#214 Eating a taco without anything falling out

I always break my taco’s back.

Yes, it’s a sad and painful moment which involves me picking up a hard-shell taco and very gently squeezing it together so I can fit it in my mouth. But then just before I can bite, a loud splintery crack fills the air and I notice I’ve just given my taco a career-ending spinal injury by splitting it into two giant half-circle nachos barely squeezing the greasy meat, cheese, and lettuce together.

The next thirty seconds are a tornado chomping blur as I bite hard and fast to avoid the entire taco crumbling into a pathetic wet beaver’s dam of splintered shells, sour cream smears, and grease drops.

It doesn’t always work and I’m often left a pathetic mess with greasy fingers, bits of tomato in my hair, and a fine dusting of taco shell sprinkled on my pants.

And that’s why it’s great when someone actually manages to eats a taco without anything falling out.

Because we didn’t think you could do it.

And you proved us all wrong.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

68 Comments

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68 responses to “#214 Eating a taco without anything falling out

  1. Laura

    ONCE AGAIN — this just happened! This weekend! I was out of town visiting friends and we grabbed some way-late-night Mexican … while some of us went the soft shell route, a couple risked it with hard shell. One of them got a taco that had a shell that was ALREADY BROKEN (total rip off), one of them had tacos that broke as per your description, and one of them scarfed a hard shell taco that was fully in tact until the very last bite. The words uttered, and I quote: “That was AWESOME! This NEVER happens!”

    Confirmed. Awesome. His last couple tacos broke in the typical way, but nothing could ruin his non-broken-taco-shell-high.

    • Was it some kind of magic taco??!! I’ve never been lucky enough to make it through a hard taco shell without it breaking within the first bite.
      And if my taco was already broken when I got it…I would have gotten another one, I want to break it myself.

    • jdurley

      I don’t buy it. This is impossible and never happens.

      • jen325

        Seriously! I think the only way it’s possible is to carefully bite one side of the shell at a time instead of trying to bite through the whole thing at once. But that sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.

        This is why I eat tacos on soft tortillas instead!

        • Start from the top and work your way down instead of starting from an end and working your way through. Its the only way I see how it would work. I’m gonna have to try some different techniques now to see if I can do it.

          • jen325

            That’s a possibility, though it’s never worked for me. The further up you go, the further apart the sides are. That said, I think the top-down method could work if your taco is saucy/greasy enough to let the bottom of the shell soak up a little bit and soften up. This needs to be tested. I think lots of us will be eating tacos this week. FOR SCIENCE! :D

      • Laura

        jdurley, I know. I know. Had I not witnessed it myself, I would be just as dubious. We all had varying degrees of staleness in our taco shells (thanks, TBell, for that), so it’s totally possible that the staleness accounted for its bendiness and allowed the whole taco to be consumed in one piece. No one can fully explain the miracle that occurred that late, late evening … but those of us who were there can’t deny that it happened.

        • jdurley

          Well, it must be true then, because I read on this blog, that this person commenting had seen their friend-from-out-of-town do it, really late at night. That sounds totally legit.

    • I am confused by this entire post.

      Tacos come in hard shells? And what are you all doing eating them this way? :)

      Ok, ok.. here’s the thing.. when all of you come to my place to crash (I forget why this is happening again.. and we were only talking about it last week.. man.. my memory is shot).. we’re going to all go out for some mexican food, and we’ll clarify how this is really done.. delicious tacos, soft corn tortillas.. some carnitas, carne asada, and definitely some fish tacos..

      It definitely will be messy.. But trust me – no one’s taco is going to crack or crunch or break.. :)

    • Oh and Laura, expect to see whatever you do today up on the blog tomorrow since Neil seems to be following you latley.

  2. Casey Coleman

    Your description of this was spot on! It’s so hard to do but when we nail it it’s totally awesome!!!

  3. Nali

    This has probably happened to me ONCE in my life. Haha, but it sis definitely awesome!

  4. Eating a taco without causing career-ending spinal injuries is the impossible dream…

    Or is it “improbable”?

    Screw it, I’ll just eat Nachos. (:

  5. Hungryman

    damn now i’m hungry….. =D

  6. :( this has never happened to me…Damn, should I go to polishing school?
    Love the post again. brilliant!

  7. I don’t usually eat the hard taco shells, but when I do I put them in a bowl and crush them up like a taco salad. I like the soft shell. I fold the bottom in to make sure nothing falls out…kinda like a burrito

  8. Cary

    I’m back (for good this time, I hope).

