#536 When you’re being chased by zombies and suddenly find a hidden stash of guns and ammo

Neil Pasricha

It’s a quiet night.

You’re driving your girlfriend home from the movies in your dusty, beat-up pickup truck. The moonlight casts strange shadows in the town square as you slow to a stop under a flickering streetlight. Something catches your eye in the rearview mirror just as your girlfriend lets out a blood-curdling scream — your truck’s suddenly surrounded! By something big, animals? No, big, bigger, they’re… people?

Bloody arms in tattered rags start smacking the truck and hollow eyes connect with yours through the window. As your girlfriend frantically pushes down locks you hit the gas and scream down side roads till you get to your aunt and uncle’s 24-hour diner.

Swerving into the gravelly parking lot you’re met with disaster. You race past blood-splattered shoes and broken glass on the walk before kicking open the screen door to a nightmare scene.

The place is full of zombies and they spot you immediately. You glance back and see your girlfriend screaming as they’ve surrounded her and started rocking the truck. As they awkwardly tipsy-teeter towards you from all directions, you scramble behind the counter, desperate for something, anything, to fight them off.

Suddenly your eyes spot an old wooden box under the counter with a big padlock on it. You bootkick it open and rip back the lid just as you hear the glass shatter outside and your girlfriend scream.

It’s a massive stash of weapons.

AWESOME!

Happy April Fool’s Day!

Photos from: here

100 thoughts to “#536 When you’re being chased by zombies and suddenly find a hidden stash of guns and ammo”

  1. This post just MIGHT be the one I can most relate to out of all of them. Except I don’t have a girlfriend, I would BE the girlfriend. Other than that … nail on the head, for sure. :D

      1. Oh, I am! I am a great girlfriend :) Out of practice, maybe, but great nonetheless.

        Wait wait wait … was that an April Fool’s Day joke?! Haha.

  4. Being at the diner is nice too because you can load up on herbs and first aid kits to help you on your journey.

    1. Took the words right out my mouth! Usually this blog is so realistic, so that just totally made my night.

  8. this is fantastic…zombies are such a nuisance, and the semi-automatics always help.

    also, thanks for linking to one of my comments. :)

  9. You know what’s even better? Finding TWO stashes of weapons when you’re being chased by zombies!

  10. Nut up or shut up! This was completely appropriate for 4/1….Also, Zombieland was the only movie I saw in the theaters last year. This is the first time I’ve commented in a long time but I have enjoyed this list from day one…

  12. Amaaazing! Gotta love a good old fashioned zombie attack, and a good old fashioned stash of weapons. And the girlfriend can defend herself alright? :P

  14. I hate it when I’m being chased by zombies. Finding a super secret stash of weapons always seems to help me, too :)

    AWESOME!

  16. Aww man, I thought this was going to be about old school nintendo games. Because finding a hidden stash of ammo when being chased by zombies is pure bliss on an 8-bit platform with a rectangular controller.

  19. It would be really irresponsible if the zombie apocalypse had started and nobody had bothered to tell me.

  20. About a year ago I was being chased by zombies. I ran down an alleyway where I kept a stash of semi automatic weapons for such an emergency. When I got to where I thought the weapons were I realized I was in the wrong alley and I had no way out. Thankfully the zombies were just tourists and were just looking for directions to the Eaton Center.

  21. At first I thought you might have drank a little too much before writing, but then today’s date occured to be… April Fool’s

    AWESOME!

  22. Does anyone else get really creeped out thinking about if zombies were real? You know – you are sitting there on the couch and you all of a sudden start thinking about zombies and what would happen if your significant other/friend sitting with you were to turn and attack you…

    I get a little scared.

    Scaring yourself can be awesome though… mini adrenaline rush :)

    1. Really?

      You’re pretty confident that after 463 posts of poigniant, touching, funny, heart-warming, hilarious and above all… AWESOME posts, your going to go out on a limb and claim that the tongue-in-cheek, enjoying-the-fun-mood-of-the-day, Zombie-focused post is “not [his] best”?

      Your comment has added a lot to the dialogue, however!

      Here’s hoping a Zombie doesn’t eat your brains.
      /Sarcasm

      1. In fairness, technically Steph could be saying “Fantastic post, Neil! Other than “the Colon” it was the best one ever. A silver medalist, if you will.

        Or, she just didn’t get the joke.

    1. Hello pot? This is Caroline. She thinks your black, and she’s not very happy about it.

      I’d write more, but I can’t right now… ZOMBIE ATTACK!

