They’re just what we never wanted.
But that’s okay, that’s okay — because someone else might! Yes, now it’s time for some Regifting Magic, people. It’s time to regift like you’ve never regifted before. You’re a regifting machine if you follow these three steps to freedom:
1. Smile sweetly. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Instead, look them in the eyes while saying thank you over and over. You may also find it helpful to practice these lines (for these items): “I’ve been meaning to try that place!” (gift card to Taco Bell), “How did you know I liked puke green!” (puke green sweater), and “It’s perfect, it’s perfect — honestly, how have I even been wearing shoes all these years!?” (shoehorn)
2. Add it your gifts-to-give pile. When you get home make sure to write a thank-you card promptly and then toss the gift in the closet with your motorized self-twirling spaghetti fork, Streetlamps of the World page-a-day calendar, and novelty light-up ceramic angel. Let your inventory bulk up a bit so you’ve got good regift variety and be sure to hide the stash from future regiftees.
3. Annnnnnd… regift! This is the toughest step because you only truly succeed in regifting when you’re about 80-90% sure the regiftee will love the present. After all, there’s nothing wrong with gift cards to Taco Bell and light-up ceramic angels. It’s just that one goes to your backwards-cap skateboarding rascal of a little cousin and the other goes to your Grandma who loves tacos.