#849 The fetal position

Looks comfy, don't it?

Girl, you used to fit in a shoebox.

Back when you were all-nude, all-the-time, you were crunched up real fine in your mom’s tum. Yes, your head was bowed down, your back was bent forward, your legs were pulled to your chest, and everything was in order.

The fetal position is the medical term used to describe your Totally Comfy Pre-Born Position. You’re all curled up into a comfy little ball in there and while mom may notice you rattling around a bit, you’re actually pretty chilled out and relaxed.

I mean, there’s a reason La-Z-Boy doesn’t make a womb-sized version, and brother, it ain’t because they can’t. No, it’s because there’s just no demand. Pre-born babies are already living the life of leisure and no amount of built-in cup-holders, pillowy-soft headrests, or swing-out footrests can improve that.

Nothing compared to the womb

Now, the fetal position has many post-pop uses as well.

First of all, some people sleep this way after they’re born. They find it a safe and comfy way to ferry into Dreamland each evening. And this isn’t just hearsay, people. Yes, I used to be a fetal position junkie myself as a kid, sleeping on my side and somewhat resembling a pajama-clad jelly-roll.

Secondly, what’s up with all those bears and heroin? It’s true — drug users curl up into the safe and warm fetal position when they’re experiencing withdrawal and studies suggest that playing dead in the fetal position is a good strategy to ward off further pawing from a friendly bear.

Don't get lost in the barrens

Lastly, it just feels like home. The fetal position is the best way to keep warm if you find yourself tentless in Nunavut or crashing on a pal’s basement floor without copious blanketing. It literally warms the heart (liver, lungs, and kidneys.)

And hey, isn’t the fetal position just one more way to turn back the clock? After all, your body knows the fetal position, your body lived the fetal position, and so when you’re coming down off an acid trip on the cold floor of a bear-infested forest, I think you know what to do.

Curl right up, baby.

For me and you.


Fight back with the fetal position!

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

27 thoughts on “#849 The fetal position

  1. I sleep in the fetal position! It’s totally comfortable! I never really got how people could sleep as one straight line. It seems unnatural.

  2. Ahhh this is how I sleep everynight…all curled up in a ball, but I have to fall asleep on my right side, and always wake up on the left lol. It’s very odd, unless I am very odd! :s hehe

  3. omgosh! i usually sleep in the fetal position. that’s how i slept as a kid and i guess i never grew out of it. i’m surprised because i just realized that i’m also comfortable sitting with my knees to my chest. is that weird? i’m not a drug addict, i promise!

  4. It’s Cheeky!! No really the bear at the bottom is named ‘Cheeky’, he is from a Wildlife Sanctuary I worked at last summer. Coolest bear ever!

  5. Though I’m usually a belly sleeper, Fetal is the best when I’m feelin’ sick. All I need is after that is one of those noise makers on Heartbeat setting…or not.

  6. Read about this website on a magazine…now sitting reading it and laughing at loud. Wow, so good to have a little optimism and so cool that all these things are everyday things that I never even notice. This one I definitely relate to: my favourite sleeping position-.didn`t know everyone knew about it

  7. We have a rainbow coloured hammock in the trees in our yard which is said to “coddle” you in a fetal position way; good for many healing purposes,
    to which I can attest…to the likes of a caterpillar’s cocoon…out springs a morphed quintessential beauty, with irredescent wings to fly away!
    I had a very bad dream; I was awoken by my husband unravelling me from the fetal position; in a cocoon of blankets. That day my eldest daughter weighed heavy on my heart; then came the call… she had survived a fatal car crash and all the attending EMT’s said there wasn’t a doubt in their mind, this was due to the fact she was curled up in the fetal position, plus
    I believe in mother/daughter symbiotic ties and Angels… she is now 32, has a daughter of her own; they are both Awesome miracles…True story!!!

    1. ps. I’m very surprised there are not more entries on this truly remarkable subject…

  8. What is the procedure to keep perfect the fetal position during pregnancy by which I will get a normal delivery? Please inform me soon.Thank you,Doctor.

  9. you wrote this on my birthday…I looked through about 45 just to find my birthday :P I can relate to the awesomeness of this. If i dont have a pillow to cuddle I sleep in a little ball curled up in the middle of my bed. its actually really pathetic looking beacause I start shivering , because really, how do you cover up with a blanket when your in a ball and not have your soulders frozen off?
    Thats why you should always have an extra pillow, just incase someone close to you looks like a little shivering pathetic puppy and they need your assitance. ^.^

  10. Ever since last week i wake up in the middle of my bed. in the fetal position…. i lay on my left side arms curled up a bit and legs just out there…. then in the morning.. middle of the bed fetal position vertically opposite of my bed…. I ask why now….

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