When I peel the top off a new jar of peanut butter I like to pretend I’m a scientist peering through the world’s most powerful telescope, catching Earth’s first glimpse of a new, strange and distant planet. “It’s got a smooth surface,” I exclaim to the lab of giddy professors standing breathlessly beside me. “Yes, it’s a beautiful airless landscape, untouched, undisturbed, and light brown.”
Because seriously, that’s what the top of a jar of peanut butter looks like to me. I almost feel bad thinking about what I’m about to do, because it’s just so perfect, smooth, and dense. But I put some bread in the toaster anyway, grab a spoon from the drawer, and then go right ahead and dig that spoon in there deep, catching a heavy handful of thick PB when I pull up, a loud, wet, satisfying schthlop plopping out of the jar.
It’s a great feeling.
After that, I’m an artist. I can just leave a big, gaping hole right in the middle of the jar, or I can do it all up real fancy and twirl and swirl it around a little, or I can painstakingly carve a moat around the outside of the jar, leaving a perfect, flat island in the middle, becoming more and more unstable with every passing day. The options are unlimited.
Really, I think getting the first dig in a jar of peanut butter is the kitchen equivalent of stabbing a flag into the moon and claiming it as your own. I mean, you mark that peanut butter. You brand it. You add your little stamp and you put it back in the pantry, ready and waiting for the next big schthlop.
AWESOME!
29 Comments
September 23, 2008 at 8:45 am
I like to keep as much of that smooth surface as intact as possible, so I slice through a small section near the edge, creating an opening to the peanut butter below. Then, on subsequent peanut butter uses, I tunnel underneath the surface through that small opening, getting as much out before the top collapses.
September 23, 2008 at 11:20 am
Hmm…your making me want a pb&j sandwich right now!!!!
Shit, I better get used to it…check this out:
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/09/23/bah-fucking-humbug/
January 21, 2009 at 4:54 pm
the first scoop of nutella is even better :)
February 1, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Yeah it is so smooth at first, after so long it looks like a mess after so many scoops are taken out.
May 6, 2009 at 12:42 pm
You’re probably not old enough to remember this, but when I was a kid, there was one brand of PB that actually contained one peanut at the top of the PB. When you opened the jar for the first time that was your prize.
May 8, 2010 at 9:50 am
“it’s the one with the peanut on top!”
May 8, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Taking that first scoop out of the peanut butter was always a race, growing up in my family of five. Whoever spotted the new jar in the cupboard first would swipe that first scoop out of it, and then seal it back up like new. Thanks for reminding me!
June 18, 2010 at 8:45 am
Loree, we do this in my family – I have taken a picture on my phone of me in the supermarket, peanut butter delidded and finger poked and sent to my kids – “mummy wins” – yiha!
July 4, 2009 at 7:05 pm
[...] The first scoop out of a new jar of peanut butter [...]
August 5, 2009 at 8:50 pm
One word, Chunky.
September 3, 2009 at 5:40 am
I love destroying that sweet, smooth surface by dipping in a chocolate biscuit and just going wild, trying to get as much PB as you can onto that tiny biscuit. Awesome!
September 3, 2009 at 9:35 am
this is truly awesome. i love that feeling.
October 3, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I love peanut butter! This just made my day! I just got my wisdom teeth out and I dont think I can eat peanut butter..it is very depressing.
November 2, 2009 at 1:30 am
*blink blink*
wow we must eat different kinds of peanut butter! Didnt you have to stir it? When I was a kid it was always a race NOT to be the first person to open the jar. mucking about with the oil and getting it all over the jar and the counter. No fun at all :(
November 15, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I also remember getting a single peanut on top of the peanutty mass, and I’m not that old……*cough*24*cough* or at least I like to pretend I’m not. :P
re: Emily If you buy the natural peanut butter you have to stir it because the oil seperates
November 16, 2009 at 12:59 am
When I was a kid, I insisted that I carve my initials into the top of the peanut butter before anyone else could touch it. Then I’d try to scoop out the peanut butter around my writing, savoring my initials for as long as possible. This was especially satisfying with the huge 5 pound buckets of PB.
November 29, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Finally, someone who feels the exact same way as I do!
December 2, 2009 at 12:17 am
I’m the same way! I like to make shapes in my peanut butter. Right now I’m trying to do a butterfly, but it’s not working so well…
December 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm
@Becca: I did the same thing. With the knife (I thought my dad was weird for using spoon to spread peanut butter, but I guess it’s the norm) I would carefully carve my initials into the surface. X)
December 9, 2009 at 1:48 am
First scoop of cheez whiz is even better, because it’s the only time the “cheese” is room temperature. Bonerrific!
March 21, 2010 at 1:08 am
The smell of the peanut butter is always better when you’re the first person to open it.
I always liked taking the little flower or swoop from the middle of margarine tubs too.
March 26, 2010 at 9:40 pm
YES! You MMD!
April 19, 2010 at 4:01 am
I like carving my initials into the top of the peanut butter but then I especially love destroying them afterwards.
The brand of peanut butter I get has a very effective foil seal over the top, with about an inch of air between the foil and the peanut butter surface. The foil is stretched so tight that it’s a treat to be the first person to open the peanut butter; stabbing the foil with a knife makes a huge BANG! Awesome!
April 21, 2010 at 5:29 pm
I love being the first person in my family to get into that peanut butter jar. Ice cream is like that too…
April 28, 2010 at 3:21 pm
My sister and I used to fight over who got to write/draw something with the smooth edge of the butter knife in the top of the Peanut Butter. And it was always such a small window between being stuck with the spatula and the annoying ridges at the bottom of the almost but not quite totally empty old peanut butter jar and cracking open the new one!
May 1, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I love the fresh aroma when you peel off the paper/foil cover and that first taste-YUM! As a kid I remember the treat of the peanut on top too :)
May 5, 2010 at 7:04 pm
When I saw this on the list i got sooo excited. I don’t even know why. But whenever I go to open a new jar of peanut butter I get this feeling. It just looks so perfect. sigh.
June 17, 2010 at 4:03 am
this is what I miss…the German really suck on pb!
August 2, 2010 at 11:42 pm
Virgin peanut butter. Nothing better.