#402 Perfectly stapling through a thick stack of papers

It’s just you and me, Swingline.

Sure, we’ve tangled before: Your jagged, splintery arms stabbed sharply back through the top of my book report, you mangled your neck on a powerful hammer-punch, and you didn’t make it through a few fat stacks, forcing me to surgically fingerpick you out of there, which frankly kind of hurt my fingernails.

But not today.

Today’s the day you crash through a thick stack of sheets like an icebreaker busting through a frozen lake. Just push through with purpose till your arms squeeze together and give my science lab a hug from the other side.

Nope, no broken bones, no twisted limbs, no poor penetration.

Just a beautifully crisp and stapled stack of


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36 thoughts on “#402 Perfectly stapling through a thick stack of papers

  1. My first reaction was: “wait, this is impossible…” and then I was like: “but wait, that one time I stapled like 20 pages and it was perfect… ” AWESOME!

  2. This is the first time I’ve ever seen somebody talk about an “icebreaker” as an object you use to actually break ice.

  3. Being able to take a sheet of a ream of paper out of the package without damaging it.
    It happens most of the time specially when it is new and full of paper sheets.

  4. My stapler always makes me mad. Whenever I remember I go to use the one my boss has, its one of those heavy duty staplers….

  5. Oh, Swingline. At my old job, I could choose from a classy assortment of high-end staplers that were capable of stapling a fat stack of papers without issue.

    Now I’m in a place where they buy the cheapest of the cheap … I have like eight staplers, all able to staple approximately two sheets of paper at once. On a good day. And forget opening it up to staple something on a bulletin board. There will be none of that. You win, cheapie stapler. You win.

    I now only achieve stapler-bliss on the rare occasion that I staple something at home. The Swingline days of my old job are just a fond and distant memory, replaced with cold, bitter days of stapler frustration.

    1. My poor ghetto stapler is held together with a rubber band. When I started this job I reached over and picked it up and it just fell apart in my hands, so I stuck it back together with a rubber band.

  6. I do NOT get along with staplers!! So, yes! FINALLY getting a “clean” staple is truly AWESOME!

  7. It’s one of those hold-your-breath moments in life…then you breathe a sigh of relief…ahhhh, it stapled…it really worked…job well done.

  8. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…

  9. Truly an AWESOME thing! I just had this problem with a paper I had to turn in. I was frantically printing out my paper and grabbing everything to get to school on time, and I grabbed the stapler, but sadly… 3 mangled staples that I had to manually pick out later, the papers were not stapled :o/ I dream of a moment when the staple goes through perfectly!

  10. We have an electric stapler at work, I love it! It’s always perfect!

    I also have a really nice stapler at home. It came it one of those cheap little “office sets” with a stapler, ruler, pen, pencil, and paperweight, but it actually works really well. And the staples are pink.

  11. Stapling a large stack of papers definitely makes my day. Especially if I can do it with my Swingline, and not have to go find the heavy duty stapler. It’s funny how the little things can really make you smile.

    1. Apparently Swingline didn’t even make a red stapler until AFTER “Office Space” came out and so many people were requesting them, they decided to go for it. The director got a regular grey one and spray-painted it red for the movie.

  12. Sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!! I have encountered the stapler horror a time or two, and always right before i have to hand in an assignment. When you get it right you hear angels singing. Congrats nkspas. Job well done!!!!!!!

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