#999 That last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

Kick-starting a bag of potato chips is pretty much standard — you open with the double-pincer, squeeze-and-pop technique, start fishing out the prime, full-bodied chips at the top of the heap, and then start working your way down to the half-broken chips in the middle of the bag. A few minutes in you’ve chomped your way down to the bottom and you might think you’re pretty much done. But wait, that’s just the beginning.

That’s when you get to the best part, that’s when you get to that last, crumby triangle of potato chips wedged right in the corner of the bag. You know what I’m talking about. Usually at this point your lips and face are covered in grease-crumbs and your fingers are neon orange, coated in a thin film of salty saliva.

That delicious patch of potato powder is all yours, but to get it you haMirrory Wellve to get a bit dirty:

  • First of all, you won’t be able to see your fingers down that crinkly, mirrory well so you have to tilt the bag sideways and size up that crumby triangle for what it’s worth. See what you’re dealing with here. Commit to a game plan.
  • Next, even though your fingers might already be wet at this point, it’s best to be safe with the ol’ Thumb & Index Finger Pre-Lick. Come on, slide them right in and out of your mouth, don’t be shy. Remember: the crumbs are in there deep, and your slightly sticky spit-glue will help mine the greasy plunder.
  • Next — attack! Wedge your wet thumb and forefinger in there hard, and squeeze until you feel like you’ve got most of it. Then pull out quick, and in one swift move sweep and drop that last, crumby triangle right onto your tongue, making sure to lick the stubborn remains off your fingers while saying Mmmm a lot.

And you’re done!

Exhibit A

Now, while the Thumb & Index Corner Pinch move is grittier and more explosive, there is a backup technique that will still get the job done if you don’t like to get your hands dirty. Those in the biz know what I’m talking about: The Dump-Truck Bag-Tilt Maneuver. This one requires two hands, a gaping mouth, and a forty-five degree angle to turn the trick. You can use it alone or in tandem.

But either way, almost entirely composed of salt and artificial flavor, that last crumby, triangle packs a full flavor finishing move, unlike the watered down sip at the end of a soft drink cup, the stump at the bottom of a muffin, or the toothbreaking kernals hiding in that last handful of popcorn.

AWESOME!

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139 Comments

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139 responses to “#999 That last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

  1. Allison

    I think you underestimate the ambiguity of that second picture, the one looking into the (almost) empty bag of potato chips. Effectively, this carelessness has caused a disturbance to my tender soul, for you see, if I can get you to view it just right, you will observe this is, in reality, a BAG OF BLOOD.
    First you must use your imagination of perception to tell your eye the centre of the bag is not moving away from you, but coming toward you (somewhat like crossing your eyes instead of relaxing them when looking at a magic-eye). Next you need to, once again, whip out the old imagination gun and believe that that semi-red sheer covering the bag is not the cause of muliple reflections of itty-bitty pieces of ketchup chips, but rather the translucent nature of a thick plastic coating, heroically protecting its environment from the thick, hepititis contaminated horror syrup inside. Where or WHO did that blood come from? Why were you taking pictures? Is this some sort of GAME for you?
    Not awesome, Neil.
    Not…awesome.

    • jen

      That’s what I thought it was too. I was going back and forth between a bag of blood and a placenta and was anxiously skimming the entry looking to find what either one had to do with the chips.

    • Madeline

      Whew. I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks at an ordinary picture and, instead, sees something extremely gory and disturbing.. :)
      I had to look at that picture for at least a minute to figure out what it was doing on this page. It freaked me out!

    • I thought it was a bag of blood or a badly dressed wound at first.

    • Misha

      No…it’s a potato chip bag. I don’t know why it’s got “blood” in the bottom, but you can see the side of the bag says “Lay’s”

    • OMG
      totally truuuue
      what’s with the blood neil?

      • Mitch

        That’s what I thought and in between reading I had to scroll up and keep looking at it. But then I saw the red bag of chips with “Lay’s” on it and I was like “Oh gosh!” whilst holding my hand against my erratically beating heart!
        Hehe total exaggeration…but yeah!

