#420 Scratching your back on some random thing

The middle of your back is no hands land.

Those itchy islands off the coast of Spine Beach see a lot of shade and a lot of showers but not much scratchy, scratchy fingernail loving. When you’re itching hard you might try the ol’ Reverse Angle Elbow Bender a couple times before giving up and going with a classic:

1. Tree trunks. Yes, in addition to life giving oxygen, skin soothing shade, and strong stable shelters, trees are a natural back scratcher. Make sure you find the old withered one full of knots in the middle of the forest. Trees: Nature’s massage therapist. Now covered on most health plans.

2. A big metal tool from the barbecue set. Using the burger lifter or rusty tongs are great moves but for extra caveman bonus points you’ve got to go with the giant two-pronged fork. Close your eyes and you’ll suddenly be back outside the cave using a woolly mammoth tusk in front of the fire.

3. Comb or hairbrush. Just make sure to rinse it afterward.

4. The corner of your wall. You keep watching football, I’ll just casually tiptoe over to the corner over here and rub my lower lumbar all over the pointy wainscoting. Mmmm, yeah. Now I know what the vacuum hose was talking about.

5. Your cat. After many patient hours of teaching you may eventually convince kitty to think of your back as a scratching post. If you get here, congratulations on reaching Total Backscratching Nirvana.

Now, scratching your back on some random thing is great because you don’t need a friend or family member to help you out. Let’s face it: we’re all gonna be alone sometimes so in addition to changing a flat tire and learning basic self defense, it’s important you pick up some solo back scratching skills, too.

Pack your bags because you’re going to Spine Beach.


Our friend Dallas Clayton has written a great children’s book about dreaming big called An Awesome Book. I just bought some copies for Christmas presents and you can check it out here. Congratulations, Dallas!

Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here


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43 responses to “#420 Scratching your back on some random thing

  1. Corner of the wall is mostly helpful to scratch the back. ohhh, awesome

  2. Vini

    Hey…. truly awesome…. one other thing very useful is a foot rule scale :)…. its truly AWESOME :)

  3. Laura

    Ahh, the corner. Such a classic maneuver. I have to say, the extendo barbeque tools are a tactic that I have NOT yet tried.

    I may or may not admit to being at school and using a ruler, though. :)

    P.S. An Awesome Book is WAY, WAY awesome … I’m ordering some, too! :D

  4. I don’t think I trust a cat enough to scratch my back, but that is very interesting. My choice is usually the corner of a wall or a pencil.

  5. Chris

    Tree Trunk is definitely my number 1, nothing like sitting outside by a good tree, getting an itch, and then…. AWESOME!

  6. Cat-stratching can be hazardous. Sometime kitty doesn’t know their own strength or the sharpness or their claws … ouch!

  7. OK, so I bought a back scratcher at Disney World once. It was awesome, but it broke (too much use?) A friend went to Disney for vacation and I asked him to buy me another one. What did he give me? A Mickey scratcher. What’s wrong with it? Mickey’s gloved! He does not have sharp nails and so all I get is a soft plasticy mitted scratch which is no scratch at all and it makes me sad.

  8. This is GREAT! My mom scratches her back on the wall, i’ve allways made fun of her for it :)

    thanks for making me smile

    <3 gina

  9. LOL my grandma always scratches at the corner of the wall :P

  10. Lol, makes you feel like a dog

  11. Preferred method: just lay on the ground face up, and go all willy nilly like a dog. The physical scratching and mental humiliation combine to create one heck of an emotional release :-)

  12. Rolls

    The Bar-B-Que tools was my secret weapon for the super itchy spots! Awesome!

  13. Daniel

    Now i actually want my back to be itchy, just so i can try out all the different techniques!
    As usual, an Awesome post :)

  14. Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t have a problem with twisting my arms around and scratching my back? I don’t miss any spots. I’m not double jointed or anything like that, either.

    • jdurley

      I can do it too!

    • Ditto! I can even scratch my back and then reach up and scratch the back of my head. Naturally flexible shoulders I guess.

    • Bethany

      I don’t have any problems either. (:

      • Hector

        Yeah, I agree with this blog 99% of the time but this one has me genuinely baffled. Is this a big joke going over my head or are there seriously people who literally can’t reach their own backs? I can reach every spot on my back with my fingernails with no exertion whatsoever.

        • AA

          No jokes, people can seriously not scratch every part of their back. I only know this because my left arm has a really flexible shoulder and scratch eevery bit of my back including the back of my head, while my right stops just below the top middle, which is appearently the normal. So yay for us people who never experienced the can’t scratch my back jiggle.

        • rosetucker

          I guess you haven’t reached old, maybe

          middle age, yet. Good Luck!

  15. I would have to say the best tool for scratching one’s back has to be one’s girlfriend’s fingernails!

  16. BirdieNumNum

    I just went and read Dallas Clayton’s book online ‘cuz he put it up for all to see! That’s awesome! If I ever have money, I will definitely get that book, because I want the large version to show to my far-in-the-future kid.

  17. A friend with long nails and patience is also a great option!!!

  18. Hahahahah, love it. Goes for massage too… Didn’t find a good way to massage my back without help though, except for massage chairs… Other massage devices don’t really work. :(

  19. den

    If you choose a pen, make sure to choose the non-inked end, especially when dressed in business attire…..

  20. Daph.

    My cat does that every now and then, and I must say… it really IS awesome.

    btw, am I the only one who’s getting an itchy back while reading this?

  21. EvilSkittles

    Totally did this today.

  22. you’re really awesome
    for thinking this one
    yes to back scratching
    no to to backbiting!

  23. rosetucker

    My latest tool is from the kitchen: a teflon

    spaghetti scooper. It’s pretty good.

  24. weed man

    This one should have been lighting up a big bong bowl of weed. 420!! legalize it

  25. Now this is a coincedence: I was scratching my back with a pencil I found on my desk when I started reading this post! Hilarious and indeed awesome.

  26. Hannah

    An intricately carved silver letter opener that happens to be laying right in front of me.

    One pointy end, one flat end.


  27. Get more 5 with a polydactal!
    Here Sasha…it’s training time!

  28. Simon Jester

    OK here is the best back-scratcher of all time (other than a woman)….. Tape or tie a common fork to the end of a ruler or stick and scratch away. It’s really good….

  29. Pingback: 1000 Awesome Things.......... | infoplanetarium.com

  30. Image

    If you’re a dog owner, just put their favorite squeaky toy under your shirt on top of the offending area, then give it a good squeak. They’ll dig that itch away!

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