#116 Getting the piece of chocolate you want from the assorted box

My first girlfriend may have been an alien.

Sure, she looked normal, she dressed normal, she seemed normal, but she actually liked those oozing cherry-syrup-in-the-middle chocolates from the chocolate box. You know, the ones wrapped in gold foil and stuffed with that bizarre, mutant sugar-cherry that looked like it was drenched in toxic waste, causing it to glow a strange neon red.

Those were her favorite ones!

Clearly, whenever we split a box I always scored my first overall pick: the dream team of strawberries and cream. Yes, I loved those goopy pink innards oozing out like a smacked bug on a hot windshield and I had no shame with diving into the second layer to mine out all the artificially-flavored strawberry in the entire box. (You know you’re sharing with a pro when only one specific chocolate is missing on both levels.)

So what about you! Do you like the thick fudgy ones that get stuck in your teeth like brown-sugar fillings? Do you prefer those squares with the dry flaky white stuff in them, like expired icing sugar? Do you hunt ruthlessly for the one chocolate truffle, get your Vitamin C with orange cream, or just pop the lid off and swipe the rectangle hunk of plain milk chocolate sitting in the middle?

Well, whatever your pleasures, whatever your tastes, we both know it’s a beautiful moment when you score the chocolate you want from the box. After all, nothing’s worse than when your kid brother loses the little index page and you’re forced to play Russian Chocolate with your picks. Except maybe coming across a box completely empty except for the cherry.


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64 responses to “#116 Getting the piece of chocolate you want from the assorted box

  1. “Has it caramel inside?” … *bite* – YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Melodie

    THIS. Only, I’m one of those weird cherry-loving people…best Christmas chocolate selection ever was when someone gave us a box that was 100% chocolate cherries. No one else wanted them… :)

  3. Did anyone else start thinking about Forrest Gump?

  4. I’m definitely only a fan of cherries if they’re on top of my sundae! My favorite chocolate is anything with caramel or hazelnuts in it. Yum.

  5. wendy


  6. Jamil

    Anything with a liquid centre is scary! I go straight for the nut variety!

    As usual great post!!!!

  7. GraceFace

    The best ones have nuts inside them :) Hands down. Or just the plain milk chocolate.
    Oh, those crazy people that like cherries inside their chocolate!

  8. Ginny Weasley

    plain milk chocolate or caramel, I’m always the person who bites into the chocolate, discovers it’s some nasty peach coconut cream combo, spits it out and puts the other half back in the box for my dad, he eats all of them! awesome post, as usual!

  9. i like the coconut ones.
    and all the nutty ones.

  10. Anna

    G-D u r good at this…

  11. Sophie

    Love the fudge ones!

  12. As long as there’s chocolate or caramel in the center, I’m happy. I don’t like to take a big bite and find some coconut or something.

    • erika

      Yes! I only like the chocolate, caramel or nougat ones. It’s so disappointing to bite into a coconut or orange or strawberry cream!

      • I know what you mean. I don’t mind Coconut but for me to enjoy the the orange or strawberry ones I’d have to feel like it and because they’re SO rich I can only eat one. Mmm like in Cadbury’s box of Roses chocolate pack. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUM!

  13. E

    I’m an alien too…I like the cherry ones! Sure, they’re a chemically-engineered cherry but you only live once right? :-)

  14. KrisfromParis!

    Personally, I prefer the Ferrero Rocher chocolates…’cause when you bite in them, you feel like you’re eating Nutella delicacies…the chocolate inside totally melts in your mouth…and then you crunch on a nut….YUM! :)

  15. Laura

    She was for sure an alien … that’s just … just … :(

    I remember my grandpa gave me the first chocolate cherry I’d ever eaten when I was elementary school-aged. I also remember running and spitting it in the toilet. That’s seriously my association with chocolate covered cherries.

    The best chocolates are the ones with carmel, almonds (or pecans or peanuts or hazelnuts, in that order), chocolate, or coconut inside. Although, while I think people who eat the cherry ones are crazy, I think there is an equally strong force of people who hate coconut.

    I like how some of them have a little guide on the top of the box. That way you don’t have to do the frowned-upon-but-everyone-still-sometimes-does-it method of biting in, realizing it’s a scary filling, and putting it back (IF you’re sharing with a loved one who doesn’t mind to eat your rejected candy).

