August 14, 2008...12:01 am

#961 Yellow teeth

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Not pretty

Hey, since when are teeth supposed to be beaming white, shining like little flashlights whenever somebody laughs or smiles?

The way it’s been lately with the whitening strips, gels, gums, and toothpastes, the baking soda this, the dental bleaching that, well it almost seems like Having Bright White Teeth is becoming another mandatory personal hygiene norm, landing in the pile with a hollow clank alongside showering every day, wearing deodorant, and flushing the toilet when you only did Number One.

So to that I say: Wait! Let’s just settle down and calmly rethink this whole situation before it gets out of hand. We haven’t checked the box and stamped approved on the application just yet, so people, there’s still time. We can reject unnaturally white teeth and go back to the way things were.

Yes, I’m talking about the yellow teeth of your youth, the au natural teeth, the teeth you grew up with, the modest aw shucks pearly yellows of Joe Everyman and Jane Everylady. We can still embrace the teeth that get stained with coffee and smoke and spaghetti sauce and Indian food. The teeth that love us no matter who we are or what we eat.

If you aren’t yet picking up what I’m putting down, then I’ve got just one more reason to love yellow teeth again: cause white teeth hurt. I’m talking hot and cold sensitivity, weakened enamel, and receding gum lines. Girl, it ain’t pretty. Don’t get messed up and addicted to the whitening stuff. No, we like having you around. Nobody wants to find you sprawled face-down on a stained motel room carpet, little squeezed-out packs of Crest Whitestrips laying all over the floor.

So come with me, back to the world where teeth are yellow. The way they were meant to be. And hey, next time someone comes up to you, points you square in the mouth, and says “Buddy, your teeth are yellow!”, just smile, look them square in the eye, and say, “Why yes, yes they are. And you know what? I think that’s alllllllllright.”

AWESOME!

Now that's what I'm talking about

Photos from: here and here

29 Comments

  • As a man who has recently been receiving increasingly vicious and worrying letters from his dentist (“why you no come get-a your teeth clean?” He’s Italian), this post warms the heart. Honest, it does.

    I love this blog for making me feel better about myself.

  • Awesome article! I totally agree with you! People shouldn’t be obsessed. I brush my teeth twice a day and do some Listerine along side that. I’ll never touch that teeth whitener crap. My teeth are already naturally sensitive. :/

  • Do you know who has delightfully yellow teeth? Ron MacLean! I noticed while watching olympic coverage in HD. They’re not even straight, either!

  • some dental hygienist

    Unperfect teeth add character :-)

    I much prefer natural color and alignment over perfectly-straightened-and-whitened teeth.

  • My teeth suck. I suck my teeth because there may be some food left between them. There yellow cos I some shitty cigars. And I love it that way

  • [...] you never got braces, then you look up to Laurence Fishburne. Because who says you have to have perfect teeth, [...]

  • I have one tooth that sticks out of my mouth when I try to smile :(

  • My teeth are fake and yellow. I got it worse than anyone ha.

  • I like people who leave their teeth the way they are naturally(except those who have to have dentures that’s not their choice) I don’t use bleaching crap and all that jazz. I brush my teeth daily. Granted they are not celebrity pearl white but I like them the way they are. And so does my dentist :)

  • Yuck, really yellowed teeth are nasty, but white teeth are even worse. Naturally yellowed teeth that aren’t shining white, yet they’re still not yellowed and disgusting, that’s nice. I mean AWESOME.

  • Hear… hear…
    Obviously for one’s state of mind or spirit, taking care and precautions to ensure the best version of you, but when authenticity is compromised, as with anything, it’s just an obvious outward sign of hyper insecurity.
    Like a huge zit caked with foundation I can not take my eyes off apair of fake boobs, or a pair of bright white perfectly shaped railings, (translation: teeth)

  • haha, this is a funny take on teeth whitening. I, for one, am all for having white teeth, but only if you achieve this goal using natural methods. No dental bleaching for me!

  • I also think that all these so called teeth whitening products ceratinly have side effects. so it is better to keep the teeth white using natural methods.

  • I have a chip in one of my crooked, front teeth.

    sometimes, i think it’s pretty awesome.

    • I have perfect teeth thanks to braces but my other front tooth is chipped too. It’s a bit shorter that the other one. I love it, I’d never get it fixed.

  • ive been lookin for some good teeth whitening infomation thanks for pointing me in the right direction

  • I HATE people with yellow teeth!! It grosses me out! EEEWE!! I wish I could have white teeth like the super stars!!!

  • My teeth aren’t crooked, in fact they aren’t even that yellow. They’re not perfect but they have character. I really appreciate this post. :)

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  • Is there a certain Teeth whitening product that you could suggest that you suspect works great?

  • white teeth, fake tans, plastic boobs, puffy lips from the doctor, = insecure people

  • I don’t understand the comparison between having shiny white teeth (even using whitening strips) and having a fake tan or fake breasts. I can’t stand the sight of yellow teeth, and I’m not a shallow person. It’s a matter of hygiene for me; if someone has off-white teeth, it’s kind of a big turn-off.

  • Nice discussion and I appreciate your input. Quick question. We are getting ready to install wordpress ourselves. Can you share a good resource for templates and the best plug ins to make it easy for staff to update content in a nice user friendly way? Thx in advance.


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