When I peel the top off a new jar of peanut butter I like to pretend I’m a scientist peering through the world’s most powerful telescope, catching Earth’s first glimpse of a new, strange and distant planet. “It’s got a smooth surface,” I exclaim to the lab of giddy professors standing breathlessly beside me. “Yes, it’s a beautiful airless landscape, untouched, undisturbed, and light brown.”
Because seriously, that’s what the top of a jar of peanut butter looks like to me. I almost feel bad thinking about what I’m about to do, because it’s just so perfect, smooth, and dense. But I put some bread in the toaster anyway, grab a spoon from the drawer, and then go right ahead and dig that spoon in there deep, catching a heavy handful of thick PB when I pull up, a loud, wet, satisfying schthlop plopping out of the jar.
It’s a great feeling.
After that, I’m an artist. I can just leave a big, gaping hole right in the middle of the jar, or I can do it all up real fancy and twirl and swirl it around a little, or I can painstakingly carve a moat around the outside of the jar, leaving a perfect, flat island in the middle, becoming more and more unstable with every passing day. The options are unlimited.
Really, I think getting the first dig in a jar of peanut butter is the kitchen equivalent of stabbing a flag into the moon and claiming it as your own. I mean, you mark that peanut butter. You brand it. You add your little stamp and you put it back in the pantry, ready and waiting for the next big schthlop.
AWESOME!
I like to keep as much of that smooth surface as intact as possible, so I slice through a small section near the edge, creating an opening to the peanut butter below. Then, on subsequent peanut butter uses, I tunnel underneath the surface through that small opening, getting as much out before the top collapses.
Hmm…your making me want a pb&j sandwich right now!!!!
Shit, I better get used to it…check this out:
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/09/23/bah-fucking-humbug/
the first scoop of nutella is even better :)
Agree!!!
Yeah it is so smooth at first, after so long it looks like a mess after so many scoops are taken out.
You’re probably not old enough to remember this, but when I was a kid, there was one brand of PB that actually contained one peanut at the top of the PB. When you opened the jar for the first time that was your prize.
“it’s the one with the peanut on top!”
Taking that first scoop out of the peanut butter was always a race, growing up in my family of five. Whoever spotted the new jar in the cupboard first would swipe that first scoop out of it, and then seal it back up like new. Thanks for reminding me!
Loree, we do this in my family – I have taken a picture on my phone of me in the supermarket, peanut butter delidded and finger poked and sent to my kids – “mummy wins” – yiha!
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One word, Chunky.
I love destroying that sweet, smooth surface by dipping in a chocolate biscuit and just going wild, trying to get as much PB as you can onto that tiny biscuit. Awesome!
this is truly awesome. i love that feeling.
I love peanut butter! This just made my day! I just got my wisdom teeth out and I dont think I can eat peanut butter..it is very depressing.
*blink blink*
wow we must eat different kinds of peanut butter! Didnt you have to stir it? When I was a kid it was always a race NOT to be the first person to open the jar. mucking about with the oil and getting it all over the jar and the counter. No fun at all :(
I also remember getting a single peanut on top of the peanutty mass, and I’m not that old……*cough*24*cough* or at least I like to pretend I’m not. :P
re: Emily If you buy the natural peanut butter you have to stir it because the oil seperates
When I was a kid, I insisted that I carve my initials into the top of the peanut butter before anyone else could touch it. Then I’d try to scoop out the peanut butter around my writing, savoring my initials for as long as possible. This was especially satisfying with the huge 5 pound buckets of PB.
Finally, someone who feels the exact same way as I do!
I’m the same way! I like to make shapes in my peanut butter. Right now I’m trying to do a butterfly, but it’s not working so well…
@Becca: I did the same thing. With the knife (I thought my dad was weird for using spoon to spread peanut butter, but I guess it’s the norm) I would carefully carve my initials into the surface. X)
First scoop of cheez whiz is even better, because it’s the only time the “cheese” is room temperature. Bonerrific!
The smell of the peanut butter is always better when you’re the first person to open it.
I always liked taking the little flower or swoop from the middle of margarine tubs too.
YES! You MMD!
I like carving my initials into the top of the peanut butter but then I especially love destroying them afterwards.
The brand of peanut butter I get has a very effective foil seal over the top, with about an inch of air between the foil and the peanut butter surface. The foil is stretched so tight that it’s a treat to be the first person to open the peanut butter; stabbing the foil with a knife makes a huge BANG! Awesome!
I love being the first person in my family to get into that peanut butter jar. Ice cream is like that too…
My sister and I used to fight over who got to write/draw something with the smooth edge of the butter knife in the top of the Peanut Butter. And it was always such a small window between being stuck with the spatula and the annoying ridges at the bottom of the almost but not quite totally empty old peanut butter jar and cracking open the new one!
I love the fresh aroma when you peel off the paper/foil cover and that first taste-YUM! As a kid I remember the treat of the peanut on top too :)
When I saw this on the list i got sooo excited. I don’t even know why. But whenever I go to open a new jar of peanut butter I get this feeling. It just looks so perfect. sigh.
this is what I miss…the German really suck on pb!
Virgin peanut butter. Nothing better.
My wife and I were convinced that we were the only ones who got giddy thinking of taking the first scoop of peanut butter, butter, ice cream, sour cream, etc. basically, anything that allows us to be the first to dig our spoon into a beautiful smooth surface. the personal luchbox sizes of peanut butter are the best because you get the satisfaction every time you have the hankering for peanut butter. I might have an OCD. I love it :)
I have to say, feeding peanut butter to your dogs is even better, but that’s me.
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I love eating green apples with peanut butter. If I dice them, then the peanut butter gets to be formed by the individual tines of my fork when I’m done. If I slice them, the peanut butter becomes a smooth oasis formed by the flat slides of the apple. AWESOME.
Youtube: “Peanut Butter”, by The Liverbirds 1965~ Awesome!
great song and band actually and factually! check it out!
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I enjoyed the post :)
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peanut butter I love to eat with bread…
Peanut lovers are never alone.
I interestingly find more satisfaction in scraping out the last remnants of peanut butter…which is a journey that never seems to end, thankfully. In fact, I live by this simple phrase “there is always more peanut butter in the peanut butter jar”. It is the most unwise, wise sentence that will ever leave my lips. Lastly, stirring a new jar of peanut butter is just as delightful as polishing off an empty jar.