#186 When your friends with kids don’t just talk about their kids

Neil Pasricha

We love your kids.

We do, we do, they’re cute, they’re adorable, they’re beautiful little Future You’s who will rule the Earth just fine when we’re all done living. And it’s fantastic they won bronze in high jump,  scored a Wise Man part in the Christmas play, and got an “A” in their VCR Repair course down at the community college.

But can we talk about something else now?

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

69 thoughts to “#186 When your friends with kids don’t just talk about their kids”

  1. I want to send this one to everyone I know who has kids. One friend of ours started showing her baby’s pictures to our waiter at a restaurant, when he didn’t even bring up kids. It was extremely awkward. Not as awkward as the time she told us why her kid’s finger smelled gross. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

  2. Haha! Love that pic!

    But my niece is only three weeks old, so I shall talk about her to all my friends as much as I like. They shall just have to deal with it.

    But in return for their patience, I like to slip in little comments that have no connection to the conversation, just to give them some amusement.

    “She’s so gorgeous; she’s just started smiling, I saw her doing it the other day; I can’t wait until she starts laughing; in 2021 Justin Bieber would be able to join Club 27, so that’s something to look forward to; oh, and we went for a walk with her in her pram the other day, it was so great.”

    1. Ugh, Justin Bieber <.< You should insert random facts instead. 'She's so adorable, her smile is amazing; oh, and did you know that the one millionth digit of pi is a one? …and we took her for a stroll in the sunshine today…'

        1. Justin Bieber, how did you make your way into my house? I tried to keep you out, but somehow your face is on some of my daughter’s shirts and I hear your (girly) voice coming from her radio from time to time. I’m just super glad I have managed to keep posters of you off the wall.

          1. Haha! I’m glad we’re all in agreement here. (…The millionth digit of pi is 1? Huh… Methinks I shall have to add that to my conversations…)

            Also, for any Aussies on here: WHAT THE HELL? Who of you voted for Jack Vidgen for Australia’s Got Talent?! HE’S A BLONDE JUSTIN BIEBER! Why??!!!

            [Rant over]

            1. Not to be “that guy”, but technically, the millionth digit of pi is a 5 (counting the starting 3 as a digit).. However, you are correct if you mean to imply that the millionth digit AFTER the decimal point is a 1..

              What’s that? … Nobody cares?

              Oh.. in that case, carry on.. carry on..

              1. Just means that there’s one more useless fact to insert into conversation, does it not?
                ‘The kids are lovely, and the one millionth AND ONE digit of pi is 1.’

            2. We have a girl that looks like Justin Bieber on America’s Got Talent. Her name escapes me at the moment, but she can sing. Not the best singer, but she can sing. For her audition she sang a song about how she’s not Justin Bieber. It was very funny. When she first came out on stage, all the girls in the audience was jumping up and down and screaming. Crazy.

  3. Yes, I do tend to talk about my kids alot. I’m a very proud mother. But whenever I’m around my best friend, I tend to steer away from the conversation of my kids. Unless of course she talks about her job at a day care, then I throw in a few things about my own. I think its mostly with family that I talk about my little ones.
    I’m not the kind of person that will go on and on and on and on about my children. I do talk about them a lot in my blog, but that’s not really a person on person conversation. I don’t really like to hear other people talk about their kids, their pregnancy, their whatever, so I don’t talk about it. I guess that’s why I don’t really get along with any of hubby’s friends’ wives. That’s all they want to talk about. Kids and partying. Yeah, those two really go together real well, don’t they.

        1. Not the case Freddo. The post is weak in comparison to the usual upbeat nature of the author. Clearly opinions not shared by the regulars here are unwelcome.

        2. No, because this is a place where people are generally positive (undoubtedly one of the reasons people frequent the site), and a negative and useless comment such as “lame.” sticks out like a sore thumb. Opinions contrary to that of the post are certainly welcome, but perhaps you could share your reasons why you feel that way in a constructive manner, as people did when they commented about the use of the word “secretary” in a previous post? Let’s all be nice to each other. :)

    2. You are more than welcome to express your thoughts and feelings on any post, but your choice of words could have been a little better. Saying you don’t agree would sound a whole lot better than saying “lame.” In saying ‘lame’, you’ve come off as kind of disrepectful and rude.

