#933 The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter

When I peel the top off a new jar of peanut butter I like to pretend I’m a scientist peering through the world’s most powerful telescope, catching Earth’s first glimpse of a new, strange and distant planet. “It’s got a smooth surface,” I exclaim to the lab of giddy professors standing breathlessly beside me. “Yes, it’s a beautiful airless landscape, untouched, undisturbed, and light brown.”

Because seriously, that’s what the top of a jar of peanut butter looks like to me. I almost feel bad thinking about what I’m about to do, because it’s just so perfect, smooth, and dense. But I put some bread in the toaster anyway, grab a spoon from the drawer, and then go right ahead and dig that spoon in there deep, catching a heavy handful of thick PB when I pull up, a loud, wet, satisfying schthlop plopping out of the jar.

It’s a great feeling.

After that, I’m an artist. I can just leave a big, gaping hole right in the middle of the jar, or I can do it all up real fancy and twirl and swirl it around a little, or I can painstakingly carve a moat around the outside of the jar, leaving a perfect, flat island in the middle, becoming more and more unstable with every passing day. The options are unlimited.

Really, I think getting the first dig in a jar of peanut butter is the kitchen equivalent of stabbing a flag into the moon and claiming it as your own. I mean, you mark that peanut butter. You brand it. You add your little stamp and you put it back in the pantry, ready and waiting for the next big schthlop.


Now available! The 2013 Calendar of Awesome!

Photos from: here and here

23 thoughts on “#933 The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter

    1. Yeah, I’m with you on this one, anniecardi. If I’m not first, I’m disappointed…’cause I’m certain the first scoop really does taste better!

      1. Matter of fact, the first scoop really does taste better. Just try to find that soft, fluffy, uncontaminated flavor anywhere else in the jar!
        INCONCEIVABLE! I wasn’t going to admit this, but since one element of awesome is authenticity, I rarely even eat peanut butter after the first scoop!

  1. From this day forward I will look into the new scoop of peanut butter and at the full moon in another light…with two famous and brilliantly, wonderful Neil’s in mind… wink, smile and say, thank you:)

    1. I use both. It just depends on my task. If I’m making a PB&J sandwich or PB toast, I use a knife. If I’m putting it on an apple or banana, I use a spoon. I think both or socially acceptable :).

  2. I sure do love the schthlop. I also love peanut butter, a little more than I’d care to admit, really. Thank goodness I’m not allergic. I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

  3. I hate when there is Jelly/Jam in the peanut butter. Everyone thinks it is weird that I always use peanut butter first, then jelly. I do it to avoid getting the peanut butter contaminated! I love the first scoop, too!

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