Rare is the Santa Claus who can earnestly grow that full lion’s mane of bright white hair. But I’m sorry, it’s what We The People demand. Fake beards on Santa Claus are an insult. They mock the jolly Christmas cheer, like a wreath made out of lettuce, gingerbread house made of saltines, or a turkey made out of Tofurkey.
So let’s get one thing straight, Kringle — grow the real beard or don’t apply at the mall. It’s that simple. And it’s what the fraternity demands.
AWESOME!
32 Comments
July 31, 2008 at 6:59 am
Santa lives in my apartment complex when he’s not at the North Pole. He lives three doors down and a floor below me. He is jolly and fat and has a full, long, white beard. He masquerades as a biker so that the kiddies won’t torment him all year, except when he forgets and wears his fire engine-red t-shirt and suspenders.
July 31, 2008 at 8:51 am
My young son was in awe to discover that Santa shops at the same Safeway as us. He pointed out that there were no cookies in the cart. Ever since, we can only leave out butterscotch pudding and graham crackers.
November 22, 2009 at 1:57 am
CUUUUUUUTTTEEEE!!!
August 27, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Surely he doesn’t buy them ‘cos people give him so many, not because he doesn’t like them!
July 31, 2008 at 10:08 am
The Santa at Sherway Gardens mall in Etobicoke has an AWESOME real beard. My daughter caught on early that some mall Santa’s are fake. My explanation was that Santa is too busy at the North Pole to hang out at malls, so he gets some other dudes to help out. But you never know if it might, just might, be the real Santa. A real beard goes a long way to create that kind of mystique. I heard that this particular Santa is also a trained opera singer, which is probably why his ho-ho-hos can be heard throughout the mall.
March 13, 2010 at 6:07 pm
That’s frikin AWESOME! Wish I had that kind of imagination, when it comes to my little brother! And he sure sounds cool!
July 31, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Love the real bearded santa. And you’re right, they’re rare anymore. Our mall has a great one at Christmas time though – real beard and very realistic. The kids love him.
August 1, 2008 at 1:17 am
Hey, don’t diss the Tofurky! It lets us veggie people experience/relive the traditional family Xmas/Thanksgiving meal in style! Go, Tofurky!
June 28, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Yeah Neil! NO DISSING THE TOFURKY! It takes a lot of guts to be a vegetarian. Chicken, turkey, and “real” burgers smell so good, but I haven’t had any since the age of three.
It’s an interesting story, I was eating chicken one night, and I kinda rubbed it in my mom’s face (I was three alright!?), since she was a vegetarian. I chanted “ I’m eating chicken! I’m eating chicken!” She said back, “Well, I just wouldn’t kill a chicken personally, so why would I eat one?”
Then it hit me that chicken was real chicken.
And I haven’t eaten meat since then.
June 28, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Oh, and I spit the chicken out and began sobbing.
August 2, 2008 at 7:24 am
Richard Attenborough is the real Santa. Nobody should dispute this.
September 15, 2008 at 12:48 am
Beards = awesome in general, but you are right on: real Santa beards are the best.
October 3, 2008 at 12:35 pm
A daughter of a friend of mine got lice from Santa’s real beard one Christmas. Not awesome.
October 21, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I must protest the mean spirit of this article! It surely does not reflect the spirit that Santa tries to bring to young and old alike. If you are interested in finding out about the fake bearded Santa, I invite you to go to http://www.santaandsam.com or to read the book, Santa and Sam’s Big Secret.
October 22, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Well I wish people would contact us owners and caretakers of our websites and groups before posting eroneous comments about us not to mention linking untruthful stories to our sites.
I am the owner and moderator of the Fraternity of International Real Bearded Santas. Lots of people have lots of preferences to lots of things but our purpose is not to exclude Santas but to include those with a common trait for discussions and care. We as a Fraternity strive to be the best that we can for the betterment of Christmas and the enjoyment of all, small or tall.
BTW, does the Santa in the picture know you’re using it or are you also violating internation copyright law?