      1. This.

        I can’t speak for others here, but I’ll always respect a difference of opinion as to what constitutes a good post. What I won’t abide, however, is being disrespectful, which is far too common on the internet in general, and is always a goal of mine to try to minimize here in the comments (for this blog of all things, which is intended to be a positive and optimistic look at life!).

        You clearly have a rationale for why you don’t like this post, as you started to go into it above. I’m fairly certain that Neil would love the constructive criticism as a way to make his blog better. If you found this particular post lacking, but love most of his others posts, you certainly have a valuable opinion to add in helping point out why you felt the content/tone/writing/etc. of this particular post was lacking.

        I guess my point is the oft-repeated one by people discussing the internet. Imagine you met Neil in person, and he was showing his posts at, say, a street fair. It is unlikely that if he was standing next to this one, you’d just walk up to him, loudly declare that it was “Lame.”, and slink off. That’d obviously be rude.

        That’s all that I (and I imagine the others above) are trying to discourage. If you hate any and all future posts, I for one would love to hear why.

        1. Now that you mention it . . . I did think that the postings on peach pits could have been a little sweeter to clingstones. :)

          1. LOL!

            You’re right.. they were downright stone-ist.. (like sexist, but with, uh.. stones..)

            Thanks for the laugh.. :P

        2. Sorry for offending anyone here, next time I will be more constructive right out of the gate.

          Posting on a blog/forum is quite different than real life. Every individual post could be seen as sort of a “say what you feel and slink off, only to come back later, or not” kind of scenario, be it “rude” or otherwise.

          This “thing” seems less awesome and more of a response by the author to something in his life which seems to annoy him, now trying to put a sarcastic spin on it to make it funny. This could be done with anything by putting a “not doing this or that” label on it.

          I believe everyone goes on and on talking about subjects of interest to them at one time or another including Neil. To say that NOT talking about this or that ALL THE TIME is awesome feels more bit like a back handed compliment.

          1. Actually it all sounds very aggressive. A place we thought a family could visit and have good clean fun. There is agression here, where there should be zero tolerance and some sure do have their way of making others feel unwelcome.
            We go where we’re appreciated and honored. Going to play with my grandchildren and make some REAL memories.
            DONE.

          2. Scott – personally, I think it’s awesome that you came back and stated your case, which definitely makes me see a different side to the post (or at least how it could be interpreted differently than I described it below).

            And you’re right – posting on a blog IS different from real life, and I guess my trying to make the comparison was a bit of a stretch.. but I know I just feel pretty “protective” of this place. I’ve been commenting here for a long time and I really get a kick out of all the great comments this place generates. And I know the day this comment section turns into the Youtube commen section of 13-year olds insulting each other is the day I’ll never comment here again. So I recognize I can be a bit “reactionary” to what I perceive as the “rude” posts.

            Not sure if Grandpa Gary is including me in their way of making others feel unwelcome – which I’d find terrible.. directly against the sense of community I try to describe above. If that’s the case – I’ve got to rethinks me strategy here, because that’s an unexpected result..

            Again Scott – Thanks.

            1. You know, I don’t know that commenting online IS or SHOULD BE any different than conversing in real life. Too many people use the shield of anonymity to say whatever they please with little regard to how it makes others feel, knowing that there will be no real repercussions for their actions. There was absolutely no disrespect in this post; it’s a simple observation with which many agree/relate. I may not be 100% head-over-heels in love with each post; personally, I just can’t relate to the appropriate choosing of a urinal! ;) There’s nothing wrong with having a respectful disagreement, but there’s certainly no excuse for being hateful over something like an opinion-based blog post. If people responded to someone’s face as they do on some blog comments (not necessarily this one, per se, but in general), I would fully expect that person to get decked in the face for speaking that way to another human being.