    • Nicole

      Lol, funny imagination guys.
      Clearly though,
      It’s the best kind of crumbs in the world –
      KETCHUP ! :]

    • sara

      I have no idea, it looks like an almost empty mag of chips to me…but i was never good at magic eye (WHAT IS UP WITH THESE SQUIGGLES! REARRANGE YOURSELF ALREADY).

    • Barb

      Oh, I am so glad you posted this! I thought it was a bag of blood too. I was getting kind of grossed out…then I realized. The I thought there must be something wrong with me. But alas…it did indeed look like a bag of blood. :-)

    • Joey

      Exactly what I thought it was. I’m not sure if the sad thing is I still thought it looked appetizing.

    • isaiah

      dammit, i just lost the game, thanx allison.

    • austin

      Alison, I have to agree with you at first thats what I thought I was looking at. it wasn’t until i finished the article that I realized it was potato ship goodness

    • TXzdy

      Awesome crapolo I’d say. Thanks for this useless website so I could get a heads up on what “book” not to buy. Could the pages at least be use for toilet paper? What a horrible waste of trees. Shame on the author!

      • Reo

        w.o.w. woah, hater! toilet paper seriously? can u be any less mature. u obvioulsy r a lousy grumpy pessimist who dosnt appreciate the awesomness of this book and therfore life. Ur comment was completly unnecessary and unappreciated. Booooo

      • Unknown

        REALY!?!?!?!? its a bag of CHIPS not blood! read the title!!! neil is just writhing awesome things! IT IS A BAG OF LAYS CHIPS PEOPLE!!! get it into your head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS NOT A BAG OF BLOOD!! IT IS A BAG OF CHIPS! i love this book and this blog so if you say shame on the authour… shame on you!!!! the auther of this book/blog is a realy good writer! unknown is my name and drfending niel is the game!

    • Mel

      OMG, I thought I was crazy. Totally saw the bloodbathbag as well. Took me a few confused seconds to realize it was chips!

    • Trevor

      OMG i thought the EXACT same thing, i was confused and wondering ‘why is there blood on the chip post’ because it acctually looks like blood and like its leaking in the corner or osmehing

    • Maryssa

      I thought the same thing! I had to look back at the picture after reading your post to see it was actually a chip bag.

    • Amy Smith

      Next time he should just pick a different flavor of potato chips……… like salt and vinegar. mmmm!!!

    • Crystal

      Ha.. glad I’m not alone. It took me seeing the red fingertips to realize that was NOT blood, but a bag of red chips. Phew!

    • Julie

      My thoughts immediately went to the opening scene of Dexter

    • Chris

      Then why does it say “Lay’s” on the front side (to the right)? Not awesome, Allison.

    • thats what thought. I was like, eww!

  2. To me it looks like a bloody steak overzealously wrapped up in saran wrap, with some leftover drops of blood on the outside.

  3. To me it looks like a bloody steak overzealously wrapped up in saran wrap, with some leftover drops of blood on the outside.

  4. Oh, what I wouldn’t do for some (Canadian) Ketchup chips right about now.

  5. jtl

    Always, always, always go with the Dump-Truck Bag-Tilt.

    • Mitch

      Tell me about, if I already got my fingers greasy, I don’t always feel like getting the rest of my hand greasy, so I’m all “Aah forget about it!” and tip it!

  6. Laurie

    Personally, I prefer the “Rip ‘n’ Lick” method of obtaining the last tiny corner-crouching chip spangles. Here is how it works: once you are down to the last desperate crumbs use your teeth to make a tiny tear or hole on one side of the bag (about 1/2 of the way down the side). Carefully ripping across remove the top part of the bag and throw it aside. Wrench the demi-bag open wide and plant your face in the bag. Jam the pointy tip of your tongue into the corner to exticate the remaining itty bitty chipbits. The great thing is that once you do this the other person with whom you had been “sharing” the chips will recoil in disgust, move away and leave the rest to you. Works great at company picnics.

  7. Neil, forget the kernels. You’re overlooking the really awesome part about finishing off a bag of microwave popcorn: tearing open the bag and licking all the coagulated salt and butter off the insides while the bag curls around your head and gets your cheeks all buttery. So shameful, but so delicious.