    Strangely enough, I love when all the fillings fall out of my tacos and burritos, otherwise those chips I get serve barely any purpose (especially with the thimble-sized cup of salsa they give you).

    But I guess I have to agree, eating a taco cleanly is quite the achievement.

  9. Kathy

    If I remember correctly, this only happened to me once in my life. Gee, if I’d known it was a one-off when it happened, I would have celebrated or called someone or something to commemorate the occasion. What’s funny is I always set to my tacos really believing that this time I’ll be able to eat it without breaking it. Talk about being a optimist! Or is that idiot…,LOL?!

    • You’ve done it??!! You are in a very small club of ones that can eat the shell without it breaking

      • Kathy

        Wow, I’m in a small club of elite taco eaters…cool! I’m thinking the rest of you should practice daily so you, too, can join my taco eaters’ club!

  10. I think tacos are a fun food, but I know a guy who got so cheesed off, he haughtily took a taco stand and crisply stated, nobody should have to work so hard to eat a meal! Said, “Tacos cause complete discombobulation, utter frustration and total humiliation; throw one into an utmost state of anxst, confusion and despair; leave one to feel the sort of shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made public,” yes, it’s true people…in a stern, taco smeared bearded face, sauce staining the front of his shirt… in so many sensored and edited words, that’s what he said alright! While everyone else at the table roared with laughter at his seriousness. We’re sensitives though and so, that was the last time hard shell tacos were ever at our home. Wraps and taco salads are not as tastey or as much fun but keeping the peace rules:)

    • *note, although I’m sure somewhere out there, there is one, I had nothing to sing about tacos today*

    • Magda

      More than a little traumatized by a series of “taco experiments” myself. They’ve created a terrifying encounter of something simple that has always been perfectly fine.

      • Hehe…. “cheesed off”.

        Like Nacho cheese. (:

        Now I’m hungry… I’m going to have breakfast! (Yes, breakfast, cause the timestamp that appears above this comment is incredibly incorrect for me.)

        • Nice surprise Magda… like the flowers at your garden gate! I saw a single solitary Mountain Blue-eyed flower today and you crossed my mind. How does your “new” garden grow?

          • lovethebadguy, it just crossed my mind, I don’t believe you’ve ever let on if you’re M or F and so I apologize if I’ve been one-sided in my comments… I apologize!

            • Mmmyes, I’ve always kept it a secret… I like the anonymity that my penname provides…

              MWAHAHAHAHAHAH-cough-AHAHAHAHAHA!

              …Anyhoodley doodley, I don’t think anyone has ever referred to me by “him” or “her”, so there’s never been a problem! (:

              As for whether I’m male or female… Mayhaps I’ll keep that a secret for a little while longer, then one day reveal it in a random comment. It’ll be like a surprise party!

              I am curious though… What do you think I am? Young boy or little girl? Aged man or elderly lady? Hmmm…

              ;o)

  11. jdurley

    Yeah…no.
    This awesome thing is a big fat fake, since it clearly NEVER HAPPENS. Obviously this is just a late April fool’s joke.

    • Lara

      I too am suspicious that anyone has ever accomplished this.

    • Laura

      When you’re being chased by zombies and suddenly find a hidden stash of guns and ammo = real.

      Eating a taco without anything falling out = we’re all a bit skeptical.

      ;D

      It can happen … it has happened … it’s just verrrrrrrrrrry rare.

      • Kathy

        Eating a taco without anything falling out = rare, but not impossible with planning and very careful eating strategies.

        When you’re being chased by zombies and suddenly find a hidden stash of guns and ammo = my AWESOME life’s mission! I’m sure that if just given the opportunity, I could be THE Zombie Eradicator! Don’t worry, I’ll protect everyone on this blog! I’m sure zombies will be somewhere in the top 10 of awesome, doncha think.

        • Lara

          Your life’s mission is to be chased by zombies? I’d prefer to avoid them altogether, but to each their own I guess.

  12. I started following your blog for a recommendation of google reader, and I found it great!
    Then I found out your talk on Ted, and yeah!! You give me a new perspective of everything!
    And now… I pay exclusivelly attention to that small things that make me smile. AWESOMENESS is everywhere!
    Today, its 2 degrees under cero where I live, so I put my scarf on the heater for a while, and then put it around my neck… that was AWESOME, and felt like a warm hug.