Santa Tom Kliner
mailto:santas_home@hotmail.com
mailto:santa@sleighridermedia.com
http://www.santatom.com
http://www.sleighrider.com
http://groups.msn.com/SantasAcrosstheGlobe
http://groups.msn.com/FIRBSantas
December 18, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Real Santa’s rock. Santa was driving a VW beetle next to me at the stoplight yesterday.
December 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm
[...] #971 Real-bearded Santas [...]
January 27, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Once every ten years, at the start of a new decade, 2,000 local residents of the small German town of Oberammergau perform the Passionsspiele (Passion Play), a dramatic recreation of the last days of Christ. The residents are required to not have their hair cut until the play is finished, for authenticity’s sake.
Granted, their German hue, and likely German wine attenuate this lovely tradition somewhat, but I can respect the devotion.
I don’t think it’s too much to have a designated, authentic santa. Sure, he may not be able to levitate his plethora poundage of a behind with the help of magical reindeer, but I don’t think not taking sharp implements to natural hair growth is too much to ask.
May 11, 2009 at 10:14 pm
In the town I live in, I often see a white bearded gentleman wearing red, driving around in his van with garland on the dashboard (year round)!
Makes you smile a bit inside.
May 31, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I don’t think I ever saw a real bearded one yet.
July 11, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Columbiana Centre in Columbus, S. C. has the most wonderful real beard santa claus in the world…just ask his grandkids…& everyone else who has their picture taken with him…
August 14, 2009 at 9:15 am
So, so true.
I remember once when I was a child actually crying when I saw the Santa in the mall, and my mother told me to go over. I’m pretty sure he was a faker of the beard…
Real bearded santas just make me happier and more in the Christmas spirit
August 31, 2009 at 6:28 pm
My father-in-law is the real deal. What is truly awesome is going to the beach with him in the summer and watching the reactions of all the believers out there (including the adults)! Too Cool.
November 15, 2009 at 3:54 pm
my grandad has always had a white beard, to a point i was concinced he was santa. at christmas time he purposefully let it grow and wore green or red jumpers so we though he was getting to deliver presents. even now me, my brother and all my cousins are all grown up he still does it. the best time was when we were in a toy shop, he was looking at a train set, and a little boy stood there wide eyed convinced he was santa claus, pulling on his mums coat to get her to look. you can’t imagine how amazing it is to be that kid who spots my grandad. awesome.
November 17, 2009 at 3:57 am
I hate to tell you, everyone, bu the truest Santa that ever existed died in 1996. He was my grandfather. He never shaved his beard, he was a VOLUNTEER mall Santa, and exuded Christmas cheer year round. Never has a truer embodiment of the White Bearded Kringle existed.
I haven’t visited a Santa since you passed, Grampy! I love you, and your white beard.
December 10, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You wouldn’t believe it but I have wasted all day looking for some info about this. I wish I knew of this site earlier, it was a interesting read and has helped me out to no end. Cheers, <a href="http://ezinearticles.com/?Funny-Christmas-Songs-For-Children—Groove-King-Senseless
January 13, 2010 at 7:10 pm
[...] about mas parece que se chama Neil Pasricha lista 1000 coisas que ele gosta na vida. Por exemplo, Papais Noéis com barbas reais e Ouvir sua nova música favorita trocentas vezes. Acho meio emo às vezes mas valorizo e agora [...]
March 13, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Ew Tofurky?! Wouldn’t eat that even if my life depended on it! If I was small enough I would walk up to one of those beard-fakers and pull said fake beard clear off their faces! Ha, to you my fake friend!
May 9, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Where do you find these websites!? I love the post to, by the way, it was wonderfully random in a joyous way of course, as are all random things!
May 31, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Sitting having a hot dog at Costco with my four year old son about 1 month after Christmas. A gentleman with the long WHITE beard and RED hat walked by pushing his cart. He caught my son staring at him, smiled, and said “HO HO HO!”. The look on my son’s face was priceless.
Awesome!
July 27, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Well, I won’t tell you how to find my, but I am THE real Santa:)) Ho ho ho, c’mon Rudolf, let’s go:P
August 24, 2010 at 5:03 pm
It’s what’s behind Santa’s beard that counts: