#950 Big, fat asses

And that's a good thing!

This ain’t no party line.

Let’s not talk about how you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you look like, or how it’s what’s inside that counts. Let’s talk about the big ol’ side of ham hanging out the back of your pants. That’s a great side of ham for five big reasons:

1. Built-in seat cushion. Everywhere you go, everywhere you sit, things are just a bit more cushy. Tough bicycle seats on long bike rides, waiting chairs at the doctor’s office, the hard plastic fold-downs at the baseball game — yes, they all transform into soft and comfortable relax-o-sits. Practical and convenient.

2. You last the longest after a crash landing in the mountains. The skinny, bony people on your rugby team won’t last long camping out and shivering in the hollow, burnt-out fuselage. No, the harsh, unforgiving Andes will eat them right up. But your generous reserves will kick-in and start feeding the rest of your body so you’ll have more energy to flag down a plane.

3. Baby got baby. Larger rears often mean wider hips on women which means a body riper for fertility and making babies. If you want to have kids, you might find it a bit easier to do so. And hey, some of us wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for fat asses, so give it up, y’all.

4. Better conga line caboose. Say you’re at a wedding and Feeling hot! hot! hot! comes on. The crowd cheers and a giant, winding conga line begins snaking around the dance floor. Well, my friend, that big, fat ass you got is the best caboose on that conga line. So I say shake it. Nobody wants to see a rail-thin toothpick awkwardly shimmying at the back of the line. No, they want to see someone just loving it, just getting right into it, just shaking their ass like there’s no tomorrow. Olé, olé, indeed.

5. Say no to diabetes. According to these eggheads at Harvard, folks with a larger rear end may have a smaller chance of getting diabetes. Yeah, they call it subcutaneous fat, and it apparently helps improve sensitivity to insulin, which helps keep blood sugar in check. Thanks, Harvard! And thanks, fat ass!

So if you have a big, fat ass, I say love it for real. Because your big, fat ass is keeping you comfortable, helping you survive, pumping out babies, getting the dance floor hopping, and keeping diabetes in check. Just tell me that’s not

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

Happy Friday, everyone!

Let’s have some fun this weekend!

Want to win a free copy of The 2013 Calendar of Awesome?

Just submit an awesome thing in a comment below and one random winner will be picked next week. You can submit as many awesome things as you like! Just make sure you enter your real email address so we have a way of contacting you if you win!

Good luck!

Neil

p.s. If you order The 2013 Calendar of Awesome directly from the publisher here, you can type in ‘Awesome’ (without the quotes) at the checkout to get 25% off! Also available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble

Comments Off on #950 Big, fat asses

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0 Responses to #950 Big, fat asses

  1. Cindy D.

    Waking up feeling super-productive from jet-lag!

  2. wendy

    home-baking!

  3. wendy

    listening to a baby laugh in their sleep!

  4. wendy

    Trying on something in the store and it looks better on you than it did on the mannequin:))).

  5. wendy

    A family of deer letting you share the same path!

  6. wendy

    puppy grunts!

  7. Tehra Lauer

    Your child’s first Christmas when they are old enough to know what’s going on and get really excited (in turn reigniting the excitement inside you).

  8. wendy

    winning fair and square

  9. wendy

    Goose-bumps

  10. wendy

    I know it wasonce said,Flying over mountains but what about looking out at,hiking on,following a stream down and gazing out over for strength… Mountains!

  11. wendy

    agreen thumb to grow awesomeplants and gardens!
    Not literally, silly! That is not awesome!

  12. wendy

    A blogger’sbutt!similar to #1 but not exactly the same, yet necessaryat times like the night awesome hit #1…1st.time around…perhaps a new category, the long haul?!*

  13. wendy

    EYE Balls
    you just have to agree!

  14. lovestocomment

    waking up early in the morning, seeing the clock, and snuggling back into that blanket because you are still some time away from your wake up time..
    AWESOME!!

  15. My brain converted it to: “Big, fat donkeys”, and I was left wondering why large donkeys are awesome while the page loaded.

    So my AWESOME thing: Funny misunderstandings!

