#385 That one house on your street that gets really, really into Halloween

Level 0. Real cobwebs, one pumpkin lying on the porch that isn’t carved, lollipops in a popcorn bowl.

Level 1. Fake stringy cobwebs across the front door, carved jack-o-lantern lying on the porch, plastic Halloween-themed sign on the door, mini candy bars handed out of a giant plastic orange pumpkin.

Level 2. Fake stringy cobwebs everywhere with giant black plastic spiders on them, more than two jack-o-lanterns on the porch with real candles flickering inside, creepy music of creaky doors and rattling chains playing through the window, candy handed out by someone wearing a Scream mask or long black cape, a pretend dead guy in a patio chair on the porch who turns out to be real when you get close to him.

Level 3. Garage transformed into haunted house featuring actual black cat, more than three jack-o-lanterns carved into detailed works of art, orange and black lightbulbs up the walk, full candy bars handed out by Halloween philanthropists in makeup and costumes, entire lawn transformed into graveyard with cardboard gravestones reading things like “Here lies good ol’ Colorblind Fred, thought the lights were green when they were red”, a pretend dead guy in a patio chair who actually turns out to be pretend because there’s another guy hiding in the bushes behind you who actually scares you, fog machine.


Don’t forget to grab a last-minute costume before practicing strategic trick-or-treating this weekend!

Photos from: here, here, and here

47 thoughts on “#385 That one house on your street that gets really, really into Halloween

  1. The “pretend dead guy in a patio chair on the porch who turns out to be real when you get close to him” always freaked the crap out of me.

    I LOVE when people get really into holidays!!

    My house was always like a 1.5 or something. There was a house a few streets over that was TOTALLY a three. The dad even had these huge stilts and a creepy reaper costume he would walk around in all night … it was super-scary, but the treats made enduring the tricks worth it.

    Love the reminders for last minute costumes and strategic trick-or-treating … I was thinking of those this morning :D

    1. I think our house is a 1.9/used to be a 2.4.
      We have the cobwebs with the spiders, creepy music, fog machine, lots of plastic signs and decorations, and glow in the dark stuff. Oh, and we have 2 giant blow up things! But my brother used to dress up all scary for it and creep people out in his evil doctor costume =). Now he isn’t here (he is on a mission for 2 years) and halloween won’t be the same without him. =(

      But, our house still totally pwns everyone on halloween decorating.

      1. Haha we were a 0 but now we’re a -1 which is pretty bad lol. But at our old house, our next door neighbors were something like a 2.6 which was pretty awesome cause we always got sooo much extra goodies from them!

        I always remember the 3’s, and it’s true, their fake dead guy IS always fake, it’s the real guy you’ve gotta watch out for

        1. It’s ok … a few of the neighbors in my parents’ neighborhood are probably a -2. They’ve all gotten old and their kids are grown up and gone … we’re talkin’ like, no pumpkins, no candy, porch lights off, no cobwebs of any kind.

      2. Ha! Carissa – I love the “precision without accuracy” of your estimates – 1.9 & 2.4..

        When I have kids I’m really going to dial it up and our house will be a 3.14… Basically we’ll just shove pumpkin pies into people’s faces.. Ba-dum-dum..

          1. ;) Thanks!

            I figured it was better than making my house a 2.718 and just read everyone e. e. cummings poems.

    2. I haven’t seen the pretend dead guy that’s actually real since I lived back home. There was always an entire street in town that went all out for Halloween. Ever since I’ve been taking my little one out, I have yet to see a pretend not really pretend dead guy. I miss it…

        1. I was watching America’s funniest vidoes and there was this one guy that was pretending to be a dead guy ( or scarecrow..I don’t quite remember) and he jumped up and scared a grown man…. who then punched the “dead guy” in the face and ran off.

          1. One year when I was out taking my daughter around, there was a house with a group of life-sized statues in the middle of the yard. Not until after the kids got their candy did they “come to life” and scare the Bee-Gees out of us.

            They were awesome!

          2. I also saw that episode of Americas Funniest Home Videos…the scared guy jumped the gun a bit with the punch to the face. Lol.

        2. My friends and I once spent a good two minutes standing at the bottom of someon’s porch steps trying to work out if the “dead guy” was real or pretend. Turned out to be real.

      1. Wait.. if he’s a “pretend not really pretend dead guy”, does that mean he’s ACTUALLY dead?

        *my head hurts*

        Hopefully you just mean a scarecrow-type guy, because otherwise… Ewwwww… Neil will have to add a new level:

        10.0 – Having an actual corpse on your front porch.

        1. I had neighbours who came somewhat close to that. One of them worked at a funeral home so they had a fake corpse in a real coffin.

  2. I hated the guy sitting in the chair LOL Many houses did it, some were real, some were to make you tense or nervous…was sooo not cool…but I really loved Halloween. Can’t wait to give my best friend a penalty for diving (I’m a hockey referee, he is Davy Jones).

  3. Our house is usually level 1 (the pretty average place) but in our boring, mostly-old-people neighborhood, it’s the liveliest place on the block!

  4. Trick or treat was last night here. I didn’t get to take the little one out cuz it was her father’s turn. We didn’t really decorate for Halloween too much this year. We had 2 carved pumpkins lit with real candles on the porch, some window clings, 2 paintings my daughter did, one pumpkin she just drew on and 2 pumpkins we made out of construction paper. Not much, but just enough to get her excited.
    Next year, there are already plans on at least making our house a level 2.

  5. Halloween isn’t as big as this around where I’m living (Ireland). You might see a skeleton or two hung up in peoples windows.

    Most houses around where I live would probably register in minus levels :p

  6. On my old street there was a family that did the garage haunted house! It had about 5 live people that would pop up out of coffins, etc. It was really scary! The “mom” of the family would give you candy and a hug when you came out of there crying.

    1. All the haunted houses we put together when we were kids always had exactly the same things, every year..

      You had to put your hands into the following:

      1) A dark jar with peeled grapes, and we told you they were eyeballs..

      2) A dark bowl with overcooked spaghetti with tomato sauce, and we told you they were intestines..

      3) A fake plastic knife that would retract into the handle when you “stabbed” someone, making it look like the blade when into the person.

      That is all.

  7. This is my house. I’m the one that is a halloween extremist (as my friends are calling me) Even without a job this year i’ve managed to go nuts. Paper mache goes a long way ^__^

  8. There’s a house the next street over that is definitely a level 3 (or at least it was when I used to go out trick-or-treating). One of the main attractions was a tableau of skeletons playing hockey. Only in Canada…

  9. With my partner in crime, we would always transform a house into a 3, but now we are cities apart.

    This year, my house will be about a 2.5, lots of lights, 8 or so carved pumpkins with real candles of course! Garlands made of candy…Halloween is kind of my thing :)

  10. There were two houses that were definately like, fives. One of them had a haunted walk-through of his property. He had a large sideyard, and he set up a ‘graveyard’ complete with two actual hearses. Couple of fake/real guys who volunteered…it was great.

    The other one had an actual organ outside, and a gargantuan spider hanging from the top of the house. Creepy music…even the fake/real dead guy handing out candy on the porch.

  11. Great stories everyone:) Thank you.
    Holla Pat, aka Gramma Bird, the best all of the above I ever knew…We loved you so much for all the laughs, spooks and attitude of Awesome! RIP.

  12. ok, last night, there was thos grim reaper guy who was holding a scithe-thing, and was REALLY still, and while i was trick-or-treating, i mentioned that “if that thing moves, I’m gonna scream SO loudly,” and then he moved. i still screamed, even though i KINDA saw it coming.


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