#784 Celebrity baby names

they-wont-be-in-hereMy old roommate Joey had a theory about names.

“Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my personal identity be chosen by somebody else? Sure, you’d have a lot of six-year-olds named Superman, but we’d consider it a placeholder until they changed it to reflect their personality.”

Hot and spicy burps a plenty

He then sealed his airtight argument with a giant belch that filled the room with the smell of midnight gyros and we didn’t talk about it again.

Until now.

It’s been a few years, but I’m starting to wonder if Joey had a point there somewhere. Parents pick your name for you, and sometimes they come up with pretty strange ideas. But is there anything wrong with unique names? Well, maybe, maybe not. For thought-provoking discussion, let’s ask these celebrities:

Isn't she adorable?10. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Apple. There’s something a little ripe about naming your kid after a piece of fruit. Just ask my friend Pear Rodriguez.

9. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science. Says the actress from A Knight’s Tale in an interview: “We wanted a word, not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.” Hey, I guess that works. And maybe one day the little slugger will grow up to be a high-end amplifier. Ba-dum-ching!
Blast off8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.
7. David and Victoria Beckham – Brooklyn and Ashlee Simpson – Bronx. Now, Bronx is a standalone and the plus side of Brooklyn is that it’s easily split into both Brook and Lyn, making both slightly better choices than Staten Island.
6. George Foreman – George, George, George, George, and George. The Grillman’s kids don’t have strange names, but they do all have the same one. Big George differentiates by number and has also given each a nickname: Monk, Red, Joe, Little George, and Big Wheel.
5. The Edge – Blue Angel. I guess Lisa, Jennifer, and Sue are automatically out if your name starts with The.
Tropical and delicious4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.
3. Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor. Jason says he got the name from a Grandaddy song he likes called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot.” That explains the Pilot part, anyway. As for Inspektor, we can only assume he was trying to differentiate from all the kids named Inspector.
Go, go, Gadget Life2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.
1. Frank Zappa – Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Now I can’t be the only person out there who wants to be called Dweezil. Which Zappa would you be?
Well hey, listen, obviously baby names are getting more creative and celebrities are once again leading the charge. So do you agree with Joey and think we should all just pick our own then? Or do you think these names are beautiful and we should be happy getting what we got?
All I’m going to say is the jury’s still out, but if you’ve got a name you like, a name that fits you and you fit, then give three cheers and call your folks. After all, they had to make a big pick without you. And if they nailed it, make sure you give them a hug and let them know you’re digging the you-you.
Parents of the world, naming your newbie seems like a tough gig. For giving it thought and pulling it off so your kids grow old and love what they got, well today we call you

The name fits

Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here

94 thoughts on “#784 Celebrity baby names

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  1. Thats awesome. I actually went to school with Peaches and Pixie when I was a kid in england(this was back when we were all still pudgy and no one was an international fashion plate) and their parents were friends with mine. Their mom is kinda wacky and eclectic but in a really fantastic way. My mom picked a weird name too, Aislinn(Ashlinn) and I hated it for years but at the same time it made me who I am. You can’t be shy with a name like that.

        1. Before she died she had a daughter with the now also dead Michael Hutcence of INXSm they named her Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily.


  2. Unique names can be cool, but some of those are just saddling the kids with too much. On the other hand, going with common names can be worse. In 7th grade PE class there were 26 girls, 13 of them were named Melissa. That was just wrong. I think the best balance is to pick a not too common name and have it be one that has more than one obvious nickname in case they just want a little change when they get to the point of forming their own identity.

  3. Interesting George Foreman story, totally unrelated to baby names:

    About 3 years ago, I was 2 people behind George Foreman going through security at the Miami airport. The result? Total pandemonium on the part of the security staff. Everyone was so excited to get to meet him and take their picture with him, that, NO JOKE, about 5 peoples’ carry on luggage went through the X-ray machine completely unscreened. No one was even sitting behind it, watching the TV. They just left the belt going, while everyone took their snapshots with Grillman George. Imagine what would’ve happened if he was a REAL celebrity?

    1. Whoa, I would hope not. There’s a group of Navy pilots who do air shows called the Blue Angels. I’m hoping he got it from there instead.

  4. Okay, I think parents who give their kids stupid names should have something bad happen to them for being so mean to their kids. It’s bad enough when a kid is given a normal-sounding name that is made into a bad nickname in kindergarten, but to intentionally give a child a horrible moniker is just wrong.

    Parents who choose normal names and aren’t kre8ive–totally awesome!

  5. I think Ashlee’s baby’s middle name is even worse than it’s first name, Bronx. It’s Mowgli, like from the Jungle Book. How would you like to have that persona follow you around for your entire life? Sometimes I feel really bad for celebrity children…

  6. He’s not a baby anymore, but Crispin Glover has THE BEST middle name. Evah.

    Crispin Hellion Glover.

    Oh, yes, it’s Hellion.

    Best. Middle. Name. Evah.

  7. Someone else chooses our name, yeah. But someone else also chooses whether you get to live your life or get sucked out of the womb. I’m just saying this to point out the optimistic side–if you have been assigned a name you weren’t chucked, eh?

  8. I think I’m a Moon Unit of the Zappas. Though, Ahmet really doesn’t seem too bad. And depending how you turn out, Rogue could be…ok in a stretch.

