#251 When none of the peas fall off your fork on the way to your mouth

Piling those slow rollers onto your fork and steering them straight into your mouth is Kitchen Table Victory. It requires intense mental focus, steady wristing, and a slow-steering speed.

A little mashed potatoes on the fork also helps.


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84 thoughts on “#251 When none of the peas fall off your fork on the way to your mouth

  1. If you spear them with your fork, they will not fall off. (I think I just found my very own “Ducks” post here!)

      1. Ha! Now you guys know what it feels like! :)

        Yeah – Neil, are you sure you didn’t mean to say: “When your Nutella-mallow doesn’t fall off the skewer on it’s way into your pie-hole?” Because that would definitely be something Lara could relate to..

        1. There’s a definite technique to the Nutella-mallow! The first one I made, I held over the heat too long, so the marshmallow expanded beyond what the Nutella shell could handle and it cracked, causing a lava flow of marshmallow and Nutella fragments to start sliding down my skewer.

          1. Thanks for the tip! I told me wife all about the Nutella-mallow yesterday, and it was fun to see her eyes get wide and watch the drool run down her chin as we eagerly await our camping trip next weekend as we get to try this for the first time!

            I’m sure we’ll find all new ways to deliciously screw this up for a few times before we perfect the technique..

                1. Will you two quit shivering your timbers and give a guy a break for a typo???

                  Or ARGGGGHHHH you guys just going to keep teasing me??


    1. but then you find yourself eating a maximum of about 4 and/or squishing them before you can enjoy that part! However, you do speak the truth!

  2. So…Alberta time, eh? You’re just so thoughtful:)
    But about the peas, in my “opeanion”, (hardy har), they’re only good fresh off the vine from the pod, in which case no fork required. HA!!!
    *On bracelet: Some people are just so clever!

    1. Cooked peas are good too, but I agree that fresh is best. I can eat an entire pound of peas straight off the vine! Yum! Whenever I go back to visit California during pea season, I always stop at this farm on the way from my parent’s house to my friend’s place to pick up a bag of peas. They are almost gone by the time I get to my destination.

      1. Oh that sounds delicious, especially if you can still “keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel”, shuck and chuck in “pea-hole”, (I’m on fire today, harharsnort), all at the same time…awesome!!!
        If I may ask for interpretation, what do you mean by “Ducks post?” I’ve only been “here” since “Feeling it in your bones”, #340 and am trying to play catch-up…if you will, please and thank you:)

        1. “Ducks” was Freddo’s least favorite post, but he complained about it so much that he came to love it.

                1. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

                  If I’d been eating peas when I read that, they definitely would’ve flown out my nose.. hilarious.. :)

                  Plus, I’m glad that jdurley is just accepting her role at this point.. I mean, why fight it..

                  Like the saying goes:
                  If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck.. it’s probably a terrible 1000awesomethings.com post.

                    1. Alright!!! I’ve just returned from “Ducks,” and thank you for the entertainment.
                      I’m “cultured in gratitude by reciprocation”, so first I’d like to share this…At a first-rate child-care center, I saw a tee-pee made of chicken wire; every kind of edible pea there was and fragrant sweet peas were grown.
                      Clearly, under adult supervision… imagine the feast and fun was had by everyone.
                      secondly, if you’ve never returned to “Ducks”,
                      you should. There’s a comment by a: playmesa-
                      dated May 12th. I personally think you’d have a great “muddy” banter with…
                      Thanks again, Wendy

    1. HA! you should totally send that one to Red Green show at “the Possum Lodge” in the Adyrondicks of Ontario.
      And if you like duct tape, and haven’t already, read #806, “Ducks”.
      Funny what peas and potatoes on fork will bring about in this world.

    1. Starting Zach out on veggies. So far he likes carrots and hates green beans. Next week is squash and then we move on to the peas. I’ll bet he’ll hate the peas too

  3. “It requires intense mental focus, steady wristing, and a slow-steering speed.”

