#897 A pack of matches on the back of the toilet

Not gonna work

Air fresheners don’t work.

They just make the bathroom smell like someone cracked a bottle of Chanel 5 open like an egg and poured it on top of a hot and steamy garbage dump. Air fresheners don’t so much solve bathroom pollution as they do call attention to it.

And ceiling fans have another issue — basically, they work really, really slowly. You drop a plop in two minutes, they slowly and calmly breeze it away in twenty-five. I mean, if you’ve ever heard anyone ask “Is it safe to go in there yet?”, then there’s your proof.

Finally, don’t even get me started on opening a window. First off, depending on the weather outside, windows really freeze up or heat up the joint. Not great for the environment if your A/C has to kick into overdrive. Plus, somebody has to go around later and close that window back up. Too much maintenance, really.

Instant stink removal

Yes, there’s really only one failsafe way to get rid of the stink in a bathroom. Only one powerful weapon against the onslaught of toilet odor. Only one time-tested method to destinkify the can. And friends, that powerful weapon is … the simple match.

That’s right: a match is cheap, convenient, and effective. Light it up, blow it out, flush it away, and you’re laughing. And isn’t it comforting when you see one on your friend’s toilet when you need to slip away from the dinner party to ‘go wash your hands’?

That’s right. You’ve been there before, you’ve played the game. You’ve waged the wars, you’ve tamed the flame. And you realize that a pack of matches on the back of the toilet is just so simply


Now just blow it up and flush away the evidence

Photos from: here, here and here

16 thoughts on “#897 A pack of matches on the back of the toilet

  1. I’ve never seen a pack of matches on the back of a toilet in person, but I have seen it in some movies. Which of course usually ends up with someone burning the bathroom down or the house. I’ll keep my eye out though.

    1. Can’t say I’ve ever seen it either, Bekah. I never even knew about it ’til I was an adult and heard it on some TV show or something. Have to agree about the air fresheners, though because they actually make it worse to me! Nothing like breathing in artificial roses and stink…YUCK!

  2. My elementary school friend’s family did this match trick. I’m not a huge fan. It may disguise the odor but it still send the message “I stunk this place up so badly I had to make fire.” I guess in absence of a nice scented-spray-and-fan combo, a match will work.

  3. Never seen the box of matches on the top of the loo.
    But I’m sure if I left any there, any smells they were meant to disguise would be preferable to the remarks I got from my son and my son in law would make about the possibilities of striking a match.
    We have a fan. I encourage people to use it.

  4. We have Febreeze linen scent in our bathrooms. It does get the stink out, but you can only use one tiny spray, or you’ll be smelling it for the rest of the day. It’s still a dead give-a-way though. Why else would a bathroom smell like freshly washed/dried laundry? My three year old even knows what clean laundry smell in the bathroom means – Daddy’s been in there.

    1. My grandma has that stuff in her bathroom and everytime my daughter goes in there, she has to spary the whole room which fills the entire house as soon as she opens the door.

  5. I’ve never seen this before. It seems like a fire hazard, or something. I want to try this one day, though. It just seems so simple. I want to see if it actually works.

  6. My grandparents always kept matches in the bathroom of their country house. Considering that when we visited it could be 7 people sharing one bathroom, I’d say it was a very wise choice and one that worked extremely well. Yes, it was a clear giveaway of what was going on but it made for good fun family teasing. I’m 38 so this is going back between 20 – 30+ years

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