#993 Fat baseball players

Let me tell you how many eggs I put in my omelette.If you ever find yourself playing professional sports and someone from the stands yells out “Come on, Big Bopper!,” you’re probably a fat baseball player. Fat baseball player, thank you for giving us that simplest thing of all.


See, because usually when we see those tricep flabs shaking in the wind and those bathroom scales exploding into a mess of springs going in all directions, we figure that our professional sports careers are pretty much over. Ain’t too much room on the hockey bench or the soccer pitch for us husky folks, and so, with our dreams sidelined, we sign up for night school VCR repair courses and start staining furniture in the garage, channeling our energies away from the games we love into our Plan Bs and Cs.

But that’s where you come in. To the Cecil Fielders, John Kruks, and C.C. Sabathias of the world: Thank you for keeping our dreams alive to one day be a platoon Designated Hitter. Thank you for being


The dream


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110 responses to “#993 Fat baseball players

  1. Pingback: Riz

  2. jtl

    Matt Stairs: forget the 6-pack, this guy’s built like a keg. Of Canadian beer, no less!

  3. Freddo

    Reminds me of the ol’ John Kruk line, in response to a woman questioning him about his weight: “I’m not an athlete, Ma’am. I’m a professional baseball player.”

    Also, interesting reference to taking up VCR repair. Sort of like a certain Doctor Castle? http://www.thebigjewel.com/deardoctorcastle/

  4. TaxExemPt

    And doesn’t a big belly give more power to their swing?

  5. I can’t believe I just read a post about fat baseball players and didn’t get one mention of the greatest fatass of all time, George Herman Ruth. I don’t know whether to applaud the audacity or be offended…I’ll do both! *cheerglower*

    • Caitlin

      That was my thought! Come on now, we need to pay homage to the real men who made a name for themselves on hot dogs and beer.

  6. Willie

    Let’s not forget Steve Balboni. I once saw him bounce when he dove head first into 2nd. It was awesome.

  7. Old Fart

    Heh heh, and Fat Cops. Can’t forget the fatties in blue.

  8. Dominic

    O E O Antonio!!!!

  9. Chuck

    Being a bit overweight and of a certain height can give you subtle advantages in baseball, I believe.

  10. JWJ

    Anyone who is 50+ and from Michigan has to remember and admire the king of fat baseball players . . . Roly-poly Mickey Lolich. Not only was he the hero of the ’68 World Series for pitching three of the four winning games, but what does he do when he retires from baseball? He opens a donut shop!

  11. roxanne

    Don’t forget Kirby Puckett! He was built like a fire plug but had some power!!!

  12. Brian

    Kirby Puckett was also a very good fielder, and fast for his size. He and Kent Hrbek made a great one, two chubby combo for my hometown Twins for years!

  13. RideABlackCowboy

    To me,a “big bopper” is a buxom babe whose boobs are
    bopping about in her bra(36D-40D,girls!!!!)I’m 55,5’9”,214
    lb.,sport a 48” Chest Normal,50” Chest Expanded,
    42” Waist and 19” Biceps,so I’m a big boy,one who re-
    members Mickey Lolich,Terry Forster,Lamarr Hoyt,
    Lamar Johnson,Greg Luzinski,Joey Meyer and the Twins’
    Round Mounds of Pounds,the late(Hall Of Famer)
    Kirby Puckett and good ol’ boy Kent Hrbek.Of course,at a
    listed 5’11”,270 lb-and,judging from some of the pictures
    I’ve seen of him,probably closer to 5’9.5”,280-300 lb.-
    Prince Fielder,the CHUNK off Cecil’s block(or sub-di-
    vision)has all the lardy lads licked!!!!

  14. RideABlackCowboy

    Oh,yes,”Bye Bye(hair and any food he saw)Balboni.
    Can’t forget him.And I’m built like my fellow
    Canadian lad,Matt Stairs!!!!

  15. It seems you can play the sport at any weight.

  16. T-Rav

    There’s a fat guy playing third base for the team I root for,the Giants,Pablo Sandoval who has had a really great year and could be an All-Star via the fan vote.

  17. Adrian

    The best part of the Antonio Alfonseca picture? The tag line – “Let me tell you how many eggs I put in my omelette” combined with him having 6 fingers on both hands.


  18. T

    Alfonseca! I remember him! Matt Stairs needs to be in here too.

  19. emily forrest

    anyone watching the olympic bobsleders? USA team always rocks but two of our guys were pretty chubby it made me smile :)

  20. Kat

    C.C. Sabathia is the ultimate fat baseball player right now! Even though I hate the Yankees, his chubby middle makes me happy.

    Look at that gut!

  21. ooonor

    Don’t forget the bobsled teams – they give me hope, too!

  22. Nathan

    As soon as i saw the pic i straight away thought that is funny and it made me feel good!

    Thanx for sharing them.

  23. toasty

    so happy this was the link for food ogling!

    …..still laughing

  24. hahahahahah it is nice.

    Thx for sharing

  25. jeandarc

    how come the pix are only of 1 black guy and 1 brown one? no white fat-assed cows ever play the most boring of “sports”?

  26. I’d say it’s more weird than awesome :|

  27. Kelsey

    omg this website is my life!!

  28. jermoi

    fat baseball players are my life

  29. CarolB.

    Fat baseball players are weird, I guess, but what really gets me are that baseball coaches actually wear a uniform too!!! I mean, could I think that old guy standing among the ranks of players gets to go up to bat too?? Seriously, why do they do that??? Hockey coaches wear suits, basketball coaches wear suits,–football coaches don’t wear a uniform!! What’s with those baseball coaches???

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  31. lol

    emlo has comaded me to EAT YOU

    not really

  32. lol

    i bet this guy likes KFC

  33. oh now do you you should shut your ass up

  34. jerrick

    fat baseball players suck

  35. elmo has a gun watch out for elmo

  36. jerrick

    you guys are all asses

  37. jerrick

    elmo is a gay fagit

  38. elmo has no ass he has a pussy

  39. i have a big vagina do you i love you dicks

  40. lol

    some dudes going to read this and be all like WTF

  41. cassy

    i personally think fat fans are funnier

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