      1. Ha ha, the first thing that came up on your blog was about sterilizing, and I was thinking: Caroline doesn’t want a clean toothbrush? Hunh?? But then I scrolled down…

        LOL.

  25. So this one time I was walking around Ravenholm, and this exact thing happened to me and my buddy Gordon Freeman.

    Fellow video game nerds? Anyone?

      1. Yup. That’s him. That crowbar he’s using in that picture sure came in handy against all the zombie head crabs.

  28. i think this can go in that folder with being saved by a dolphin. Never to be spoken of again…

    1. To be fair, he at least got the date right this time. Unlike the mid-March dolphin post!

        1. The zombies capture you and instead of eating your brain they try to drown you and a dolphin comes out of nowhere and saves you from doom.

  29. Tee hee hee – a while ago I added this blog to my RSS feed on google reader. Every time I’ve looked at the title of this post today I’ve giggled. Nice job!!

  30. Usually this blog is always about something relevant to life. This is the first one that I strongly disagree with. There are no such things as zombies. I find this post revolting! Please, stick to the real things, the things that you usually talk about. I hope that this isn’t a new direction that the blog is taking. The best thing to do is to change it.

    1. For a second, I thought JF’s comment was for real, and then I remembered – it’s April 1st, so he/she must be yanking our chains.

      Good one, JF! You almost had me believing you were a total stick-in-the-mud!

      P.S. If zombies aren’t revolting, well, they’re not very good zombies then, are they?

      1. One thing you DO NOT want to be when Zombies are approaching is stuck-in-the-mud.. Because let’s be honest.. they’re not going to be sympathetic to your plight. Here’s my short screenplay to illustrate this point.

        [Location: Night. A muddy road outside of a cemetary. It’s raining hard, with brief flashes of lightening. A solitary car has gotten stuck in the mud. The driver spinning his wheels.]

        JF: “Uhh.. Mr. Zombie? I know you’re slowly marching towards me from your grave, and look sort of menacing and decaying, but you see, my car.. yeah – it’s stuck.”

        Zombie: “Aarrrrgggghhhh!!”

        JF: “Indeed! But maybe if you just wait for a few minutes while I call for a tow? Then we can resume this whole you-chase-me-while-I-try-to-flee scenario we were about to play out.”

        Zombie: “Grrrraaawwww!!!”

        JF: “Check. Got it. Uhh.. I sure wish I wasn’t stuck in this mud. If only I’d been more light-hearted and fun about this whole April Fool’s Joke post! Oh.. Ouch. That really hurts. Those are my brains that you’re eating!”

        Zombie: “Nom nom nom”.

        *and scene*

  31. Absolutely made my day! Must disagree with an earlier poster: this just may be one of your BEST entries! Life is fun and zombie killing can be too! I just hope that when my time comes to destroy zombies, I not only have lots of weapons and ammo, but a cool soundtrack playing in the background, like Queen.

    Zombies, like this blog, are one of those things that make me feel so alive!

  33. lol
    The comments on todays post are just as fun to read as the post itself!
    Thanks, you guys, for making me laugh!

  34. A new thing I just noticed about this post? In that zombie hoard from the bottom picture, one of the girl zombies is texting her friends!

    “OMG! goin’ go eat sum brainz! ROFL. U shd cm join us! gtg.. time to eat sum1.. ttyl, zmbie_chik16”

    1. Ahh, that was one of the things I noticed too. As well as that bored looking guy in the left corner. Hahaha. XD

      Gotta love the zombie hoard. You know, someone I know made a joke about Easter; that it was the Anniversary of the First Zombie Apocalypse. In a weird way, depending on your beliefs, I guess he was kind of accurate.

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  40. I had to send this one over to my boyfriend… we initially bonded over zombies.

    Such a romantic post :) Love this :)

  43. And still, when everyone are zombies, they still have to text.
    (2nd line of zombies very right, and wearing Betty Boop shirt..)
    Haha, that’s a good one.

  44. It’s definitely about the little things in life … they really do all add up! As I learned from my marriage clients over many years and wrote in my little book (“A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage”), be nicer to your spouse than to any one else in the world. One little nice behavior after another, day in and day out, it becomes a habit, it becomes a happy relationship … http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com (check out my weekly nice behavior to give your spouse)

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  48. It’s just like finding out that Winchester on display in the pub was a working gun after all! How’s that for a slice of fried gold?

  49. I just came by to say that even though this was posted almost a month ago, it still randomly crosses my mind sometimes and it always makes me giggle. Definitely my favourite awesome thing so far! =)

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