  16. Black Bear

    I thought of Forrest Gump straight away, and this:
    In 2009, I had a memory of a time as a child~ 1969, a neighbor saved my life. I missioned and found him through his mom, in my home town. She said he had lost his family and was battling cancer. I asked her what sort of chocolates he LOVED as I wanted to send only his favorites. Along with a *thank you for saving my life letter* and get well wishes card, I wrote: Life doesn’t have to be like a box of mixed up chocolates. YOU get to dig in and SO deserve every one to be as perfect and sweet as you!
    It’s “almost” never too late to say thank you.
    Amo should have no place in Amoure.
    You can choose an entire box of your favorites, so there are fewer unwanted surprises in life.
    And as for avatars, you can change just one letter in your e-mail and find your e-harmony with your name too!!! Fancy-shmancy that!

  17. jen325

    My favorites are the ones that you think are caramel but when you chew them you realize they’re actually molasses!

    Also awesome: Caramels, chocolate truffles, chocolate covered cherries (the liquid kind or the creamy kind), the fruit-flavored cream ones, toffee, Butterfinger knockoffs, and maple cream if it doesn’t have any nuts in it (which is rare).

    Gross: coconut and that jelly stuff.

  18. Heidi-o

    I love the coconut ones, and they are actually pretty easy to scope out. I also love the fact that you start off thinking you will just eat a few of your favorites and then you look down and half the box is gone :)

  19. jdurley

    Crunchy Frog!

    • Freddo

      Uhhh… Spongey Toad??

      Flaky Iguana??

      Oh.. wait.. never mind.. Wiki came to the rescue..

      Carry on..

      • jdurley

        lol, “lightly killed…”
        My family has nicknamed those horrible chocolate-covered ginger squares “Crunchy Frog” after we received a box of the Laura Secord variety one Christmas. It was one of those “pre-wrapped” boxes, and I’m sure the gift-giver thought it was an assortment. There was no “map” inside, so we dove in, only to find we had all bitten into some green, gelatinous horror that was rapidly spit out into the nearest napkin. Then my brother quips, “what is this, Crunchy Frog?” after which of course we launched into a recitation of the sketch. So beware, people, when purchasing those pre-wrapped “assortments” lest you mistakenly give a box of Crunchy Frog.

  20. Kathy

    I usually avoid the mixed boxes of candy as too often I have taken a bite of one only to find that it’s a nasty, awful cherry or some other gross kind. Even though I love coconut or nut filling, those mixed variety boxes always seem to have crappy coconut and stale nuts. I’m very candy-picky. Now, I just stick with packages of what I really want in the first place (Lindor chocolate truffle balls!) or go to the candy shop and pick out exactly what I want. Yummy!

    • Kathy

      My ex-hub loved those chocolate covered cherries; he used to eat entire boxes of them at xmas. I’m sure he was an alien, too. I should’ve seen that as a red flag. sigh.

      • Black Bear

        Now Kathy, that’s TWO too many “should’s” in one week!
        Has nobody told you it’s not nice to should on yourself?
        Well, you’ve been told now in the most well-meaning way.
        I’ll be watching^.^

  21. Elysa

    bestest = white chocolate, milk chocolate / cashews / caramel (turtles), and anything coffee flavored

    gross = coconut and chocolate covered cherries. just sayin.

    yummmmmm….. holiday season = boxes of random candy lying around EVERYWHERE. Life is good.

  22. Emeeekay

    I love all the buttercream ones – strawberry, resperry, orange, lemon, vanilla. Mmmmmm.

  23. erika

    Caramel/toffee are my favorite and they are almost always rectangle shaped and in the corners of the box.

  24. JT

    I like the strawberry or orange and cream ones but really, I’d take any piece. I love chocolate. Sometimes, if I have a small box all to myself, I eat them in halves. Ruins the surprise but sometimes I just want to know =)

  25. Magda

    Chocolate caliente con nata. It’s a cup real chocolate heated and blended with pure cream. mmmm!

  26. Nicholas

    Swimming against the current here, but I like the cherry ones. Truffles hands down my favs though.

    I actually have a box of chocolates waiting to be opened at my desk. I was going to do it next week, but after this article I think that today is the day :)

  27. You feel like a god when you get it right, don’t you?

  28. Pingback: Assorted Chocolate Bars Boxes

  29. Another Alien checking in. Chocolate Cherries are my favorite too. Next up anything with caramel and nuts.

  30. woo

    i love the seahorse and seashell chocolates. YEAH!

  31. Ads

    And the best is Dark Chocolate…
    Late night, you feel a desperate chocoholic attack coming up as if you’re Nigella Lawson and then realise you had that one last dark chocolate nutty bar in your fridge waiting for you…for just the right moment…

  32. rua

    everythings awesome

  33. I can so relate to this! I love it when I manage to grab the chocolate I want from an assorted gift box before everyone else jumps in!

  34. Kevin (STA)

    lol then ur very Lucky :)

  35. annieartist

    My favorite are the ones from Haven’s Candies… is that company all over the country, or is it only where I live (Maine)?

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