#897 A pack of matches on the back of the toilet

Not gonna work

Air fresheners don’t work.

They just make the bathroom smell like someone cracked a bottle of Chanel 5 open like an egg and poured it on top of a hot and steamy garbage dump. Air fresheners don’t so much solve bathroom pollution as they do call attention to it.

And ceiling fans have another issue — basically, they work really, really slowly. You drop a plop in two minutes, they slowly and calmly breeze it away in twenty-five. I mean, if you’ve ever heard anyone ask “Is it safe to go in there yet?”, then there’s your proof.

Finally, don’t even get me started on opening a window. First off, depending on the weather outside, windows really freeze up or heat up the joint. Not great for the environment if your A/C has to kick into overdrive. Plus, somebody has to go around later and close that window back up. Too much maintenance, really.

Instant stink removal

Yes, there’s really only one failsafe way to get rid of the stink in a bathroom. Only one powerful weapon against the onslaught of toilet odor. Only one time-tested method to destinkify the can. And friends, that powerful weapon is … the simple match.

That’s right: a match is cheap, convenient, and effective. Light it up, blow it out, flush it away, and you’re laughing. And isn’t it comforting when you see one on your friend’s toilet when you need to slip away from the dinner party to ‘go wash your hands’?

That’s right. You’ve been there before, you’ve played the game. You’ve waged the wars, you’ve tamed the flame. And you realize that a pack of matches on the back of the toilet is just so simply


Now just blow it up and flush away the evidence

Photos from: here, here and here

44 thoughts on “#897 A pack of matches on the back of the toilet

  1. This is a new one on me too, but then I always grew up with a variety of windows open in the house so usually there was enough of a breeze from the bathroom window it’d just get blown right outside.

  2. I think some show like Mythbusters tried to debunk this method, using all kinds of science-y jargon and dazzling experiments. All I know is it works…well.

  3. This tip is right up there with “The Gas Arrow” – who needs education – I can learn everything I need to know right here on this web site!

    1. Really- your spanish senora?
      thats like saying “my english mrs.” Senora translates directly into “mrs.”. You say your spanish teacher. And you say you LIVED IN spain.

  4. I have never heard of this before, but now I’ve just got to try it! I’m not too sure HOW it would work, maybe the smell of the smoke overpowers any other smell? Interesting indeed, thanks!

    1. Charlotte5, It works because the offensive smell is methane gas – which is flammable. When you light a match, the flame consumes the gas and the burnt sulphur smell of the match replaces the methane with a stronger and far less disgusting odor.

  5. This works quite well.
    When I had just discovered this method I was in an “effective” mood, and I figured that if
    a) air freshener works
    b) matches work
    c) the combination must be awe inspiring.

    Suffice to say, it was. I scorched my eye brows & most of my arm hair.

    Still. happy memories.

  6. It does work.

    Maybe something to do with the fact that the smell has methane in it? and the match takes care of it? I don’t know, I just know it works, and I love that smell of the blown out match. Problem is, the worse offender in the bathroom hates the smell of matches.
    Go figure.

  7. Heehee, so true. Febreze, with all their “beautiful candles” and “flameless luminaires” and “plug-in fresheners”…most of them kinda make me nauseous. Like super fake barbie perfume or something.

    But matches? That’s a new one. I’ll try that when the washroom door closes…and stays closed a LONG time, with you staring at the little strip of light from underneath the door, waiting. -_-‘

  8. That’s a good idea and very good to know since I had no idea why there was a match in the toilet after my brother went to the bathroom

  9. They used to make “insence courtesy matches” for this purpose. I can’t find them anywhere these days but they were awesome. The matches not only consumed the methane the poop emits, but when the flame was blown out, the insence in the match tip smouldered for about 10 minutes making everything smell awesome. I loved these things, but I am afraid they aren’t made anymore. If anyone knows where to buy them, please let me know!

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  11. Matchsticks on the back of the toilet is freakin hilarious. I love it. I thought I was the only one that got it. Charcoal is the answ

  12. Matchsticks on the back of the toilet is freakin hilarious. I love it. I thought I was the only one that got it. Charcoal is the answer hense charcoal tabs for gastric issues.

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