#987 Picking the perfect nacho off someone else’s plate

 No two nachos are created equally.

 When somebody offers you a nacho from their appetizer plate at a restaurant or while on the couch at home in front of a movie, you need to move fast:

  1. First up, quickly scan their entire plate. What stage is this offer being made? Are you in the game when the plate is hot and full, or are we dealing with mostly crumbs and surplus jalapenos at this point? Size up the prize and give a quick yes or no.
  2. Now if you’re going in, don’t wait too long to make your move. If it’s obvious you’re putting too much thought into it, you’ll come across as selfish. Definitely don’t move any toppings around to build yourself a massive All-In Salad Nacho, but there’s no need to pull out that bland, naked chip at the bottom of the Jenga stack either. You weren’t offered crumbs and you don’t deserve crumbs. Remember that.
  3. Next up, locate your prey and dive in. Everyone has their personal preferences, though I’m a big fan of 90 – 100% melted cheese coverage and about 25-50% salsa coverage. Any less cheese coverage, and it’s just taco shell to me. Any more salsa coverage and I feel like I’m drinking the stuff. And hey, if I grab an olive, green onion, or jalapeno, that’s great too, but I don’t push my luck. Lastly, for my money, you can keep that shredded lettuce. That’s just grated water in my books.

Bottom line: know your tastes, size up the game, and dig in quickly. Mastering that perfect pick is a valuable life skill.

Now go grab life by the nachos.


It\'s in there somewhere

73 thoughts on “#987 Picking the perfect nacho off someone else’s plate

  1. See, this is why I hate eating nachos around other people. I’m only going to eat things like soup around you greedy, thieving bastards.

  2. What are the rules when someone grabs a nacho and half the cheese from the plate sticks to that one nacho????

  3. Nachos rock! Screw all other appetizers…nothing can compete with awesome nachos. Keep your fingers away from my plate. All perfect bites are mine. Muwahaha!!!

  4. My grandpa takes food off of my sisters plate all thje time. She’s like “unhh STOP!!”. I laugh every time he does that. Thanks for the info. I will try that sometime.

  5. “You weren’t offered crumbs and you don’t deserve crumbs. Remember that.”

    New life’s motto.


    1. i seriously considered making that my facebook status…and now i’m going to. perfect.

  6. Hey…I love eating nachos!! Can you publish a book…’Eating Nacho’s for Dummies.’ It would be very helpful in the future for many fellow nacho guzzlers!

  7. Hello,
    I’m reading this book and I really like it.

    But I’m italian and I don’t know the meaning of “That’s just grated water in my books.”

    Can someone explain it to me in other words?

  8. The best nacho is the one with the most melted mild cheddar shreds, which is the one my sister always gets when she goes nacho diving on my plate!

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  10. Sort of like the grass is greener on the other side…
    or over the septic tank…
    The perfect nacho is always on someone elses plate, even if it was on yours to begin with!

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