It didn’t used to be this way.
For hundreds of thousands of years our species peed freely, whenever, wherever. Yes, whether we were roaming jungles, crossing ice bridges, or having picnics in plains, it wasn’t always pretty but when nature called, we answered.
Things are different now.
Most of the time our bladders are all locked up.
Yes, with our stadium seating, boardroom meetings, kid’s soccer games, and smooth highway lanes, the one thing we didn’t build in was an easy way to clear some leaves and squat in the corner. Honestly, how many times have you been looking for parking and circling the lot, waiting for a movie to wrap up the plot, or just fumbling with keys so you can race to the pot?
Listen, I’ve been there too. Yes, it’s always a tight squeeze, with bouncing knees, and gritted teeth, but we accept this tradeoff in exchange for living in our bright and modern World of Pants. And a world where everybody wears pants is great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that it cramps our style sometimes.
That’s why finally peeing after holding it forever feels so great. It’s like millions of years of animalistic need bursting through the chains and restraints of modern social norms. It’s the bathroom equivalent of a primal scream and it feels oh so incredibly
AWESOME!
The New Yorker reviews The Book of Awesome (3 days!)
Congrats to Laura J. and Emily B. for winning last week’s contest!
53 Comments
April 12, 2010 at 12:09 am
so true.
April 12, 2010 at 1:07 am
YES!
April 12, 2010 at 1:12 am
This is one of the problems I have not found a complete solution for. I have told myself various things… from: “I will go just before I leave the house/office etc.”, “I will go just before the meeting, class, etc”, “I will go as soon as I feel like instead of waiting til I can’t breathe”… Oh, well! Nature rules, and it is indeed awesome when you are relieved of thus worry!
April 12, 2010 at 2:05 am
My god, couldn’t have said it better myself.
You are totally
AWESOME!!!
April 12, 2010 at 2:27 am
Ahhh, sweet relief.
April 12, 2010 at 2:51 am
Sweet relief! This is exactly how I felt after the 3-hour podcast I hosted this afternoon, on which you appeared. Thanks for being our guest on The Drill Down, by the way!
April 12, 2010 at 4:40 am
You have to love the ‘piss shiver’ after holding it in for ages, and you get that ‘woooooaahhhhh’ feeling of relief.
April 12, 2010 at 6:42 am
One of the best feeling EVER!!!!
I only have one bathroom at home and there are 3 of us. Seems like eveveryone has to go at the exact same time. I always offer to go last….but then they take their sweet little time and I’m usually doing a dance when I finally get in there.
April 12, 2010 at 7:27 am
Seriously, it’s orgasmic.
April 12, 2010 at 8:00 am
When I have to pee, I have to pee!
April 12, 2010 at 8:33 am
Oh, the relief!!!
April 12, 2010 at 8:54 am
This feeling is pure awesomeness!!!
The feeling of your bladder shrinking back to normal size is beyond orgasmic…
Btw – has anyone else noticed the small smiley face in the top right corner O_o
I always try to click it, thinking that it is a link to a hidden world of awesomeness.
April 12, 2010 at 9:53 am
Ronin, we are already IN the hidden world of awesomeness! Look around you. :)
April 12, 2010 at 8:58 am
Definitely. I could tell a couple stories about this subject, but I probably shouldn’t.
April 12, 2010 at 9:51 am
It’s funny how the closer and closer you get to a bathroom, the urge seems to grow exponentially until finally you get there and………ahhhhhhhhhh!
April 12, 2010 at 10:01 am
Ever had a pelvic ultrasound? Well if you have, friend, then you and I share a harrowing full-bladder experience like no other.
Preparation instructions: Drink a swimming pool full of water, and then sit in the waiting room for four or five hours or so. Then we will ask you to lie flat while we press a wand hard into your abdomen directly over your extended bladder. Not just once, either. We’ll probably turn and twist, and shove that wand all over your belly in ways you never imagined.
Then we might say something like: “your bladder is too full. Just go let a little out.” A little out? Let a LITTLE out? Are you kidding me? If these floodgates open, there is no telling what might happen!
So yes, my friend, peeing after a pelvic ultrasound has got to be the sweetest, sweetest relief you may ever experience.
April 12, 2010 at 2:29 pm
This made me laugh. I’ve heard stories about this. Who can just let out a little pee when they need to go so badly? That’s a completely unrealistic demand.
April 12, 2010 at 8:03 pm
That is so unfortunate that someone has to go through that, but very funny to hear.
I hope I never have to go through that EVER.
June 20, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Oh lawd, that was exactly my experience this Tuesday. I’m pretty proud of my camel-like ability to “hold it in” for 8 hours sometimes (out in the field with only disgusting portapotties to contend with). But the pelvic ultrasound experience… well, let’s just say my mantra was ~must not pee on table!~ for the entire exam. :p
April 12, 2010 at 10:02 am
Oh, and *tick*.
April 12, 2010 at 11:45 am
Thank God Laura won…she deserved it.
April 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Wouldn’t you feel bad if it was a different Laura who won?!
;D
Buuuuuuut, it was me. And yes, thank God. And Neil. And the random number generator.
P.S. Thanks for saying I deserved it.
April 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Congratulations on winning the best book EVER!
April 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Thanks … I’m really excited about it.
April 12, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Oh so you actually did win, congratulations! You left like a billion comments, right? :D
April 12, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Ummm … guilty. :) But thank you.
April 12, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Enjoy the book! My shipment arrived today, so I’m quite excited!