    • Mitch

      Haha brother, you just read my mind! That’s a high ten for you dude! I always sneak off to the kitchen to get that “discarded” bag of popcorn. licking my salty, buttery fingers! I say it’s almost as good as the popcorn itself!

  8. Samantha

    I prefer to scrape the butter off the bag sides and lick it off my fingers, personally.

  9. Jade

    Oh Peter I thought I was the only one who did that. I hate doing it in front of people cause i always think they’ll find it disgusting.

  10. Lane

    mmmmmm….. potato chips.

  11. Chris

    I thought it was a bag of blood too, for the longest time I could not get myself to think “thats BBQ Jays”

  12. Alex

    I used to think that SC and Onion had the best bottom of the bag crumbs….but now it is definitely the Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch Doritos. Got to be careful of the bag tip though… Be sure to exhale before tipping the bag…breathing in the blazin powder can hurt!

  13. John

    There needs to be some more enlightenment in this post so I will share what I have learned over many bags of chips with you.

    When you are down to that last part in the chip bag, there is a way to fully, cleanly, socially acceptable and most importantly safe way to get out all of the chips from the bag into your mouth. This is how you do it.

    First, get all of the chips into one corner of the bag.
    Then, with your left hand (or nondominant hand) carefully seal the chips into that corner of the bag by holding the outside together.
    With your other hand cupped (as if someone was handing you change), reach down into the bag and make a seal inside the bag, essentially making a pocket between your hand and the corner of the bag (with the chips in the middle).
    Now that the chips are next to your hand in the bag you may ask how to get those tricky bastards out without having to hulk smash them out the corner of the bag. Easy. Just turn the corner of the bag over so all of the delicious crumbles fall into your waiting palm. Retract your hand and tilt into your mouth.

    There is no mess, more satisfaction, and you don’t look like you are borderline anything.

  14. hydraulic floor jacks

    I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100%, but that’s just my opinion, which could be very wrong.
    p.s. You have an awesome template for your blog. Where did you find it?

  15. Amilie

    I am greatly disappointed that you didn’t mention the stylistic inversion method.
    1. Get all of the crumbs into one corner.
    2. Use index finger to poke at the corner from the outside until it turns inside out.
    3. Keep pushing until the corner is inverted far enough to put in your mouth.
    4. Lick all of the crumbs off.
    The only con of this method is the relative wimpiness, but you get every single crumb without the risk of getting your fingers ensnared in the foil trap that is the corner of a bag of chips. Pretty awesome. =)

  16. Jess

    I agree this one, I always loves the last crumb

  17. Cap'n Crunch

    The crumbs on the bottom of the cereal box are even better, especially with sugary cereals. You’re pouring, and you only get half of the bowl full, so you turn the box completely upside down and the pure, delicious powder that’s composed of 80% sugar and 20% cereal plops down on top of your food in a delicious heap, so you take your spoon and eat it plain.
    I don’t know about you, but I think that’s more delicious than salt and flavoring.

  18. jimmy blankets

    i assumed that the second picture was the crumbs in the bottom of a bag of chips. probably because I was reading a blog about that though….I love to save this corner for right after i cum

  19. Oh. My. Gawd. So much innuendo.

    Though those chips are delicious at the bottom of the bag. XD

  20. Chantal

    OH MAN!! I always do the Dump-Truck bad Tilt Maneuver and its the best part of a bag of chips! but BTW i love the half popped Kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl! They’re the best part!!

  21. Renn

    Stop being ridiculous y’all, that doesn’t look like a bag with blood not in a million years, unless you carry powder blood flowing within your veins. And nowadays, there are so many disgusting potato chips and similar products at the stores that I wouldn’t be surprised to find something particularly looking like some sort of blood flavour. The post is brilliant, awesome, and the photo is certainly not the point. Drop it! Great post, Neil. Congrats. Always so humorous and brightening up my day. It’s a great start of day to read something from your blog.

