#818 When the dentist says you have no cavities

Sit back and relax

Cavities hurt.

Yesterday I got two of them filled real tight with the hard, white cake.

First they sat me down in the loungy, blue leather dentist chair and then tipped me back so the blood poured into my brain and filled up my eyeballs. Then they dressed me up with a plastic bib and goggles before stuffing my mouth full of cotton balls. After that it was time to get my teeth tapped and clanged with mirrors and picks while the hygienist struck up a fascinating conversation about her mother-in-law’s unwillingness to acknowledge the length of her commute.

And that was just an introduction to the ninety minute main attraction.

Me in a dream I once had

Soon it was time for a couple injections of freezing goop to the gums, some deep-sea drilling, and a lot of Tooth-Sawdust Water splashing in every direction, misting up my goggles, spraying on my arms, dripping down my numb lips. Cheek and jaw muscles I barely used soon started to fail on me after trying to keep my metal-stuffed mouth open for so long. And of course, every once in a while they’d ask if I wanted to spit but before I’d have a chance to squeeze out a “Enn unnay, angs” I was generally interrupted by twenty more minutes of sharp and forceful drilling.

It was long.

And it was terrible.

And it cost $300.

But it helped me dream of better days, when the dentist would clink around in there for a few minutes, put his tools on the side table, flash a thumbs up and say “No cavities!” At least that’s how I imagine it would happen. Then instead of putting up with a long and painful ordeal, I’d just sail off into the sunset, congratulating myself on some mighty fine brushing, some thorough flossing, and a job well done.



Photos from: here , here, and here

29 thoughts on “#818 When the dentist says you have no cavities

  1. 3 years of a Computing Degree and the associated soft drink abuse (Dr Pepper was my poison of choice, there was a can machine mere seconds away from the 24 hour computer lab) left me needing four fillings (two actually replaced earlier filling that had been eroded away by constant abuse) and having two teeth removed back in 2007.

    Suffice to say, I now limit myself as much as I can, sugar wise, but still fear that yearly trip. Doesn’t help that my dentist can be a little… condescending.

  2. You get goggles? Wow, where I come from you just have to put up with getting tooth sawdust in your eye!

  3. The last time I went to the dentist, he told me that my teeth were in great condition and I obviously clean them very well (I do). Yay me! I’ve never been back, because nothing can top that!

  4. This actually happened to me the last 3 times I went to see the dentist: I confirm, this is awesome !

  5. I love how every picture is on the first page of google images! “Dentist chair” and “no cavities” come up with these pictures haha

  6. You have amazing timing!

    Just went to the dentist,
    I put on the goggles, got my own saliva splashed in my face, got the tools picking and killing my gums, got the mint flavor everywhere stuck in my mouth…but


  7. I been to the dentist so much in my life. I have like 9 root canals and 18 crowns. I didn’t drink enough milk as a kid. Good lesson for everyone to drink that milk.

  8. My dentist is a middle-aged guy who is trying to retain his youth, and tends to overdo the “coolness” with his younger patients. He uses the word “awesome” at least once in every sentence.

    “How’s life these days? Awesome? Awesome!”
    “Hey, your teeth look awesome! No cavities, so that’s awesome!”
    “Check out this new awesome piece of dental equipment, it’s totally awesome!”

    I kid you not, he actually said that on my last visit.

  9. I have always enjoyed a life of no dental problems whatsoever. I ate candy all the time when I was younger and didn’t really brush my teeth all the time, but still no cavities. that was awesome. My dentist told me that some of my sealant was coming off of my teeth and they were going to watch it for a few months. I came back a few days before I had to leave for Thailand and they told me I had 5 cavities. they weren’t even my FAULT. I have more saliva than most people and so stuff got in there. I cried for days.

  10. Really insightful – continue to spread the word. Getting excited about an update. For too long now have I had the need to begin my own blog. Suppose if I wait around any longer I’ll never do it. I’ll make sure to include you in my Blogroll. Thanks again!!

  11. Even more awesome= going to the orthodontist 4 weeks after getting braces, being nervous because you only brush once a day most of the time, but thoroughly (i assure you), then the dentist giving you 8/10 for brushing :D hypothetically speaking, of course…

  12. Actually, filling cavities don’t hurt all that much anymore, thank God. xD And you can’t even see it anymore, because they make it so similar to the colouring of your teeth. Thank God for advancements. xD

  13. There’s a random little thing that looks like a smiley face at the top right of this page. Just thought you would like to know.

    Hooray for not having cavities! I don’t have cavity pain ever — but I do have braces, so I suppose they cancel out. Another awesome thing, then, would be being told when you’re getting your braces off and counting down the months!

  14. In Canada, dentists have definately come a LONG way since my childhood.
    Our’s is the kindest and smartest in the whole wide world!

  15. Phew, no cavities for me this time. Last time I got one filled was a couple years ago. My little sister had one filled a few months ago…lucky her. :D

  16. Lol, I came to search up something similar like this today because I had my checkup/clean up at the dentist today and my dentist said I have to cavities! :D

    Last time I got filled was back in October before I got braces (I still have them now). Throughout my childhood and a couple of my teenage years, Everytime I went to the dentist, He would atleast say I had 2-3 cavities.
    I feel so awesome!

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