#816 When the late night pizza order arrives really early

Hot and earlyGrumbling tums make the pizza come every time. Scope this scene:

It’s late at night, clock clicking past three in the morning, you and your friends are laying on a torn, potato chip crumb covered couch, sporting big grins, slack jaws, droopy eyes, and sweaty T-shirts. You’re half-awake but fully-hungry, half-cooked but not fully done, half-exhausted but fully up for ordering a giant, hot and steamy, late night pizza pie.

Someone suggests it and everybody wants it. And then it’s all over.

First you start picturing burning hot mozzarella sliding around on slippery tomato sauce. You dream of wet and glistening pepperoni, the corners black and crispy, little grease puddles laying in the folds. And you know, you just know, that pizza will taste delicious. Because how can it not?

Long gone by 2amSee, we all know this ain’t your 6pm Dinner Order, where toppings are debated, phone numbers are looked up, and the table is set for dinner, complete with triangle-folded paper towels and a giant 2L bottle of Coke centerpiece.

No, this is the Late Night Scarf-It-And-Sleep Order. This is the one your doctor warned you about. This is the one that took out Grandpa. Yeah, this is the big ball of dough that sponges up everything else in your belly. It’s the only cure for rapid outbreaks of the Midnight Munchies, that empty, raw, growling feeling your gut gives you when it’s tired and confused and suddenly wants breakfast.

The Scarf-It-And-Sleep generally consists of somebody dialing whatever number is in their cell phone, ordering a plain cheese or pepperoni pizza without asking anybody else, and then just throwing it on their credit card because they can’t be bothered to collect five bucks from everybody sitting around playing Nintendo.

The only issue with the Scarf-It-And-Sleep is that even in the middle of the night you get told what you always get told. “That’ll be 45 minutes to an hour,” they say. And brother, you know and I know that you don’t want to be waiting an hour for pizza at three in the morning. Somebody might just crack and drink a bottle of salad dressing or eat a chunk of butter the size of a deck of cards, man. It’s a tense scene.

And that’s why it’s great when, once in a while, you get that surprise really, really early pizza delivery. When twelve minutes after you place your order, the doorbell rings and wham-bam, thank you gram, it’s here and it’s hot and it’s time to toss that greasy square of hot cardboard on the floor and just rip right into it like a pack of hungry of lions around a dead zebra.

So this one goes out to the pizza chains that surprise us with an early delivery once in a while. Thanks for filling our bellies with your greasy goodness just in time for bed.

AWESOME!

Get in while there's still meat

Photo from: here, here and here

20 Comments

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20 responses to “#816 When the late night pizza order arrives really early

  1. “This is the one that took out Grandpa.”

    That’s such a delightfully evil way to describe it…

  2. tvirtue

    Bravo!!!!!! I AB-SOL-UTELY LOVED READING YOUR ARTICLE!!!! ditto ditto ditto being screamed from valley village, ca!

  3. pamela

    Thank to you doctor Deva lakshmantemple@gmail.com for helping me to get back my happiness after many years in trying to get a baby and even my mother in law want me out of my husband house because of not been able to give birth to a child for her son until you cast a spell for me and told me that i was going to get pregnant i never believe i was going to be able to get pregnant until now i want to say big thanks to you Dr.Deva i was put to bed last month and so i am happy to tell people about your work.

  4. When I KNOW that we are going to have pizza for dinner, I like to order it online before I leave work. I can usually pick the time for it to arrive or it comes shortly after we get home. Its perfect.
    When pizza is a spur of the moment kind of thing…mostly because I don’t feel like cooking and ordering pizza is hubby’s way of cooking… when they say 45 mins to an hour and it comes in 20-30 mins, that means a lot to little hungry kids.

  5. klalota

    Damnit, it’s half past midnight here and now I want pizza! It’s your fault, Neil.

  6. Wendy

    When I was young I saw pizza like road kill and refused to eat it! In junior high home-ec cooking class, I went Gary Larson, Way out there, Far-Side on my class-mates and got a detention. I was 17 before I discovered pizza and it was only b/c I made it from the Kraft pizza mix box- tomatoe, spices and sprinkled cheese, awesome. It was much later before I went wild, ate pizza toppings and beagn to love it! Then about ten years ago, I started to blow up like a pillsbury dough girl and was forced to stop eating it. Very recently I discovered gluten free crust and I was like, “When the moon meets the sky like a big pizza pie, that’s amoure…” Now you brought up the image of zebra in a heap under shredding pack of lions and I’m back to square one! Me and pizza, like a bad relationship, on and off again. Arghhh! But if I’m ever lonely…..;)

  7. Wait a minutes, are you saying there are places that deliver pizza at 3AM? WHERE?! :D

  8. Max

    Max want pizza.

  9. Soul

    Bon appetit … lions :)

    Soul.

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