#970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around

Cleans your hands better

Anyone else out there have a bladder the size of a walnut? One that fills up after a few spoons of soup and is on attention, ready to drain any time of the day? If you’re afraid of getting a drink before the movie or having a glass of water anytime after 6pm, then you’re with me. My small and weak-bladdered brothers and sisters of the world, unite!

See, we got issues, me and you. We’re terrible on airplanes. We never get to experience the 7-11 Super Big Gulp. And maybe worst of all, we’re always forcing our friends to help us find public washrooms when we’re walking or driving anywhere, which really drives them crazy. Sorry, friends.

If you’re with me on this one, then you know these searches for decent public washrooms really are a fine art. That perfect place to unzip and drip is always out there, but you really need to be careful. With that warning, let me present to you the Top 5 Places To Pee When You’re Out Somewhere:

  • Brought to you by the richest company in the world#5 Gas stations. Gas stations know they are easy prey for the worst kind of fly-by urinators — those who don’t live nearby, give their name, or plan on ever coming back. Those kind of people do not respect bathroom facilities — that we know from the racist scrawls on bathroom walls and the obvious mistaking of floors for toilets. Bad ones smell rancid. Good ones smell like a flatbed truck full of urinal pucks sitting on a garbage dump. But hey, sometimes gas stations appear like toilet mirages on the horizon, and at least you know they’re almost always open, and almost always have a toilet. So we give you Number 5, gas stations. Thanks for coming out.
  • #4 Bus or train stations. Bus or train station bathrooms are just like gas stations, but with one key difference: maintenance. Whereas gas stations are usually being run by individual owner-operators or a couple of teenagers working the midnight shift who employ the use of a key on a big piece of wood instead of a toilet brush and mop, bus or train stations are generally run by formal transit authorities or city governments who employ people just to clean the place up, because otherwise they’d look bad and maybe get kicked off the board or something. The other plus to bus or train stations is size. They usually have rows of stalls or urinals instead of one. Very little chance of having to wait. So thanks, bus or train station bathroom. You’re there when we need you.
  • 3. Restaurants. Next, restaurants! Okay, we’re starting to get into decent bathroom territory now. Here there’s maybe an extra ply on the toilet paper and perhaps a sports section or Far Side comic pinned up over the urinal. Restaurant bathrooms are much better, but they are a little hard to get at — you’ve either got to sit down and buy something, or pretend you’re looking for someone before running to the back of the place. Care and delicacy is required. Not for the full or faint of heart.
  • Time for some Toilet Duck2. Somebody’s nearby house – Always great for a pit stop when you’re driving. This is where you make the mid-trip pit stop at a local friend’s apartment or house. They don’t necessarily have to be hanging out with you at the time. Just buzzing their place and asking if you can use the can is completely fine. Once you get in you’ll be living large with thick toilet paper, some fancy tangerine-pomegranate cream soap maybe, and occasionally a stack of dog-eared magazines. Try not to judge them based on all that hair in the sink, the bath towel laying on the floor, or the bright, glowing toilet bowl ring staring up at you like the eye of Sauron. Don’t judge, just enjoy and get out.
  • 1. Hotel lobby bathrooms - Now we finally reach the cream of the crop, the cherry on the sundae, the top of the roller coaster. Yes, the spacious, luxurious, over-the-top hotel lobby bathrooms really are magical when you’ve been walking around all day, sweating under a backpack and blazing sun, just searching for a place to lighten your load. Hotel bathrooms are great because they are so sinful and wasteful. Really, nothing in there is necessary! In a hotel bathroom you can pretend you’re the Emperor of Toilets, commander over a vast plumbing empire, ruler of all faucets and mirrors for miles around. Hotel lobby bathrooms treat us street-walking folks like uppity business class travelers. I mean, who likes to dry their hands with face cloths anyway? Who needs chairs or couches in the bathroom for that post-dump lounge? And who really wants one of those bathroom butlers sneakily wedged into a corner wearing a tux, holding out cologne and towels for you? Who needs this?

Well us, that’s who! We thimble-bladdered folk need this once in a while. I’m sorry but we need it. A little pampering and comforting for our terrible genetic sins. So thank you, hotel lobby bathrooms for treating us with grace and dignity amongst a world of people who don’t like to hang out with us.

AWESOME!

Unnecessary yet amazing

56 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

56 responses to “#970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around

  1. You missed a key one – Barnes and Noble! Man, that store is like gold when you’ve really gotta go. Not only are they kept clean and easy to get into, but they provide plenty of reading material if you’re going to take awhile.

  2. Tom

    “Good ones smell like a flatbed truck full of urinal pucks sitting on a garbage dump. ”

    You know, I’ve always been hard-pressed to accurately describe the “good” gas station bathrooms, but the above statement now is sufficient. Good work, sir.

  3. Kate

    The 2 best places to use the restroom are 1: Public libraries. They are usually open during business hours and weekends, the restrooms are clean, and you don’t have to buy or sign up for anything. But the absolute best place? Starbucks. They all have bathrooms, they are always clean, and they are EVERYWHERE.

