#961 Yellow teeth

Neil Pasricha

Not pretty

Hey, since when are teeth supposed to be beaming white, shining like little flashlights whenever somebody laughs or smiles?

The way it’s been lately with the whitening strips, gels, gums, and toothpastes, the baking soda this, the dental bleaching that, well it almost seems like Having Bright White Teeth is becoming another mandatory personal hygiene norm, landing in the pile with a hollow clank alongside showering every day, wearing deodorant, and flushing the toilet when you only did Number One.

So to that I say: Wait! Let’s just settle down and calmly rethink this whole situation before it gets out of hand. We haven’t checked the box and stamped approved on the application just yet, so people, there’s still time. We can reject unnaturally white teeth and go back to the way things were.

Yes, I’m talking about the yellow teeth of your youth, the au natural teeth, the teeth you grew up with, the modest aw shucks pearly yellows of Joe Everyman and Jane Everylady. We can still embrace the teeth that get stained with coffee and smoke and spaghetti sauce and Indian food. The teeth that love us no matter who we are or what we eat.

If you aren’t yet picking up what I’m putting down, then I’ve got just one more reason to love yellow teeth again: cause white teeth hurt. I’m talking hot and cold sensitivity, weakened enamel, and receding gum lines. Girl, it ain’t pretty. Don’t get messed up and addicted to the whitening stuff. No, we like having you around. Nobody wants to find you sprawled face-down on a stained motel room carpet, little squeezed-out packs of Crest Whitestrips laying all over the floor.

So come with me, back to the world where teeth are yellow. The way they were meant to be. And hey, next time someone comes up to you, points you square in the mouth, and says “Buddy, your teeth are yellow!”, just smile, look them square in the eye, and say, “Why yes, yes they are. And you know what? I think that’s alllllllllright.”

AWESOME!

Now that's what I'm talking about

Photos from: here and here

14 thoughts to “#961 Yellow teeth”

  1. So I’m not the only one finds those strips painful…ouch! I have to admit to appreciating modern neon white teeth, but those strips just kill me. That just can’t be good for my enamel anyway. So, I’m actually preserving my teeth by not bleaching & whitening. :)

  2. I’ve never tried those strips, so I’m glad to have a reason not to!

    The phrase “yellow teeth” sounds quite gross, but I’m all for the “au natural” message you’re sporting. Let’s celebrate good hygiene without going overboard!

  4. I’ve never tried any of those teeth whitening things. Except toothpaste. I’ve used toothpaste before. Anyway, I never really smile with my teeth, so I don’t usually pay attention to the way they look. I should probably start smiling with my teeth more, so that I can appreciate the au naturalness of them. I don’t floss either. Gosh, I’m really just ignoring my teeth. Poor wee fellas. Sorry, teeth.

      1. The dentist always says my teeth are actually pretty clean. I’ve never had a cavity, even though I don’t floss. I don’t even know how to floss. The dentists are always pretty impressed with the shape my teeth are in, despite my complete ignorance of them. Whatever I’m doing, it must be working. I’m a scientific miracle.

        2. I’m jealous of your no cavity teeth. I brush and floss and everything and my mouth is full of fillings. I’ve actually just gotten 2 fillings and have to go back next week for one more.

    2. Haha, I have the same thing. I don’t floss and I don’t always brush my teeth for two minutes, but I have never gotten a cavity and apparently I have really good teeth. Maybe it’s because when I was a kid my mom was very strict about the amount of sugar I had. Or maybe just my genes.

  5. I don’t do anything to keep my teeth white, but brush them. They aren’t shining or glowing in the dark, but they are ok. I’m happy with them. Sort of an off white-ish color, I guess.
    A little yellow I guess is ok, but really really yellow teeth is a clear sign that you’ve probably never ever brushed your teeth before in your life.

    1. Funny story- My youngest brother has some really yellow teeth. He wasn’t one for brushing or anything and mom didn’t make him. Well.. he decided one day to start taking care of his teeth, so he went in the bathroom and put toothpaste on his toothbrush. Turns out is wasn’t toothpaste. It was mom’s denture glue. He hasn’t brushed since. He’s been scarred for life now.

  6. Doesn’t that woman at the top of this story just scare the BeJesus out of you? Yikes! Also, Max: Good genes. That’s all it takes. The rest of us have to floss and brush every day.

  7. I have used the whiting strips and they were quite painful. By the time you are suppose to take them off. Never will use them again. I can’t believe they are not hurting the enamel long term.

Comments are closed.