    • Jenn

      Your scarf story reminds me of something awesome that happened to me a few years back. My family was on a winter holiday in the Caribbean and of course we were wearing shorts and tank tops and skirts to celebrate it not being cold. One evening we went into a restaurant and it was freezing! Apparently something was wrong with the air conditioning and it wouldn’t stop spewing out cold air. After we sat down, one of the waiters came and offered us tablecloths that had been in the oven to keep us warm. After our eyes had adjusted to the dim light, we realized that everyone else in the restaurant (exept for my dad and one other man) also had green tablecloths around their shoulders! It was very surreal.

  13. Lara

    I don’t like hard taco shells, so I always go the flour tortilla route. It’s just as maddening when the salsa is too runny and you have to try to finish your taco without getting salsa dribbling down your wrist or causing the soggy tortilla to bust open.

    • Jenn

      I hear you. This always seems to happen to me when I eat roti. The other day I had some that had been in the freezer for ages and was obviously runnier for it. My wrap was sitting in a pool of yellow-brown liquid before I’d even touched it. By the end, my plate looked like a very dirty birdbath.

  14. Ok…this new comment box is not working out for me as well as I think it should. Sometimes I cannot reply to anyone. I’ll click on the reply button and type out my comment, but the post comment button is nowhere to be seen.
    It also makes the comment thread a bit uneven(?). Instead of showing the the comment that is a reply underneath the original comment, it looks like it… off a bit. I don’t know how to explain it.
    And now… whenever I post a comment that requires the comment box to scroll while I write, the “guest” and “log in” boxes are in my way and I can’t see what I type.
    hmm………….
    anyone else have a problem like this or is it just me?

    • Lara

      Sometimes when I hit the reply button, it autofills the last comment that I’ve posted so I have to delete it all first. Very strange.

  15. Oh and that guy in the picture seriously looks like my best friends brother

  16. Burritos. Folded up at both ends. Awesome.

  17. Well, since you claimed not to be Frank Abagnale himself, (although bad guys like to move stuff), and I’m pretty sure, (although he smoked and you did cough), they shot Johnny Dilinger up 3oo times plus one just to be sure… then you could very well be one of their son’s.
    In the “aha moment”, it occurred to me, you could be the wife or lover of the individual behind bars in your photo, (M/F also in question), who could really use some food and sunlight. While reading earlier posts, somewhere in the late 800’s, I saw Queen Victoria had commented several times, (wish she would again-she’s funny!), so do suppose you could be one of these fellows mother’s. But then there are times I’m reading something in “awesome” so survivor~spiritual~scholarly and learn the commenter is like 9 or 15, so you could be one of the bad guys children and the reason you had to move so much as a child. “Anyhoodley doodley”, could be an oopsie-daisy that you’re actually an imposter or wanna’ be!I “think” you live in Australia now, but you could’ve been having breakfast for dinner this day, so I’m not really any closer than when I started…oh bother.
    Gottalovethebadguy…good job “Building the mystery.” :)

  18. *this reply was for lovethebadguy above.
    this new system glitches.

  19. I have that very same issue, and stumbled upon a solution while trying to fix it. I made an infographic here:

    http://davidseah.com/2011/06/optimal-taco-ingredient-stacking/

  20. Pingback: Eating excursions episode 1 – Tacos rellenos « Gershom

  21. Sam Langton

    When my family ate Tacos they used to break all the time, then at one meal my Dad couldn’t decide between a soft or hard shell (the hard shells being classic tacos but the soft ones hardly ever breaking) so he decided to put them together. He spread a little sour cream on the soft one and wrapped it around the hard shell and Voila! no more spilling. The sour cream acts like food glue and keeps everything together, so even if the hard shell breaks, you don’t loose all that gooey goodness inside. Food Glue…. AWESOME!

  22. I went to visit my mom Sunday and she made tacos. I was about to go for the soft shell, but then I remembered that I wanted to try to eat a hard shell without it breaking or anything falling out. The only thing that ‘fell’ out was the grease, but it was dripping down my hand by the time I was done. The shell didn’t break and everything stayed in. When I was done, I challenged hubby to do it. He almost made it all the way through, but in the last couple of bites, a big peice broke off and most of the stuff fell out.

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  24. wendy

    As Freddo said in #290, persona cultivation is very important around here! At song loss was really been bothering me! I should’ve known I could trust you tube:

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