#950 Big, fat asses

And that's a good thing!

This ain’t no party line.

Let’s not talk about how you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you look like, or how it’s what’s inside that counts. Let’s talk about the big ol’ side of ham hanging out the back of your pants. That’s a great side of ham for five big reasons:

1. Built-in seat cushion. Everywhere you go, everywhere you sit, things are just a bit more cushy. Tough bicycle seats on long bike rides, waiting chairs at the doctor’s office, the hard plastic fold-downs at the baseball game — yes, they all transform into soft and comfortable relax-o-sits. Practical and convenient.

2. You last the longest after a crash landing in the mountains. The skinny, bony people on your rugby team won’t last long camping out and shivering in the hollow, burnt-out fuselage. No, the harsh, unforgiving Andes will eat them right up. But your generous reserves will kick-in and start feeding the rest of your body so you’ll have more energy to flag down a plane.

3. Baby got baby. Larger rears often mean wider hips on women which means a body riper for fertility and making babies. If you want to have kids, you might find it a bit easier to do so. And hey, some of us wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for fat asses, so give it up, y’all.

4. Better conga line caboose. Say you’re at a wedding and Feeling hot! hot! hot! comes on. The crowd cheers and a giant, winding conga line begins snaking around the dance floor. Well, my friend, that big, fat ass you got is the best caboose on that conga line. So I say shake it. Nobody wants to see a rail-thin toothpick awkwardly shimmying at the back of the line. No, they want to see someone just loving it, just getting right into it, just shaking their ass like there’s no tomorrow. Olé, olé, indeed.

5. Say no to diabetes. According to these eggheads at Harvard, folks with a larger rear end may have a smaller chance of getting diabetes. Yeah, they call it subcutaneous fat, and it apparently helps improve sensitivity to insulin, which helps keep blood sugar in check. Thanks, Harvard! And thanks, fat ass!

So if you have a big, fat ass, I say love it for real. Because your big, fat ass is keeping you comfortable, helping you survive, pumping out babies, getting the dance floor hopping, and keeping diabetes in check. Just tell me that’s not


Photos from: here and here

Happy Friday, everyone!

Let’s have some fun this weekend!

Want to win a free copy of The 2013 Calendar of Awesome?

Just submit an awesome thing in a comment below and one random winner will be picked next week. You can submit as many awesome things as you like! Just make sure you enter your real email address so we have a way of contacting you if you win!

Good luck!


p.s. If you order The 2013 Calendar of Awesome directly from the publisher here, you can type in ‘Awesome’ (without the quotes) at the checkout to get 25% off! Also available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble


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171 responses to “#950 Big, fat asses

  1. loriwilb

    clean sheets right out of the dryer!

  2. loriwilb

    kisses from little kids.

  3. Valarie

    Looking back on old photos and realizing we were ALL amazing fashion plates. :) Posting them on FB and tagging friends is extra Awesome. :)

  4. Katie

    Fruit at perfect ripeness, ideally ripe enough that it drips down your face.

  5. Katie

    When you think something will stain and it doesn’t. Surprise awesome!

  6. wendy

    ghost farts, you know they sound really eirrie and yet odorless! the best!!!

  7. wendy

    when you think you’re going to ***p yourself but it was just a fart!

  8. wendy

    when they sound like beat boxing or musical.
    *last 3 via my 6 yearold grand-baby…we will share the calendr:)))

  9. wendy

    City transit! buses,sky trains,sea buses and so on!
    AND when the driver says, never mind the money today, just go sit down, then takes off like a bat outta hehockey sticks, before you sit down, AND this is the first time you’ve taken the little one on a city bus and she says,woohoo, crazy like a fair ride….I say Free ride!!! you know what I’m talking about…

  10. klalota

    When you accidentally screw up your checkbook and overdraw your account only to have your bank send you a cheery letter explaining that they’ve covered it for you and haven’t charged you a service fee!!!! Love it!

  11. klalota

    Seeing posts from people who don’t often post, whenever Neil posts a win-a-calendar suggestion!

  12. klalota

    Awesome=The #1 post along with allllll of its many, many comments! Just read through many of the comments and they lifted my spirits! It’s almost up to 1000! And it reminds me of my great fortune this year to be feeling much better and looking toward a future filled with fun!

  13. Elly K

    Fries with special seasonings, aka “magic fries” :)

  14. Kirsten

    Hammock naps.

  15. wendy

    Brand new puppies.really cute and really small.puppy kisses!

  16. macfsh

    Back to school clothes!

  17. macfsh

    Libraries! Books, CD’s, DVD’s all free!! #Awesome

  18. Nicole

    Exchange students.
    They are just so nice and excited about every thing. There is 2 Jappenese exchange students in my class they are so funny to talk to.

  19. Kathy

    A blue moon! It’s gorgeous right now! :)

  20. wendy

    Fishing is awesome,especially when you’re the one catching the fish and the other peoplecan still be happy b/c at the end of the day, they know they get to share the fish!

  21. GG

    The moment when we realise how lucky we are…

  22. Valerie

    Seeing a rainbow on a grey, rainy day

  23. Hearing that song that gives you goosebumps!

  24. Expressing gratitude for anything.

  25. Telling someone you love them. ♥

  26. A chocolate malt with extra powder that makes a dry malty explosion when you try to pull it up in the straw!

  27. The smell of your favorite flower.

  28. Seeing a beautiful sunset with someone who also digs it.

  29. Watermelons carved into intricate sculptures!.

  30. Catherine

    Extremely Buttery Movie Theater Popcorn!

  31. Having a cat sit on you. They will never do anything they don’t want to do, so having a cat come up to you, give you a sniff and choose to sit on you is a great honour!

  32. Colin

    The first day back home

  33. wendy

    arriving sea-side at sunrise, breathing with the ebb and flow of each moment, taking in the salt water air, waiting for the tide to some in and the sun to set…. wrapping up in a blanket and delight of awesome day…

  34. wendy

    a GOOD hair cut

  35. wendy

    Love,Love, Love…

  36. wendy

    when the nights begin to cool so you can finally sleep!

  37. wendy

    As kids see it…”It’s time for awesome…~dreaming about having a butler!”
    ~6 year old Sienna:)

  38. Emmy

    Driving dangerously and surviving! Raced our friend home with my sister in the driver’s seat yesterday on the way to her 18th… was just a tiny bit scary, but so funny!

  39. Emmy

    Putting yourself out there and getting a positive response! Hope you don’t mind my self-plug but I just wanted to see what you think :)

  40. Emmy

    Being able to genuinely say you’ve had the best night of your life
    -On friday night our Music class had a dinner party, teacher and his partner and all, I have never laughed so much in my life and the food was amazing and it was just awesome
    -Last night I had my sister’s 18th birthday party and it was really relaxed and with good dancing, people, conversations, laughs and truth or dare :)
    -Today for father’s day we went out for lunch, me, my brother and dad
    Altogether it’s even one of the best weekends of my life!

  41. Emmy

    The sound of heavy rain

  42. Emmy

    New grown up experiences when you’re still a kid

  43. Emmy

    When someone thinks you’re older than you are (when you’re still really young)

  44. Emmy

    When someone thinks you’re younger than you are (when you’re actually old)

  45. Emmy

    Waking up without having your pyjamas tangled

  46. Emmy

    Meeting someone and just clicking

  47. Emmy

    Being able to laugh at yourself

  48. Emmy

    Being friends with teachers

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