    • wendy

      my brain conversion to yours,
      how’d she get that? was there a pic of a donkey’s…..? ohhhh,i see:)

      *Hearing a brain fart and then the fog clears~ awesome!

  16. When you tear into the paper cover on a straw and find that it is a bendy straw instead of a boring straight one!

  17. Getting into clean sheets after a shower

  18. The first shower after you’ve been sick.

  19. The smell of fresh cut grass

  20. shel

    jazz hands!

    • wendy

      i prefer steel hands like Edward Scissor hands and if we’re talking about BANDSbands, I LOVE steel bands too! Like Neil says in #3, Shake it, shake it, shake Senora

      Ole,ole:)))

  21. shel

    toddler kisses – the kind where they don’t really know how to pucker up so they just push their face against yours :)

    • …and they grab your face with their sticky hands and leave a deposit of drool on your cheek, which would be gross except that it makes you feel incredibly loved because it comes from such a sweet little innoncent heart.

      Now I am going to check on my tweens as they sleep in this morning. I can still see their toddler faces in their pubescent ones. Awesome!

      • wendy

        and when they sort of gobble you up kind of kiss with open mouth and tongue hanging out like a puppy dog, SOOO beautiful Awesome!!!!

  22. shel

    RSS readers – I mean, how cool is it to read all your blogs (like 1000awesomethings!) in one place without having to bookmark a gazillion sites?

  23. shel

    the first night of autumn that it’s cool enough to cozy up under a big thick down comforter when you go to sleep

  24. shel

    variety packs!

  25. shel

    instruction booklets from IKEA – the ones with all the drawings and no words that are so much clearer than anything written

  26. Mary

    seeing a celebrity you admire in person

  27. Mary

    getting into a car that’s been sitting in the sun – even on a hot day

  28. Sara Mc

    Children’s laughter.

  29. Sara Mc

    The smell of clean babies.

  30. Sara Mc

    Snuggling on the couch with your family with a fire in the fireplace and eating popcorn.

  31. Sara Mc

    Lazy days on the boat.

  32. Sara Mc

    Clear sinuses (that only happens to me minutes each year).

  33. Sara Mc

    New shoes (as many times as I want? Are you sure Neal? I’m going to keep going).

  34. Sara Mc

    Fireworks.

  35. Sara Mc

    Finishing crossword puzzles.

  36. Sara Mc

    Crooked smiles.

  37. Sara Mc

    Giving presents.

  38. Sara Mc

    Good hair days (with naturally curly hair and living in a humid state, this doesn’t happen very often either).

  39. Jared

    Getting free stuff at work. I had to sit through three meetings before lunch the other day, but during my second one, somebody brought out a bowl of snacks and some sodas that were left over from another meeting. It was a small gesture, but that Coke and pack of Oreos helped me get to lunch in an AWESOME way!

  40. Sara Mc

    Not being able to put a good book down. Keep telling yourself, “One more chapter – just one more chapter” until you realize it’s in the middle of the night.

  41. Sara Mc

    Crushes. I think that’s it for now. Sorry Awesome peeps. I hope I didn’t take-up too much space.

  42. wendy

    To hear a butterfly drink nectar!
    (Bekah will be here soon.I’m not sure if I should keep goiing or just order a calendar;)

  43. wendy

    when the cards are stacked against you and you blow them away!

  44. wendy

    horses and bare-back riding through nature…when your horse and you have moments of stillness and oneness with all…tis divine awesome

  45. wendy

    might not take much thought or be given much gratitude as it deserves, but Water~ Water is AWESOME!

  46. Max

    Huh… Well, when you put it that way, I guess large rears are indeed awesome. I never really thought about that before. This one really caught me by surprise. Anyway, happy Friday everyone.

    • klalota

      Happy Friday to you, Max! I have to finally tell you, I love the name Max! It’s used in an fabulous Woody Allen flick (Annie Hall). In it Tony Roberts calls Woody Max, though his character’s name is Alvy. He says, “Max, that’s a good name for you Max.” I called my cat Max after that movie. Now here I am, posting to Max! That’s Awesome! ~Kathy~

      • wendy

        Since we’re on the topic,
        My grandfather used to have a quote for people, places and things he found to be what we all refer to here as awesome~ He’d say, “Million Dollars!”
        And if you don’t mind my saying so, I think your comments Max-i-million!

