#84 Ripping your present open like a wild animal

First, some apologies.

We’re sorry, Endurance Wrapper. You spent thirty minutes getting the present just right with your scissor-frilled ribbons, crisply folded corners, and those adorable little bows. You put time in and we didn’t respect that with your raccoon-with-rabies slaughtering of your gift.

We’re sorry, Auntie Paper Collector. We know you quietly keep all the discarded bows and paper to fold back into little piles for next year. Nobody minds the creased sun-faded reindeer wrapping paper because we know you’re saving money and the planet. But this time we didn’t leave you with much. Unless you’re collecting saliva-smeared scraps, squashed boxes, and torn bows.

We’re sorry, Garbage Collecting Dad. We see you trudging around the living room with the World’s Lightest Garbage Bag, scooping up all the tiny bits of tissue paper and sticky ripped price tags. We know your job would be a lot easier if all presents moved to a Gift Bag Only Policy.

We are very, very sorry to you all.

And now that we’ve apologized our conscience is clear.

Because the truth is we love ripping presents open like a drugged-up reindeer.


Thank you for makingĀ The Book of Awesome #1 on the bestseller list for the 20th straight month!

Photos from: here and here

25 thoughts on “#84 Ripping your present open like a wild animal

    1. Ripping things in general is great. Hey, what should I do with this magazine subscription renewal form that needs to go in the recycling bin? If you said furiously rip it to teeny shreds, you’re right!

    1. Ha ha, totally, Caroline. Other signs you’re old while opening presents: You keep all the bows in a little pile for safe keeping and you are secretly excited when nobody writes in that little card thingie hanging on the gift bags, because it means it’s easier to use it again.

  1. It was a toddler’s first Christmas~Somebody had to do it! And we feel ecstatically blessed it was us!
    As he approached our gift, (we all agreed to save for last), he crouched down to a dime-size-paper-hole which caught his eye for a split-second-peek. Then AS quickly, his *train* of thought seemed to say, “That’ll do the trick,” he started to tear and fling paper everywhere! And it was *Toot-toot*, Thomas Train riding toy, AWESOME!

  2. I opened my presents like this for Christmas this year.
    And my very favorite one was the Book of Awesome.
    Thanks for the smiles, Neil. I read it every morning before getting up.
    Another Awesome thing about Christmas is using the old wrapping paper in snowball fights and snowman-making on a green Christmas. Totally and inexplicably awesome.

  3. I am always the one rips my present open really fast like a wild animal in my family. Everyone else goes really slow, which I think is weird!

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