              Freddo, you have done nothing but be warm, helpful, encouraging, welcoming, understanding, level-headed, hilarious, thoughtful, heartfelt, (and many other positive, warm-fuzzy descriptions) to the people down here in the commenting community. Thank you for that. :)

          3. I don’t have kids, nor do I want them anytime soon and I would prefer to hear about other topics than just my friend’s kids, but I get what you are saying about the “back handed” compliment. Instead of including the “don’t” part in there it could be easily switched around to say something like, “When your friends with (or without) kids have a variety of conversation topics.” This sounds more positive. This is just an example. Anything with a “no” or “not” or “don’t” can appear so negative. Also, there are people without kids who just don’t have anything great to say, I think that’s probably worse.

  6. I’m in the process of becoming a foster parent, which is the most exciting thing I have going on right now. This is a good reminder that it probably isn’t as exciting to everyone outside of my house!

    1. That’s awesome! You are my new hero, Rachael! All the best with the new addition to your family!

    2. i think your situation is out of the ordinary enough that people will be more understanding and interested, perhaps. ;-) i mean, everyone has their own kids these days. ;p

      1. Rachel, just want to wish you good times with kids in so much need. God Bless you and your family.

  8. Perfectly stated. We LOVE them! We REALLY, REALLY, REALLY do! Seriously, I love kids and am totally interested in my friends’ kids — I want to know how they’re doing, what they’re up to, what milestones they’ve reached, what cute things they’ve said and done recently, etc. But just like with anything, moderation is key. No one wants to hear anyone talk about any one subject too much (unless it’s Nutella … let’s be real, here), and while I have no doubt that a person’s own children are their whole world, there has GOT to be something else to talk about eventually. If all I ever talked about was my job or education reform or home renovations, I’m sure no one would hesitate to tell me to shut up after a while.

    1. +1.

      Exactly how I feel about this post. I see that it’s generating a little controversy down here (which always makes for an exciting day around 1000awesomethings.com), but I really didn’t see any disrespect in the post.

      I love kids. I’m always interested in hearing about my friends’ kids and all their accomplishments. And I am 100% triple sure that when I have kids, will talk about them ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME (and surely break this rule about talking about something else).. but that doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize that other people (almost by definition) won’t find my children as interesting as I do. So I recognize that it’s an awesome thing when we can bring the conversation back to something non-kid related.

  9. When I read this post, I nearly wrote one word :
    HARSH and unsubscribed. I’d a closer look at my judgement; was sad and
    I felt like a fool for my passions.
    This post felt contradictory and hypocritical to the paradigm of Awesome…
    So did Short people and a few others.
    Really though, respecting feelings and opinions is important to peace, and EVERYONE should feel welcome here, not “iced out”.
    We should all hold hands and unite for the good.

    1. I don’t think this post is so much trying to say, “I don’t care about your kids,” as it is trying to say, “I care about YOU.” Parents focus so much energy on their kids that it’s easy to forget about themselves. Hanging out with friends and talking about something else for a change is healthy and necessary. See? It’s a GOOD thing! :)

    2. I always find it puzzling that someone would unsubscribe to a blob because of ONE post they don’t agree with. That seems HARSH. Just like you don’t want to hear someone talk about their politics, religion, jobs or husbands or whatever no one wants to hear about your kids all time. We love them but trust me, they are only *that* interesting to you. We’re friends with you, not your kids.

      1. We can think of many ONE reasons regarding relationship, religion, politics, the human race, especially related to children, to stop exposure. It’s called censoring our world, personal choice and integrity.

  10. I was introduced to this space from TEDx; the place it was said to see and embrace life and the world through the passions of the inner 3 year old. I believe this is what the people- parents/gaurdians and others are being attentive to…so I have to question…where the inner 3 year old stands on this post…
    Is this suggesting editing of inner 3 year old is now in order here too?