        • Max

          Thanks! Wendy and Kathy are pretty awesome names too. So is klalota. I love names in general. There’s so much history and meaning behind someone’s name. I usually meet more pets than people named Max.

  47. njb

    My day is AWESOME when I come to work every morning and open up my email to see what is AWESOME each and every day!

  48. Shirt pockets (one’s fine. two’s fine,…three’s complicated)

  49. loriwilb

    belly laughs!

  50. loriwilb

    clean sheets right out of the dryer!

  51. loriwilb

    kisses from little kids.

  52. Valarie

    Looking back on old photos and realizing we were ALL amazing fashion plates. :) Posting them on FB and tagging friends is extra Awesome. :)

  53. Katie

    Fruit at perfect ripeness, ideally ripe enough that it drips down your face.

  54. Katie

    When you think something will stain and it doesn’t. Surprise awesome!

  55. wendy

    ghost farts, you know they sound really eirrie and yet odorless! the best!!!

  56. wendy

    when you think you’re going to ***p yourself but it was just a fart!

  57. wendy

    when they sound like beat boxing or musical.
    *last 3 via my 6 yearold grand-baby…we will share the calendr:)))

  58. wendy

    City transit! buses,sky trains,sea buses and so on!
    AND when the driver says, never mind the money today, just go sit down, then takes off like a bat outta hehockey sticks, before you sit down, AND this is the first time you’ve taken the little one on a city bus and she says,woohoo, crazy like a fair ride….I say Free ride!!! you know what I’m talking about…

  59. klalota

    When you accidentally screw up your checkbook and overdraw your account only to have your bank send you a cheery letter explaining that they’ve covered it for you and haven’t charged you a service fee!!!! Love it!

  60. klalota

    Seeing posts from people who don’t often post, whenever Neil posts a win-a-calendar suggestion!

  61. klalota

    Awesome=The #1 post along with allllll of its many, many comments! Just read through many of the comments and they lifted my spirits! It’s almost up to 1000! And it reminds me of my great fortune this year to be feeling much better and looking toward a future filled with fun!

  62. Elly K

    Fries with special seasonings, aka “magic fries” :)

  63. Kirsten

    Hammock naps.

  64. wendy

    Brand new puppies.really cute and really small.puppy kisses!

  65. macfsh

    Back to school clothes!

  66. macfsh

    Libraries! Books, CD’s, DVD’s all free!! #Awesome

  67. Nicole

    Exchange students.
    They are just so nice and excited about every thing. There is 2 Jappenese exchange students in my class they are so funny to talk to.

  68. Kathy

    A blue moon! It’s gorgeous right now! :)

  69. wendy

    Fishing is awesome,especially when you’re the one catching the fish and the other peoplecan still be happy b/c at the end of the day, they know they get to share the fish!

    • wendy

      in all honesty i do not need to be the one catching all the fish,I just love a fishing day! It’s all so amazing!!!

  70. GG

    The moment when we realise how lucky we are…

  71. Valerie

    Seeing a rainbow on a grey, rainy day

  72. Hearing that song that gives you goosebumps!

    • wendy

      while Bruce Springsteen is a bring it on master in my life, while on a retreat this summer, I got gynormous-hair-stand -on-end-goose-bumps dancing, singing and feeling this song with my whole heart, spirit and soul…

  73. Expressing gratitude for anything.

  74. Telling someone you love them. ♥

  75. A chocolate malt with extra powder that makes a dry malty explosion when you try to pull it up in the straw!

  76. The smell of your favorite flower.

  77. Seeing a beautiful sunset with someone who also digs it.

  78. Watermelons carved into intricate sculptures!.

  79. Catherine

    Extremely Buttery Movie Theater Popcorn!

  80. Having a cat sit on you. They will never do anything they don’t want to do, so having a cat come up to you, give you a sniff and choose to sit on you is a great honour!

  81. Colin

    The first day back home

  82. wendy

    arriving sea-side at sunrise, breathing with the ebb and flow of each moment, taking in the salt water air, waiting for the tide to some in and the sun to set…. wrapping up in a blanket and delight of awesome day…

  83. wendy

    a GOOD hair cut

  84. wendy

    Love,Love, Love…

  85. wendy

    when the nights begin to cool so you can finally sleep!