  22. Colby

    Well, this was on my exam for LA at the end of the year, so I just had to check out the website. I am not dissapointed. Great job. =D.

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  24. Cheryl

    I note you have not addressed my favorite chip-eating method discovered while driving the back roads around Teacapan, Mexico. It’s a lot easier to steer and eat chips if the chips have their own seat and the bag is open precisely down the seam all the way to the bottom and then again across the bottom seam. Voila! Complete access to top, sides, bottom and you can lick your fingers and get every last crumb. (It helps if your destination is beautiful Tambora beach where you can lie under a palm tree, down a few cervezas, and have another bag of chips. Ah, peace.)

  25. spongekill

    the only surefire way to deal with this situation is fold the edge of the bag into a nice chip-luge, tilt your head back and dump those fuckers right in your mouth. maximum ratio of crumbs eaten to crumbs lost

  26. Lucas

    I always press the crumbs on through, ripping out the bottom and eating them regularly.

  27. Maya

    I thought the second picture was a bloody piece of steak.

  28. SuperNova

    What’s wrong with you guys? You can even see the white, yellow and red “Lays” on the outside sliver of the bag…

    What kind of steak would be grayish like that? I’m squinting, but then it just looks like mashed up red and gray Play-Doh mixed together… which it oubviously is not.

    *Runs off to get chips*

    • Mel

      Haven’t you ever glanced at something quickly, got an image in your mind, then realized after that you were off? No one is saying they can’t see the chip bag, its just a random image flash/thought process thing.

  29. Chandra

    At first all I could see was a photo of blood…after staring at this for several minutes, I now see the empty bag and cannot find the blood picture in it any longer.

  30. weird

    ummmm … it’s a bag of ketchup chips ….

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  32. loop

    Great read, Ill come back

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  35. I really prefer the drink the chips method. Just finished lunch at my desk and did precisely that!

  36. Bianca

    oh shut up you guys.

  37. i was totally thinking the bag looked like a placenta too. i mean, what kind of chips were those? bloody beets? anyhoo. reading whatever neil writes makes me bubble up with a warm wave of fuzzies. god, i can’t get enough!!!!

  38. nemodat

    KETCHUP chips are my favourite. Dill pickle chips are my second favourite. Since KETCHUP chips are only available in Canada and not the US, it’s no wonder that some people are having difficulties telling the difference between KETCHUP chips and other stuff. Mmmm… KETHCUP chips.

  39. Aliana

    I thought they were hot cheetos! Those are actually red. Teehee..Mhh..cheetos…I mean potato chips! ;)

  40. Colin Brophy

    Very amusing… I remember when I was around 5 years old; my Mother would give me a quarter to get a bag of chips at the store. One time after finishing the bag, one of my friends asked me for some of my chips. I told him that there were none left, so he asked me if you could lick the bag. Kids Eh!
    BTW, do you remember those Hostess odd flavored chips that never made it, grape flavor, apple flavor….they were really not good! Thank you Hostess for ridding us of those flavors… :-)

  41. Really People?

    You are all very sad people if you think this is a bag of blood. A bag of blood has no marking on outside of the bag and is a clear bag. WOW.

    • jdurley

      …but couldn’t blood be in any bag? For example, the bag you put the severed finger in to take to emerg with you? Maybe it’s THAT sort of a blood bag.

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  45. Evelien

    I love potato chips! ♥

    Great blog, keep on going!

  46. How about the last bit of cereal at the bottom of the box…you know the one with all the sugar that’s 90% sugar? That’s my favorite.

  47. That bag in the second picture tripped me out. Definitely looks like a bag of blood. Wow!

  48. hannah

    I feel like I’m the only one who truly just saw a bag of potato chips.. maybe a lack of imagination?

    • Well you’re certainly not alone. I too saw just a bag of chips. I don’t know, maybe because I knew at first that the post was about the snack, and then when I first saw the second picture, my eye first caught the label on the side so I knew it right then that it’s a bag of chips. :D

      I honestly don’t know how can that be blood. But what I find intriguing is that the first picture is a Lays pack Original flavor and the second one has red crumbs. A different flavor, maybe?

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