  4. southernofficechairs

    Too funny!
    My husband just knows to be ready for a “pit stop” at any given time when we are on the road so I could really relate to this post.
    Thanks for the smiles!

    Is it ok if I add your blog to my favorites?
    Thanks.

    SouthernOfficeChairs.com

  5. Harper

    http://www.thestar.com/article/469385

    Did they copy your idea? This article was printed the day after your blog entry. There was a follow-up in Saturday’s paper going on about hotel lobby washrooms too. Nice work!

  6. jdurley

    To add a challenge: use public restrooms in hotels or restaurants that you are massively underdressed for. This is especially fun in snobbier places like Paris or NYC. Just walk right in there confidently, like you’re headed for the elevator, then make a quick dash down the hall / stairs to the bathrooms. On the way out, ask the conceirge for directions to something.

  7. LOL….I just thought of something else:
    How many of you feel obligated to BUY something if you use a convenience store’s bathroom?
    Ever notice how the store is completely empty when you come out and try to make your get-a-way? :-):-):-) I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of money I’ve spent on those calorie-laden “snacks” that are conveniently located between the direct glare of the clerk and the exit doors after you’ve just used their restroom.
    SOC

  8. hannah

    lawl this blog is hilarious! and dont worry folks, america is covered in cracker barrels. in our employee training it actually said something about making sure that travelers can use the bathrooms without feeling pressured into buying a shitty kenny rogers cd or food they could make at home with a box of bisquick.

  9. The DC Metro stations do not have bathrooms. Not fun at 3am after a night of drinking.

  10. PMedGuy

    What about the mall bathroom. I would rank that one in between the restaurant and train/bus station. But I have been in some pretty nice ones as well.

  11. LC

    this cracked me up, but reminded me of a website i found recently. it totally goes along with this and is helpful to “clean freaks” with walnut bladders. check it out – http://www.sitorsquat.com

  12. Pingback: #877 Getting in a line just before it gets really long « 1000 Awesome Things

  13. Chloe The Kid

    ahhh i love this!

    i do it all the time when im walking around an have to piss :D

  14. roxanne

    Casino bathrooms are awesome. I don’t know if the Grand Casino in Biloxi was resotred after Katrina, but their ladies’ room downstairs in the non-smoking section used to be a work of art…..Flocked wallpaper, roomy stalls with soft tp, a very nice matron who handed you soft paper towels. A table containing mouthwas and cups, sewing supplies, feminine supplies, expensive perfumes and hand lotions to use….

  15. Paul

    ‘Yes! Oh, yes!’ on this one.

    I live in a seaside town, and while I could go to the dank-whole, junkie dwelling public loos; it doesn’t quite possess the magic of using the spotless, upmarket department store ones…without buying anything.

    And it was blissful. And it was awesome.

  16. Brian

    I agree with the mall bathrooms. If you really gotta go, hit up a Neiman Marcus or Saks. You would be amazed at how nice those bathrooms are, in a mall!!!

  17. Buzzwinkle

    To this day the most notable bowel movement of my life occured in a life saving hotel bathroom that glistened in the distance like Cinderalla’s Castle at Disney World.

  18. Jessica

    A friend of mine is one of these tiny-bladdered people, and we both studied abroad in London. When we would pregame before a night out, she couldn’t make it from our flat to the nearest Tube station without stopping in one of the very nice hotels in the VERY nice neighborhood where we lived. That’s peeing in the lap of luxury.

  19. Another giggle-worthy post. Not only that, the one about the hotel is so darn true. Haha.

  20. Kirra

    This really made my day. It’s like you know me!

    I had a particularly memorable bathroom stop in a fancy hotel in Dublin last year while travelling around Europe. I was with 2 friends and headed from the city to the airport on a bus, which I knew would be at least a 45 minute ride, when, some 10 minutes into the trip, that terrible feeling hit and I said “we need to get off… now.” The next stop was in front of a huge, swanky hotel and no other place in sight seemed like a potty-possibility so we went inside in our grubby jeans and tee-shirts and giant backpacks and my gracious friends bravely camped out in the lobby for some 15-20 minutes while I made sure I had gotten my bladder as empty as possible before they convinced me that we HAD to catch the next bus to the airport or we would miss our flight.

    If backpacking in Europe isn’t adventurous enough, doing so with an exceptionally small bladder will sure make it interesting!

  21. Jennifer Smith

    What would otherwise be thrown as thrash (used sheets) can be turned into fun and education toys for kids. You would be surprised at how many designs are available. For example, there are 50 different paper airplane designs at http://www.paperairplaneshq.com and that’s just one websites. There are thousands of websites that teach how to fold a paper airplane.

  22. Hello,thanks for this useful blogg, i really find much new things on it and i really loved the design of the blogg. I found it on google. I also want to wish you a happy new year.

