#769 When that thing you wanted to buy is already on sale

The Magic WordAdvertisers eat me up.

Honestly, whenever I leave the grocery store I feel like I’ve just been had by the lot of them. I fully confess it, too. I wheel in for toilet paper and wheel out with a fat cart loaded to the gills with super-size salsa, half a dozen danishes, and two new brands of frozen pizza.

It hits me like a hammer at the cash register but by then it’s too late.

Yes, I reluctantly pay the bill as my mind flashes back to the Me of 15 Minutes Ago, a barely recognizable guy humming down the aisle and happily accepting little sample cups of drinkable yogurt from sweet old ladies in hairnets while casually tossing brightly-colored cheese bricks and nicely-packaged turkey sticks into my shopping cart.

Irresistible, clearlyOh, I’m a happy camper amongst the freshly-misted lettuce and bubbling lobster tanks, but when I get to the front and get Cash Register Slapped it’s a different story.

If you’re with me, then you know this is what makes it so great when you go to the store and the thing you were going to buy is already on sale. Because suddenly the tables are turned and now you’re calling the shots.

“Oh, what’s this?” you ask innocently, approaching a towering display of toilet paper on sale for half price. “Half-off, really? Well that’s perfect because that’s all I came here for, anyway. And hmm, you know what? May as well get seven extra dozen while I’m here, too. … Annnnnnnd I guess that’s everything for today.”

Then you mime making a big check mark on your grocery list and smile as you savor the moment sweetly. Yes, now your wallet stays fat, your smile stays fresh, and you ride the fast lane straight to Penny-Pinching Heaven.


roll it away

Photos from: here, here, and here

— Follow me on Twitter