    I wonder if there are any exercises I could do to improve the quality of my wristing…

    1. jdurley – you seem to be our resident “dirty joke” teller around here. Any chance you want to help Andrew out with some suggestions?

      1. LOL! Glad I’m not the only one who saw “wristing” and giggled like a 3rd grader. (You know you giggled, Freddo!)

      2. You know, it took great restraint for me not to reply to Andrew’s post with “That’s what SHE said.” But I didn’t do it, did I? Do you know why? So that I wouldn’t become labelled as the “resident dirty joke teller around here.” But since that ship seems to have sailed….

        …please see response to Lara’s comment in Optimistic Weather Dressers.

        1. Sorry, I meant to say, “please see response to Lara’s comment above in the thread begun by Wendy”.

        2. Ya know, I was even going to say on the above response “I’m going to start keeping a running total of innuendoes / dirty jokes that jdurley tells … ” but instead just went with my initial reaction of “HAHAHA” :)

          So yes, what we’re saying here is that you’ve already established your reputation, just like Freddo’s wife has via Freddo (a Twilight-loving, Nutella-craving, Snuggie-wearing, raw-egg-fearing lady), and just like Freddo has (an STD-obsessed, duck-post-hating, rom-com-watching, spam-outing man).


          1. Are we going to add “meat handler” to jdurley’s reputation, or is that covered in innuendoes?

            Laura, your reputation for the record includes the fact that you are a bad windshield-wiper having, When Harry Met Sally hating, non-sports watching, 1000awesomethings.com super fan.

            1. OMG, I’m the “12-year old boy” of the intrawebs. But really, guys, there’s so much more to me than toilet-related humour, and toilet-related tick marks. Really, there is! For example, I like…uh… bathtubs! Yeah. That’s where I play with my rubber ducks.

              1. Thanks, jdurley.. now you’ve ruined this song for me! It has lost all of it’s childhood innocence!

                Rubber Duckie, you’re the one,
                You make bathtime lots of fun,
                Rubber Duckie, I’m awfully fond of you;

                Woo woo be doo

                Rubber Duckie, joy of joys,
                When I squeeze you, you make noise!
                Rubber Duckie, you’re my very best friend, it’s true!

                Doo doo doo doo, doo doo

                Every day when I
                Make my way to the tubby
                I find a little fella who’s
                Cute and yellow and chubby


                    1. OMG! That’s my favorite site about ducks! That’s so weird! :) I bet it will convert Freddo into a duck-lover, too.

                    2. Well done, Bekah..

                      I have to say that you would’ve had me fooled, but your good friends jdurley and Laura totally over-sold it, and I’d already started singing the song before I even clicked the link..

                      You need to find better partners in crime. :P

    1. Yay the bracelet made it onto the blog! How awesome :)

      The blue book is Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

      1. Sweet jesus; that charm bracelet is the most genius thing I’ve seen this year. I’m totally getting one. Seriously. I’m doin’ it.

  4. “The Time-Traveller’s Wife” and “Water for Elephants” are incredible books…

    …But they’re just not quite as AWESOME as some other books we know of, are they?

    ; )

  5. Reminds me of something my dad always said when we ate them growing up: “I eat my peas with honey, I’ve done it all my life. I eat my peas with honey, it helps ’em stick to my knife.”

    He has a lot of food related poetry, such as, “Pork chop, pork chop, greasy, greasy, I can beat Neil, easy easy.” :-)

    1. Thanks for the “sweet” poetry. Your dad sounds great:)
      It is in my “opeanion”, (not even a day old yet), when anyone breaks into rhyme, there’s a skip in their step and a song in their heart…
      limerics are really fun too, as well as haiku, Dr. Suess and Winnie the Pooh…to start a day here is like a symphony, whatever Neil writes and most comments are informative, funny, awesome and also sweet.

  6. Loving the bracelet

    Ok….so…I like to pick up my peas one at a time and eat them. I poke a little hole in them and suck out the insides and then I eat the outside… that’s not weird at all. When I’m in a setting where a fork is more appropriate, I will make sure that I have some mashed potatoes in there. I love mixes other veggies with my potatoes, especially corn.

