If you feel that loose toilet chain jiggle around or that low-flow toilet flush sort of spit, sputter, and die, then I’m telling you man: it’s bad news. Before you know it you’ve got Toilet Chaos on your hands — the bowl starts filling up instead of filling down, and your chocolate milkshake threatens to spill out onto the floor.
Now picture this happening in the bathroom stall at work, the first time you’re at the in-law’s house, or late at night at a date’s apartment after a romantic dinner.
What I’m trying to say is that it can happen anywhere, anytime, anyplace. You will never be ready. Remember: the clogged toilet bowl doesn’t care who you are or where you’re from. No, it strikes mercilessly, without emotion, when you least expect it. Sort of like that guy from No Country For Old Men. The tall, emotionless, mercilessly-striking one.
Anyway, when this happens to you, and if it hasn’t yet, it will, then there’s only one thing you can do to fight back. No, don’t lay out paper towels on the floor, don’t search desperately for the water turnoff, and don’t just stare hypnotically into the brown, swirling solar system, hoping and praying it will stop before it hits the top.
Don’t do any of that.
Just pull out a plunger and pump it right on in there. Pump and pump and pump some more, because that beautiful little hunk of rubber on a stick has no moving parts and will work like a charm. Once you get her going, she’ll have the toilet burping like a baby in no time.
Then the flush will kick into high gear, the toilet will swallow everything up, and you can quietly slip out of the bathroom and get back to your evening as if nothing happened. And as you finish your dinner, relax on the couch, or settle back into your cubicle, you can look up at the ceiling, smirk a little, and say “Thanks, plunger, for being there when I really needed you.”