Crack that back.
Everybody’s got their own gorilla jungle noises when they wake up in the morning. There’s a few famous moves for waking up your bones:
1. The Insane Wiggle. This one’s the classic. There’s no focus and direction here — you’re just twisting and turning in a crumpled lump of sheets and twisted blankets. Maybe you squeeze your face into your pillow, pull your legs into your chest, or just let out some long slow grunts to feel that stretchy buzz in the small of your back.
3. The Old Man Can Walk Again. When I lived in Boston my roommate Joey was famous for this. You’d hear his bedroom door creak open and he’d slowly inch out — hunched over in a stained undershirt and baggy boxers, blindly touch-feeling his way to the bathroom without his glasses on. Eventually he’d give a few loud grunts and stretch up like he was getting out of his wheelchair for the first time in years.
4. The Yogi Master. These people actually do real stretches when they wake up. They might even throw their hair in a ponytail, lay down the mat, and jump into a tight black unitard.
6. The Safety Stretch. Here’s where your bed buddy is sleeping in a little later and you’re careful not to wake them. Watch the grunts, watch the groans, and stretch out nice and quietly, people. Sure, it’s not as rewarding but it sure beats accidentally punching someone in the temple when they’re drooling and dreaming.
8. The Dog Leg. That big dog stretch sends all your molecules zooming around so fast your leg just starts pounding the mattress uncontrollably.
Now, no matter your style it sure feels great to stretch that spine, get the blood flowing, and crack and pop all your bones into place. Plus, if you’re lucky enough to catch someone else in the middle of their giant sleepy-eyed stretch, well that’s just a bonus.
Bring on the day.
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