    1. lol… “that’s not weird at all”..

      I liked that little reassuring pep-talk you gave yourself there, mid-post..

      Also, I’m imagining it takes you about two-and-a-half days to finish a standard adult serving size of peas, using that technique..

      1. Close. It takes about 64 hours altogether. I only eat peas when there’s nothing on my schedule for the next week.

        It is really fun do to, though.

  7. i can’t believe how many tricks there are too eating peas. because they’re gross! haha, for my mouth anyway. i know some people love em, split pea soup, eeehhhh. two peas in a pod, that’s cool. i like that saying, but that’s where it begins and ends for me and this vegetable.

  8. #251b when just the title of a blog post in your feed reader makes you laugh out loud all alone in your office at 8:30 on a Thursday morning.

  9. My wife and I are big fans of the show Top Chef.. a few seasons back, one of the “cheftestants” (yes, that’s what they’re called) was a fan favorite named: Carla (who was recently back on the all-star season). She made a dish with “perfect peas”, and was really cute about how much she loved her peas. So my wife and I can’t eat peas now, without referring to them being “perfect peas”.

    Check out the 10 or so seconds starting at 0:16 of this pea-related clip to see why Carla was a favorite of ours:


  10. When I was five, there was a move which involved a kitchen table that had to be flipped on its side to fit through the door and out from “THE LEDGE”, my top secret hiding place, were all the nasty peas I’d ever despised.
    Whatever would a child do next time she hadn’t the stomach for something such as “peas, rice and hamburger rolled into cabbage and smothered in tomatoe sauce”. I mean really, I imagine Grimms brother’s parents concocted this one. Clever me, I pocketed them in a pale yellow blouse, stood up and asked ever so politely if I could please be excused from the dinner table to go the washroom, to flush them, in front of 20 guests!
    My apologies if I’ve retold this story or offended anyone.

      1. HELL NO~I attended the school of hard knocks; was forced to eat disgusting cabbage rolls and PEAS chased by whole dairy milk! YUK!
        I have been trying to behave here in public, Awesome-land.
        Truth is, authentically, I’m very “Far Side”…Have Moxy, Magda!
        Where’s your dog everybody talks about?
        Did you read ducks all through, recently??? It’s hilarious!

        1. Moxy. Really Wendy? I’m sorry that you had a bad experience with peas and I don’t know where my dog is right now, but I do know about Moxy, and I know about love too. It takes a lot of forms and it knows its boundaries. A sapling may be a little tree exposed to the elements but if it can stay grounded, grow, flourish and be productive in a less than ideal environment than it has achieved something wonderful. That’s one kind of moxy.

            1. Ha ha ha! I remember that song from, like, 1992 or something. I think I had the cassette tape. “Spilled some dressing on Doris Lessing!”

              1. ahhh, that was really sweet and thanks for not correcting my spelling on moxie! While I just looked it up, I realized I like a little motley as well~diversified in colour, especially in Canadian Fall style, when it goes like this:
                “Be as a tree… ever rooted, ever growing, ever reaching.”

                You are so awesome, I actually went to ask jeeves, who wrote the quote, “and a pretend wedding followed,” as neil would say, jaws dropped and eyes popped, jeeves said me?
                How does jeeves know for sure?
                And who breaks the thread?

                  1. I found the lyrics to the song my kids used to sing; I never got then, but do now, and although we like a good book, we LOVE to dance and laugh too!!
                    Again, I do declare, Pea—ce;)

  11. I only recently started to subscribe…”shucks”…oh the things if only I’d known sooner…but then this labyrinth revisited would have been for naught and nearly forgot and every part of every journey has it’s awesomeness, when you have openess to the positiveness:)

  12. Although it served me well for sometime, I’m too tired for moxy hyper-vigilance; it’s not naturally me! Time to let the peas fall as they may~ time to open up and “Give Peace a Chance.”

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