    But what about naming your kids after famous people. Doesn’t that put any pressure on? I go to school with a kid named Mark Anthony. I know if I were named Cleopatra I’d feel like a let down if I didn’t at least TRY to seduce some of the most powerful leaders and rule a major empire.

  9. I forgot to mention. If you’re gonna give your kid a crazy outlandish first name, at least try to give them a relatively normal middle name to go by as an alternative.

  10. Met a girl who had unusual name last weekend. Her name was Clovia. I thought that was awesome. But after like 6 people asked her to repeat her name and 2 asked how to spell it, I guess it’s troublesome too.

    My own (real) name is so boring. Always had others girl that shared same name since kindergarten. Even one of the commentor here shared same name. Gah!

  11. I heard of a couple who tried to name their kid 4Real, but they weren’t allowed to as names cannot contain numbers.

    Also have a friend who is a nurse at a maternity ward and delivered twins. The parents hadn’t thought of names so they were labelled male and female. The parents loved it and kept it as their names.

  12. I believe that Frank Zappa was making the point of the article. The story I’d heard is that he named his kids purposely wacky names just so they could change them to whatever suited them as they got older. It should surprise no one that they decided to keep them, because they were accustomed to answering to them (I suppose) and perhaps they were so different and yes, awesome too.

    BTW, I’d also heard a rumor that “Dweezel Zappa” is not his real name, only what went on the birth certificate. The actual name, “Ratf*#k, was unprintable.

  13. I have a friend who has a family tradition of letting their kids pick their own middle names at age 5. His name? Jason Radical Russell (yup, he was 6 circa 1983) . Jason’s son’s name? Gavin Danger Russell.

    1. my nephew’s middle name is danger! but his parents chose it…my brother wanted it to be Caspian Danger but agreed it would be too much for the little guy.

  14. Awesome!!! I have a baby boy on the way and I found this blog inspiring. Male and Female that’s fantastical!! As in fantastical, I mean funny as hell!!
    Good things!

  15. According to Wikipedia:

    Dweezil’s registered birth name was Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa, although this occurred only because the hospital at which he was born refused to register him under the name Dweezil. The name was a nickname coined by Frank for an oddly-curled pinky-toe of Gail’s. He was always called “Dweezil” by his family and was unaware that this was not the name on his birth certificate. Upon this discovery at the age of five, he insisted on having his nickname become his legal name. Gail and Frank hired an attorney and soon the name Dweezil was official.

    Also, Dweezil has a daughter named…wait for it…Zola Frank Zappa.

  16. My fav Celebrity baby name is Suri Cruise, Thinking of using the name Suri for an original character of mine

  17. Ok first you put up celebrity couples and then failed to mention that Ashlee Simpson in fact had her baby with her husband Pete Wentz (and I think that’s important). Second, Bronx is not the worst part of the name. Mowgali isn’t either. But the child has Pete Wentz’s last name, making his initials BMW…

    But I have a weird name and I kinda like it. It makes me stand out. But I’d rather have a totally normal name than be named Apple or Moon Unit…

  18. I like my name LeAnna not to weird, but different enough that there isn’t 50 million girls in my city with the same one. But my best friend has the same name as me, it’s how we met.

  19. heh.

    One of the things I like about Historical Re-enactment is that we DO get to name ourselves. And nobody freaks out if it’s something horribly unspellably Irish or East Hungarian or Edo Japanese, or whatever. The Heralds just ask “How do you spell that?” and move on.


  20. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates don’t have a daughter called Luscious Tropical Mango?
    No idea where you got that from.

    Peaches’ full name is:
    Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof

    Paula Yates also had a daughter later on with Michael Hutchence named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence who Bob Geldof later adopted after Yates’ death.

    Come on people, a bit of research into your psuedo-journalism topics wouldn’t go amiss.

  21. Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116. While not a celebrity name, it’s still awful. It’s pronounced ‘Albin’ and the parents named their kid that to protest the naming law in Sweden.
    Also, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. The girl graced with this first name was sent to live with her grandparents by law because the courts viewed it as a form of child abuse.

  22. bear grylls (host of man vs. wild (who is actually named edward)) named his children jesse, marmaduke and huckleberry

    i guess a steady diet of live snakes, spiders and urine can lead to some strange thought processes.

  23. My stepmom works at a gymnastics gym and there are some girls there with such weird names. They’re not related, but no joke, their names are Queen Isis, which is her first name not first and middle, and the other one’s name is Mini House, which is also only her first name. Some parents are so cruel when naming their kids. I really do have to wonder what is going through some people’s minds when they decide to do this to their children! I mean do they even think about how awful school is going to be for them? I am so glad i have a normal name.

  24. My parents named me Shawn because they thought that it was too feminine for a boy. It gets a little annoying with people asking if my parents really wanted a boy or if its short for anything… its always amusing when a telemarketer calls for me and doesn’t believe I’m Shawn. It doesn’t help that I’m over 6 feet tall… always made me self concious as a kid, but I love it now!

    Best names I’ve ever heard were Aboriginal, Wankard, Shithead (pronounced Sha-theed) and a younger kid whos first name was Huggy… last name Bear

  25. I know of a family where the boy was Bow, the daughter Arrow (they were twins), and they named the dog Target.

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