  23. Janice

    So true! I drove from LA to Phoenix with friends last weekend and our first stop to use the restroom was a gas station. And let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty at all. Then a couple of hours later we stopped at a hotel to use their bathroom facilities. And that made the trip a WHOLE lot better. Those bathrooms are heavenly sent. Thank you hotels for your much needed bathrooms on road trips!

  24. I really liked that post, I am a little puzzled, and have a tiny question. Can I send you an email?

  25. Nishcas

    I agree, totally AWESOME! I love the hotel lobby bathrooms!

  26. Finally, to insure that you do indeed have the best betting odds that you can get, it is crucial as a bettor to shop the money line and the odds. Any reputable sports book online would offer the best line for your wagers without coercion. However, once you have found the best deal, it is important to verify and scrutinize the odds based on the past performance of the particular teams involved you can make appropriate judgments that can be indicative of the weaknesses and strengths of the respective sporting teams. You should also do research on the sports players, injury lists, and the teams if possible.

  27. i can totally relate, neil. i have a tiny, tiny pea- (pun intended, oh yes!) sized bladder. so yes. this is an out of the ballpark hit. barnes and noble is great–office bathrooms are great!–and did you know that forever 21 megastores have bathrooms? hmmm? i rely big time on airport bathrooms when i travel…and of course i HAVE to have the aisle seat. i may actually get a panic attack otherwise!

  28. Amelia

    My mom is one of those people you mentioned with the walnut-sized bladder. With her I’ve experienced some very interesting bathrooms, including the Plaza Hotel in New York City.

  29. Sara

    I went into a Bookmans Used once…. nicest bathroom ever! I was so shocked! the stores was kinda bleh… but man was the bathroom nice.

  30. Certainly beats any other pubic toilets!

  31. bathroom towels should be maintained with a good fabric conditioner so that they will last longer ;.’

  32. grand central stations are really built with some great architectural design, they are very impressive

  33. Pingback:  | Laughter Yoga Club America - Laughing Yoga Education, Training and Workshops

  34. Pingback: Awesomeness « mental indigestion

  35. I was also reading a subject like this a single from a different web-site.~~???:

  36. Ernie

    Great simple pleasure….first thing I do after checking in & unloading luggage into my room is check out the lobby rest room. Next morning, armed with hotel newspaper & coffee, I’m off to the “library”. My morning “sit down” one of the most relaxing times, plus the added benefit of not grossing out the wife by ruining the room.

  37. wendywithaurora

    one great place in our town~
    The Waterfront Prestige~
    says it all?!*
    Butt seriously, we have a friend who built a cedar lined out house with a 150′ deep earthen hole; a string of white lights line the trail to the throne with a moon shaped window in the door~smells of the forest and a clear view of glacier mountains and lake…now this is Cl-assy!

  38. A short time ago, I just didn’t offer a great deal of thought to causing side effects on weblog web site articles or blog posts as well as have inserted responses actually fewer. Looking through through ones satisfying post, will be helpful all of us to accomplish this from time to time.

    • wendywithaurora

      This is so true!
      When I learned of blogging from the movie, “Julia and Julia”, remarkable the story, I nearly couldn’t believe it and thought I’d never and here I am, 6 months later, LOVING IT!

  39. Admiring the persistence you put into your site and detailed information you provide. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed information. Great read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  40. I think youve produced some genuinely interesting points. Not too many people would in fact think about this the way you just did. Im truly impressed that theres so substantially about this subject thats been uncovered and you did it so properly, with so a lot class. Good one you, man! Genuinely great stuff here.

  41. Hey There. I found your blog using StumbleUpon. This is a really well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

  42. Hi, I totally agree with you! Just obey my previous comment

  43. Tom

    i thinks you may have missed a couple here (dependent on gender). first, this can rank between 4th and 2nd but requires nerves of steel, the strangers bathroom. That’s right, walking up to an unknown house ringing the doorbell and asking to use the toilet. resulting in one of the greatest rewards of desperate urination, a big mistake in character of the occupant’s hygiene or rejection. finally this only applies to males, obviously, and its the right to pee wherever we want to, the world is our toilet.

  44. :O There are some nice bathrooms in these pictures … together with an ugly one haha

  45. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning – Lamentations 3:22-

  46. Thanks for your advice on this blog. One thing I want to say is that often purchasing electronic products items over the Internet is certainly not new. The fact is, in the past several years alone, the market for online electronic devices has grown drastically. Today, you can find practically any kind of electronic gadget and tools on the Internet, which include cameras in addition to camcorders to computer spare parts and gambling consoles.

  47. Wonderful goods from you, man. #970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around | 1000 Awesome Things I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely excellent. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it sensible. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a terrific #970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around | 1000 Awesome Things informations.

  48. I visited various web sites but the audio feature for audio songs existing at this web site is truly fabulous.

  49. #970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around | 1000 Awesome Things I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You’re incredible! Thanks! your article about #970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around | 1000 Awesome Things Best Regards Yoder Cassetta

  50. Pingback: 1000 Awesome Things – #1000 back to #951 | a ♥ of steel

I've got something awesome to add...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s