April 13, 2010 at 9:39 am
Congrats! I kept my fingers crossed for you. :)
April 13, 2010 at 10:49 am
Aww … I love you guys! You’re my very favorite strangers. :)
April 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm
This might be one of the most awesome things I’ve seen. It’s seriously one of the best feelings ever.
It’s especially great after being stuck in rush hour traffic (in Atlanta, no less) for hours and hours. Aaahhhhh. :)
April 12, 2010 at 2:34 pm
That whole bladder-returning-to-normal-size sensation is a weird yet satisfying feeling. Ahh, the tank’s back on E again.
And in this context I mean empty. Not the drug. Just to clarify. :)
April 12, 2010 at 3:04 pm
The only thing that can top this awesome thing is being pregnant and finally peeing after holding it in.
April 12, 2010 at 5:25 pm
I once spent 6 hours strapped immobile to a board after being head-butted at a Beastie Boys concert. Going to the bathroom after that was pretty much the greatest feeling in the entire world.
April 12, 2010 at 5:30 pm
OK, so I’m going to revise my earlier comment.
Harrowing full bladder experiences:
1. Strapped to body board for 6 hours after Beastie Boys head-butting incident
2. Pelvic Ultrasound
April 14, 2010 at 4:08 pm
I’ve had one of those too. I have a bad needing-to-pee track record.
April 12, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Wow – I dont believe it – this actually happened to me last night…. I was out on a walk and had to decide between public exposure or holding it in…. I held it, but was amazing when I got home!!
April 14, 2010 at 12:33 am
Making it in time is also good :)
April 14, 2010 at 8:19 am
Oh how I can relate with this! Having road works in town means traffic stop/go and delays of 10 minutes and on 2 occasions this week I have eyed the island in the middle of town with tears in my eyes.
April 14, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Oh that is just hilarious! I remember when I was in Iraq and our mission was held up for HOURS. We were just parked in the middle of Baghdad waiting for the roads to clear up. I was the only female on that mission and I thought I was dying. Sooo my guys arranged the trucks, made all the gunners turn the other way, put men on foot to stand about 10 ft away (backwards of course) for “protection” and to make sure nobody was trying to sneak a peak. Then turned off all lights so I could squat and pee. It was the longest process, but completely worth it.
April 14, 2010 at 4:31 pm
When I had my daughter I couldn’t pee for pretty much the whole time I was in labour (I guess she was squishing my bladder the wrong way or whatever ) which after nine months of peeing every 10 minutes, was like, hilarious! Not! So after she was born it was like, oh yay I have a baby, but OMG THIS IS THE BEST PEE EVER.
April 15, 2010 at 2:29 am
While that moment is so flippin awesome, if you miss that exact moment, you could end of peeing your pants. fml.
April 15, 2010 at 2:56 am
It’s like this chorus:
“Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess
Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess
quite a mess”
April 15, 2010 at 6:08 am
One of the most AWESOME things. Compared to the other physical expressions of desire fulfilled, it is only next to a few things :D
April 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I love that people are remembering their best pees…haha…i remember mine…my geometry teacher in 10th grade would NOT let me leave class to go to the bathroom…i had to go soooo bad!…I held it what seemed like the longest class ever!…Felt so good when I got to go finally…This is definitely a good one! :)
April 18, 2010 at 1:42 am
I hate the holding but enjoy the release. more often then not I let out a WOOOOOOOO! while it flows.
exhilarating to be honest.
April 18, 2010 at 11:53 am
I (and my friends) refer to this feeling as APB – After Pee Bliss.
April 22, 2010 at 11:30 pm
This is what I thought of! Haha![http://www.flickr.com/photos/msthackeray/4533575288/]
April 24, 2010 at 2:49 am
Try going to a parade during Mardi Gras and drinking and only having 2 portos/5 city blocks! I was in the worst pain ever!
April 28, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Once I had drunk 2 bottles of water then sat in a bumpy car 4 4-5 hours I had to unbutton my belt it hurt so bad I hate public bathrooms but wen I got home it was cold in the house which made me have to go even more I finally went and it felt AWSOME :D
May 3, 2010 at 8:05 pm
this is so incredibly true it’s ridiculous :P
May 29, 2010 at 2:54 pm
i once spent a fantastic day drinking copious cups of tea with my best friend. inevitably, on the drive home, i felt the need to pee. it was late on a saturday afternoon and i was travelling the route between a seaside town and the nearest city. traffic was slow, my camper van was over 30 years old and suspension was not it’s strong point, i had two sleeping babies in the back , there was not one public toilet en route. i reached the point where i seriously considered just letting go, right there on my van seat, i figured i could always source another seat. but sanity prevailed and as soon as i reached the city i pulled into the street next to the museum with the intention of using their toilets. but a full bladder and the prospect of carrying two sleep-heavy babes up the steps and through the building to the toilets at the back was too much. in a flash i pulled the curtains in the van, whipped open a cupboard and searched for a suitable container, and found a saucepan. a camping saucepan with a pattern of brown enamel flowers and a half melted handle. i used it, it was bliss. afterwards i emptied it down a drain and threw it in the bin. the awesome feeling lasted all the way home and into the next day.
June 8, 2010 at 5:01 am
[...] vista en 1000 Awesome Things, que por cierto está genial) Publicado por Meliuli a las 8:57 | sin palabras, [...]
August 5, 2010 at 7:13 pm
man, you should give it more credit for this awesome thing. the numbre 529 is nothing for the satisfaction of peeing after holding it forever.