It sure is a sign of gluttonous satisfaction when you find yourself home alone, slouching on the couch in front of the TV with your eyes half open, a steady trail of cookie crumbs dripping from your mouth onto your shirt and pants, chocolate smears on your lips and fingers, and the telltale cookie package laying beside you, the plastic tray peeled all the way out of the bag, entire rows laying vacant except for a bit of brown dust and maybe a rogue chocolate chip or two.
Yes, it’s satisfying all right, because many delicious cookies were eaten, without witnesses, in a very quick and steady stream, by shoving them into your mouth, chewing a few times, and then swallowing quickly to make room for the next one. You’re a cookie monster and you love it.
Eating cookies like Cookie Monster is great because, more than anything, it represents freedom. Yes, free thought takes you to the pantry, free will makes you grab that cookie package and sit down on the couch, and free Wonder Years reruns keep you company while you sit down and enjoy. You’re the Executive Chef in your personal Dessert Kitchen here. Just tell me that’s not liberating.
I mean, sure, we all know it’s not the greatest idea to eat a pile of cookies just before bed, but that’s not the point. The point is: you can do it. Yes, you’ve come a long way from the portion-controlled cookie snacks you got when you were a kid, that maybe two or three cookies in a small plate with a tall glass of milk that just whet your appetite for more. Now it’s all you all the time, baby. Nobody is going to stop you except you. You can eat a whole row. You can eat two whole rows. You can plough them in there. You can savor them slowly. The point is, it’s such a great feeling to scarf cookies without abandon like Cookie Monster.
Truly, he was the role model for us all.
AWESOME!
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23 Comments
September 19, 2008 at 2:22 am
I believe Cookie Monster consumes cookies WITH reckless abandon. As he should. As we ALL should.
September 19, 2008 at 3:00 am
To quote a more recent Sesame street…. ” Cookie are a sometimes food”….. you know …fat America and all.
September 20, 2008 at 8:40 am
I think that this is a great idea if you’re Bill Gates… or that telecom guy from Mexico.
As gas prices continue to rise, so will the price of cookies. Don’t waste the crumbs of cookies. Although it’s enjoyable, you should certainly be sure to not waste any of the tasty cookie–for some day they might be too expensive to consume. Be sure to eat diligently to make sure you’re dropping as few crumbs as possible. This way, when cookies are more expensive, you’ll have more money to buy them–since you didn’t have to waste money on buying more cookies to make up for the crumbs you lost.
Be warned, you heard it here first.
p.s. Buy cookie futures. Gold mine.
:)
September 23, 2008 at 8:57 am
Yes to cookies, but even better, Yes to cookies that you bake yourself! There are any number of excellent recipes but the one that has brought the biggest smiles in recent years is the recipe on the back of the Ghirardelli bags of chocolate baking chips. (Here is the one from their web site: http://www.ghirardelli.com/bake/recipe.aspx?id=1017)
And by the way, I am thoroughly enjoying reading your blog, packed with witty observation and reflection. In fact, your posts are like a bag of delicious cookies ;-)
Cheers, Laurie
September 23, 2008 at 10:28 am
You’re supposed to eat the cookies (all of them in one go) then pour the crumbly remains of the formerly consumed from the now spent holding tray into the milk you’ve been consuming with said cookies. Swish it about and drink for an extra special ending to what was a cookie massacre of epic proportions.
My nickname from years ago was “Cookie” because of such a thing as this.
“Sometimes food” my ass! Its either more cookies or more prozac. Cookies are cheaper and taste better! :)
January 26, 2009 at 12:33 am
[...] Mr. Snuffleupagus exists, Oscar’s mellowed out a little, and even though the Cookie Monster still loves cookies, he now considers them a Sometimes [...]
February 1, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Cookies are one of the best foods you can have as a snack.
April 1, 2009 at 1:14 pm
This post would have been much funnier if it was just a few sentences long.
May 16, 2009 at 7:51 pm
when you bite into a cookie,
and it turns out to be soft :D
November 29, 2009 at 8:48 pm
cookies, in general, are awesome.
December 8, 2009 at 2:07 am
He taught us to consume like an American!
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January 26, 2010 at 11:38 pm
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May 6, 2010 at 2:21 pm
A few years ago my new cheap replica watch stopped at 9:42. From that day forward, 9:42 was dubbed cookie time–
oop, g2g, cookie time.
January 31, 2010 at 12:46 am
Yay!
February 17, 2010 at 1:17 am
cookie dough is even better!
March 1, 2010 at 7:07 pm
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May 5, 2010 at 11:47 am
Did you ever notice the most tragic thing about the cookie monster? He has no throat! So he can chew the cookies, but he can never swallow them. The crumbs just spray everywhere except for in his stomach. It always makes me sad…
May 15, 2010 at 3:23 pm
even better eating cookies fresh out of the oven like cookie monster’
July 4, 2010 at 4:10 pm
uhh, when i was 5 i told my mom ‘mom, guess what! i have a super secret that nobody could know, and the government must be in on it! cookie monster dsnt actually eat the cookie! he just pretends to, but it all goes on the floor!’ :O dont u miss sesame street?