#420 Scratching your back on some random thing

The middle of your back is no hands land.

Those itchy islands off the coast of Spine Beach see a lot of shade and a lot of showers but not much scratchy, scratchy fingernail loving. When you’re itching hard you might try the ol’ Reverse Angle Elbow Bender a couple times before giving up and going with a classic:

1. Tree trunks. Yes, in addition to life giving oxygen, skin soothing shade, and strong stable shelters, trees are a natural back scratcher. Make sure you find the old withered one full of knots in the middle of the forest. Trees: Nature’s massage therapist. Now covered on most health plans.

2. A big metal tool from the barbecue set. Using the burger lifter or rusty tongs are great moves but for extra caveman bonus points you’ve got to go with the giant two-pronged fork. Close your eyes and you’ll suddenly be back outside the cave using a woolly mammoth tusk in front of the fire.

3. Comb or hairbrush. Just make sure to rinse it afterward.

4. The corner of your wall. You keep watching football, I’ll just casually tiptoe over to the corner over here and rub my lower lumbar all over the pointy wainscoting. Mmmm, yeah. Now I know what the vacuum hose was talking about.

5. Your cat. After many patient hours of teaching you may eventually convince kitty to think of your back as a scratching post. If you get here, congratulations on reaching Total Backscratching Nirvana.

Now, scratching your back on some random thing is great because you don’t need a friend or family member to help you out. Let’s face it: we’re all gonna be alone sometimes so in addition to changing a flat tire and learning basic self defense, it’s important you pick up some solo back scratching skills, too.

Pack your bags because you’re going to Spine Beach.


Our friend Dallas Clayton has written a great children’s book about dreaming big called An Awesome Book. I just bought some copies for Christmas presents and you can check it out here. Congratulations, Dallas!

Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here

43 thoughts on “#420 Scratching your back on some random thing

  1. Ahh, the corner. Such a classic maneuver. I have to say, the extendo barbeque tools are a tactic that I have NOT yet tried.

    I may or may not admit to being at school and using a ruler, though. :)

    P.S. An Awesome Book is WAY, WAY awesome … I’m ordering some, too! :D

  2. OK, so I bought a back scratcher at Disney World once. It was awesome, but it broke (too much use?) A friend went to Disney for vacation and I asked him to buy me another one. What did he give me? A Mickey scratcher. What’s wrong with it? Mickey’s gloved! He does not have sharp nails and so all I get is a soft plasticy mitted scratch which is no scratch at all and it makes me sad.

  3. Preferred method: just lay on the ground face up, and go all willy nilly like a dog. The physical scratching and mental humiliation combine to create one heck of an emotional release :-)

  4. Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t have a problem with twisting my arms around and scratching my back? I don’t miss any spots. I’m not double jointed or anything like that, either.

      1. Yeah, I agree with this blog 99% of the time but this one has me genuinely baffled. Is this a big joke going over my head or are there seriously people who literally can’t reach their own backs? I can reach every spot on my back with my fingernails with no exertion whatsoever.

        1. No jokes, people can seriously not scratch every part of their back. I only know this because my left arm has a really flexible shoulder and scratch eevery bit of my back including the back of my head, while my right stops just below the top middle, which is appearently the normal. So yay for us people who never experienced the can’t scratch my back jiggle.

  5. I just went and read Dallas Clayton’s book online ‘cuz he put it up for all to see! That’s awesome! If I ever have money, I will definitely get that book, because I want the large version to show to my far-in-the-future kid.

  6. Hahahahah, love it. Goes for massage too… Didn’t find a good way to massage my back without help though, except for massage chairs… Other massage devices don’t really work. :(

  7. My cat does that every now and then, and I must say… it really IS awesome.

    btw, am I the only one who’s getting an itchy back while reading this?

  8. An intricately carved silver letter opener that happens to be laying right in front of me.

    One pointy end, one flat end.


  9. OK here is the best back-scratcher of all time (other than a woman)….. Tape or tie a common fork to the end of a ruler or stick and scratch away. It’s really good….

  10. If you’re a dog owner, just put their favorite squeaky toy under your shirt on top of the offending area, then give it a good squeak. They’ll dig that itch away!

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