  86. wendy

    As kids see it…”It’s time for awesome…~dreaming about having a butler!”
    ~6 year old Sienna:)

  87. Emmy

    Driving dangerously and surviving! Raced our friend home with my sister in the driver’s seat yesterday on the way to her 18th… was just a tiny bit scary, but so funny!

  88. Emmy

    Putting yourself out there and getting a positive response! Hope you don’t mind my self-plug but I just wanted to see what you think :)

    • wendy

      How could response be anything but positive!
      Beautiful! You got my vote for Australian Idol, Emmy:)))

      By the way Awesome people, Emmy’s entire choir, double cd is also awesome!!!

    • klalota

      How wonderful, Emmy! You’re inspiring!

  89. Emmy

    Being able to genuinely say you’ve had the best night of your life
    -On friday night our Music class had a dinner party, teacher and his partner and all, I have never laughed so much in my life and the food was amazing and it was just awesome
    -Last night I had my sister’s 18th birthday party and it was really relaxed and with good dancing, people, conversations, laughs and truth or dare :)
    -Today for father’s day we went out for lunch, me, my brother and dad
    Altogether it’s even one of the best weekends of my life!

  90. Emmy

    The sound of heavy rain

  91. Emmy

    New grown up experiences when you’re still a kid

  92. Emmy

    When someone thinks you’re older than you are (when you’re still really young)

  93. Emmy

    When someone thinks you’re younger than you are (when you’re actually old)

  94. Emmy

    Waking up without having your pyjamas tangled

  95. Emmy

    Meeting someone and just clicking

  96. Emmy

    Being able to laugh at yourself

  97. Emmy

    Being friends with teachers

  98. wendy

    Neil, Neil, Neil…Kathy, Kathy, Kathy…PEOPLE PLEASE, when opportunity knocks one simply must open the royal door~

    • klalota

      One of my fave…part of my musical triumvirate (Pink Floyd, Queen, and YES)! Freddy’s my hero! Thanks for the vid and the smile, Wendy! Fat Bottom Girls, indeed!

  99. Kelly

    eating the chocolate-filled bottom of the drumstick icecream cone!

  100. Kelly

    the day on vacation when you forget what day it is (I think this might’ve been said already, but it is awesome nonetheless!)

  101. Kelly

    finding something that was “made for you” – a song, a shirt, anything!

  102. Kelly

    a complete, long, uninterrupted sleep. rare, but AWESOME

  103. Kelly

    the perfect gift. something you needed, something you didnt even know you needed, or just a thoughtful present. AWESOME

  104. Kelly

    homemade things. food is more delicious and cards are more thoughtful when homemade.

  105. Lacey

    cold showers on hot days :)

  106. Becca

    Getting home from a long trip.

  107. wendy

    Finding something you need and/or a must have at a flea market, garage sale and/or thrift shop, or salvage yard.

  108. wendy

    when you finally figure out the lyrics to a song you’ve been singing,oh so very wrong for a lonnng time AND laugh until it hurts with your daughter who was singing it the very same way wrong!

    • klalota

      OMG, this just happened with a friend of mine! We were out and she was loudly singing along with a song that’s rather risque. I eventually noticed that she was singing the wrong, much less risque lyrics. When I told her, we all had a great laugh with her…so much fun!

      • Emmy

        Hahaha I found that out on Outward Bound too!! My very funny yet slightly dippy friend was singing ‘Whistle Baby’ the whole time but instead of “Come be my whistle baby” she was singing “I wish I could whistle better” and we were like “YOU KNOW WHAT THE SONG’S ABOUT, RIGHT? HOW DOES THAT RELATE??” and it was so funny haha -__-

        • wendy

          Kathy, Emmy, what a way to 5am. rise…BELLY Laugh!!! Thanks:)
          So, ya;, we’re having lunch, water-front Gastown, the song is Hotel California, Christina says, “Oh that’s what he’s singing~ I can smell eucalyptes, rising up through the air~ I’ve been singing it like this…*she proceeds to give her, and I mean get down into and belt it out, head held back like a rocker and all, ~ One spell aquellegious, rising up through the air…” Inhabitionless hackling laughter ensues! I realize she learned the line from me! Granted there was no google search, but seriously,,,
          so I had to ask if she knew the 80’s song, “Farmer…”
          SOOOO Awesome!

