m going to keep going).

  31. Sara Mc

    Finishing crossword puzzles.

  32. Sara Mc

    Crooked smiles.

  33. Sara Mc

    Giving presents.

  34. Sara Mc

    Good hair days (with naturally curly hair and living in a humid state, this doesn’t happen very often either).

  35. Jared

    Getting free stuff at work. I had to sit through three meetings before lunch the other day, but during my second one, somebody brought out a bowl of snacks and some sodas that were left over from another meeting. It was a small gesture, but that Coke and pack of Oreos helped me get to lunch in an AWESOME way!

  36. Sara Mc

    Not being able to put a good book down. Keep telling yourself, “One more chapter – just one more chapter” until you realize it’s in the middle of the night.

  37. Sara Mc

    Crushes. I think that’s it for now. Sorry Awesome peeps. I hope I didn’t take-up too much space.

  38. wendy

    To hear a butterfly drink nectar!
    (Bekah will be here soon.I’m not sure if I should keep goiing or just order a calendar;)

  39. wendy

    when the cards are stacked against you and you blow them away!

  40. wendy

    horses and bare-back riding through nature…when your horse and you have moments of stillness and oneness with all…tis divine awesome

  41. wendy

    might not take much thought or be given much gratitude as it deserves, but Water~ Water is AWESOME!

  42. Max

    Huh… Well, when you put it that way, I guess large rears are indeed awesome. I never really thought about that before. This one really caught me by surprise. Anyway, happy Friday everyone.

    • klalota

      Happy Friday to you, Max! I have to finally tell you, I love the name Max! It’s used in an fabulous Woody Allen flick (Annie Hall). In it Tony Roberts calls Woody Max, though his character’s name is Alvy. He says, “Max, that’s a good name for you Max.” I called my cat Max after that movie. Now here I am, posting to Max! That’s Awesome! ~Kathy~

      • wendy

        Since we’re on the topic,
        My grandfather used to have a quote for people, places and things he found to be what we all refer to here as awesome~ He’d say, “Million Dollars!”
        And if you don’t mind my saying so, I think your comments Max-i-million!

        • Max

          Thanks! Wendy and Kathy are pretty awesome names too. So is klalota. I love names in general. There’s so much history and meaning behind someone’s name. I usually meet more pets than people named Max.

  43. njb

    My day is AWESOME when I come to work every morning and open up my email to see what is AWESOME each and every day!

  44. Shirt pockets (one’s fine. two’s fine,…three’s complicated)

  45. loriwilb

    belly laughs!

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