#969 Tire names

Call me crazy

A friend and I were out recently buying a new set of tires for the balding Spaldings on her old Mazda. This was her first time buying tires, so we basically listened to the sales guy’s advice on what she should get.

“Well, you know the Eagle Eyes are pretty good,” he began “They’re better for winter driving than the Commanders, but not as good as the Ice Claws. But then again, if you’re on a budget then there’s nothing wrong with the Destinys. Sure, they’ve got a slightly lower mileage than the Evertreks or the Neverending Trails, but they’re definitely going to be better bang for your buck than the Hunter XTs or the Peregrines.”

Seemingly targeted at the little sack of testosterone hanging in the back of guy’s brains, tire names conjure up images of grit, muscles, dirt, and birds of prey. I think we have to presume the big tire companies tested other names, but they just got the thumbs down from the focus groups. That’s why you can’t buy a set of Flying Chickadees, Sidewalk Renegades, or Rainbow Escapades.

But however they came to be, one thing’s for sure — tire names are a tiny bit of hilarious nonsense we can all enjoy.


Smooth as a Toyota Camry

37 thoughts on “#969 Tire names

  1. I concur on this one as well. They add all the numbers/letters just to emphasize the pure adreneline/testosterone rush.

    Give me the Goodyear Armpit Hair P135/R99/Hut/Hike/Steel belted radials.

    Love it.

  2. Ha! My truck has Hankooks. Do you mean Hancock, Heather? While an equally silly name, no! I mean my truck has Hankooks.

  3. Why is “How to get a six pack fast” even here?

    That isn’t a name, and no one knows what you said in your post!

  4. It really depends on your goal. If your goal is to be entirely immobile, then by all means, continue doing what you’re doing. If you want to build strength then see a doctor and follow through with therapy. The reason medical intervention didn’t work for anybody you know is because they probably half-assed their recovery and gave up.

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  6. That’s too funny. I really think the guys who come up with these names also do so for adult toys. :)

  7. I wish more people would write blogs like this that are actually fun to read. With all the fluff floating around on the net, it is rare to read a blog like yours instead.

  8. Ya know, despite the fact that I’m a bona-fide, gasoline-runs-thru-my-veins car freak, I buy all my tires used. As long as they have good tread, they all match, and preferably have whitewalls (I know, I’m old school!) I don’t really care what they are called…..

  9. My tyres (sorry UK spelling) say “KUMHO” on them…that’s some seriously dirty s***t right there.

  10. My favourite tyre name (UK spelling in New Zealand too) was for a Steel Belted Radial called Remington Steel. Any one else old enought to find this funny? (Think early Pierce Brosnan)

    1. Besides, the name reminds me of one of my first night time television favorite characters, Ed Sullivan’s, Topo Gigio.

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