          • klalota

            OK, so, you guys originally thought it was “One spell aquellegious, rising up through the air…?” LOL! What the heck is aquellegious?! And she just figured out it was “I can smell eucalptes…?” LOLOLOL, even better ’cause they’re wrong, too! Ahem, I don’t sing well, but here goes: “Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air.” I’ll let you look up colitas…

          • wendy

            Not a clue what AQUELLIOUS is, but one spelled it! lol!!!
            Oh my goodness…finally! You are a smart one, Kathy!
            http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1053/in-the-song-hotel-california-what-does-colitas-mean.

            And *I noticed in straight dope, it is not the Beatles but the Stones, who sing “the girl with kaleidescope eyes.”

          • wendy

            Emmy, that’s a funny one too!
            By the way Kathy, you have a lovely voice:)
            Here’s another good laugh…

          • They’re the biggest laughs I’ve had in a while! 2 chickens to paralyze?! The girl with Colitis goes by?! They’re hysterical! They take the cake on best screwed up lyrics, in my book! That Straight Dope article is quite funny, too. Thanks for article and the vids, girls!

          • wendy

            I cannot believe you didn’t catch this one Kathy! And I must stand corrected again as well as extend apology to Straight Dope: “The girl with kaleidescope eyes,” is a Beatles line from “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.” I was confusing it with the Rolling Stones song, “The girl with the far away eyes!” But my memory served me pretty well in finding this comment…Since completely unrelated to blog post topic, this is Surprisingly amazingly awesome! I shall be off now to have an awesome day~ ttfn=D

  109. Debby Croshaw

    I live in Idaho, and there is nothing better than fry sauce to dip hot French fries into.. Big Mac sauce pales in comparison to this..

    • klalota

      What is fry sauce??? French fries are a way of life for me and I’d love to know a new way to eat them!

      • wendy

        I’m not Debby or from Idaho but there’s a restaurant in our town makes one like this:
        1/2 cup Mayo, 1/4 cup mustard, 1-2 teaspoons honey and 1 big pickle grated in…
        mix seasonal salt with french fries while baking or fresh from fryer and serve with the delicious dipping sauce:)

  110. Cherise

    The smell of the first rain today!

  111. Emmy

    Getting your application accepted! I GOT INTO THE NATIONAL YOUTH SCIENCE FORUM AND I’M SOOO SOOOO SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!! Bekah already knows 😀 You get to go to Canberra and have guest speakers from around he world and do sciency activities at all the prestigious institutes and research centres and meet people from aorund Australia and just generally have a ball!!!

  112. Cherise

    Finally getting home after being stuck for 3 hours due to traffic XD

  113. Lisa Donnelly

    The amazing smell of baking bread from scratch (on a day off from work)!

  114. Cherise

    When you wake up late but still manage to do all that you do on a normal morning and still catch the bus on time 😀

  115. Oh, I have missed a lot of contests!
    That picture of the kids with the chalk made me laugh so hard. I like my bum. Not small at all, not flat, not huge, its just riiiiight.
    Awesome thing that I haven’t mentioned before…. hmmm…. getting to work only to realize I still have my son’s pacifier in my pocket. I take it out and set it on my desk and look at it all day, thinking ofhim.

  116. Cherise

    Finally finding that piece of information which you’ve searched all over the internet for 😀

  117. Sarah G.

    getting a job after graduating from college!

  118. Being able to hug both my parents every day and tell them that they are awesome!

  119. I don’t know who the heck you are, but I totally relate your sense of humor and personality. You crack my ass up. I feel strangely close to you right now.

  120. shopping for groceries!

  121. lala.procop1

    Having a camera when your baby eats ice cream for the first time. Awesome!

  122. You finished some respectable points near. I searched on the internet for the problem and originate most ancestors will relate with together with your website.

  123. Love to relax with essential oil… Nothing compared :)