  11. It’s a wonderful post! I have a feeling that 1000 awesomethings is about to get a little better :)

  12. I have a new baby and I am sick of talking about her! :) That’s all moms in playgroups want to talk about – babies, babies, babies……………

  13. Given the history, perhaps friends thought they were sharing exactly what was wanted and even new material.
    This sounds offstandish and seems dark in comparison to the usual for sure.
    Now won’t this be in question…what to say next, or if ever.

  14. LOL, now that my kid is a teen, I’m no longer allowed to say anything about her at all. Especially not on Facebook, or in blog comments. So you all are now safe from hearing about any more geekteen exploits.

    1. WHAAAAT???

      NO! That’s no fair! You can’t build her up over the last 814 posts, and then all of a sudden decide to just clam up about her..

      What are her current thoughts on ST:TNG? Is she excited about the Hunger Games movie coming out next year?? (I know I am!!) How has she recently shot down a boy because he wasn’t nerdy enough?

      We demand more Geektween… excuse me.. GeekTEEN stories!

  15. Yeah, I agree with the other posters who said that this seems a little more bitter than usual! But it’s ok, we can all move on from this ;P

  16. I totally talk about my child too much. I’m sick of myself!
    So it is indeed awesome, when I find myself deep in conversation with someone, and children do not come up. I love my daughter more than the world, but sometimes….I need to just remember I’m not just mom, I’m Beth. With opinions, and observations and a personality unto myself.

  17. Hey, I think this is a cool post. Just not maybe as…. upbeat as the others. It’s good to change things up sometimes. Can’t wait to see what number 1 is going to be!

  18. What’s wrong with being proud of your kids? I bet if you had kids you would talk about them too.

    1. Where did he say to not be proud of your kids? You’re reading too much into this.
      Some people with kids only talk about their kids. And as with any subject, if that’s all you talk about, you quickly become extremely boring and a drag.

      If all you have to be proud of is your kids, you have a very sad and one-dimensional life.

  19. Yes, thank you! I love my niece, but I don’t want to hear every single detail about her, and I really don’t find pictures of her on a chair, next to a table, on a couch (and on and on) that interesting.

    I’m amused by some of the comments. If this offends you, how do you get trough life?

  20. I have a 6 week old and am maternity leave. My beautiful boy is my LIFE! I love him ad is doing amazing things but I’m annoying myself by talking about him so much. It bothers me bc I can’t even think of anything else to say at the moment, I’m blaming sleep deprivation. :)
    although this is a slightly different tone than most Awesome posts, I still approve. Completely.

  21. i’m talking about YOUR nephew, YOUR grandson, YOUR cousin, I’m sharing the most the most important thing i’ve done in life with you! sorry i find your knitting boring now, your dog bores me now, your garden, your trip, you!!!! I’m sharing my love with you, and because i have a kid, i appreciate it when others talk about theirs to me. life is ticking , bye

    1. Read the post again. It’s about friends with kids, not family. It was prefaced with “we love your kids”, and it didn’t say, “don’t talk to me about your kids, ever.”

      You’re a dad, and that’s an important and wonderful job. But you may also be a softball player, a fisherman, a Civil War buff, an amateur astronomer, or a football fan. Your friends (and probably your family) like to talk about those parts of you, too.

  22. Yeah I didn’t really enjoy reading this post as much as previous ones, the Awesome at the end sounds sarcastic in a way! Which made me a bit sad! Definitely feels like a bit of a personal rant, than one of a thousand awesome things I’m afraid.

  25. There should be no war here and yet there’s so much hostility.
    Agree, this post is far from Awesome. My dad, mom and siblings did visit here often. Now on the fence. Whether you care or not, consider this, what’s being injected into the world.
    Vive la difference with respect for oneanother and “Give Peace a chance.”

  26. I have made a conscious decision to not have kids, and I’m in my late 30s so that decision is pretty much final now. I like to hear about my friends’ kids (only two of them have any though and I’m Godmother to one), but it seems to me that every new mum thinks she’s the first woman to ever bring a kid into the world!! And then there’s the whole ‘mummy’s club’ that seem to have some sort of private membership!? People need to remember there is life aside from children, kids are too pampered and fussed over these days!

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