#809 New Socks Day

Don't tell me this doesn't excite you

Alright, let’s break it down.

New Socks Day is great for four big reasons:

1. Treat for your feet. Face it, your feet got it bad. Big toes get stubbed, dry skin gets rubbed, and bunions grow on your baby toe. Squeeze those caked and cracked pita-bread heels into tight shoes all day and you’ll soon agree: Your feet deserve to be treated like royalty. On New Socks Day, feet aren’t just forgotten warriors clad in an unprotective armor of toe-knuckle hair, bulging veins, and dry skin. No, they rise into king and queens — lovingly cloaked in royal gowns, bathed softly in soft cotton, and tenderly hugged in fresh factory fabric.

Hard and crackly

2. The Slip n’ Slide. New socks grease your feet and let you move with reckless abandon across the hardwood floors of this great land.

3. High-Quality Toe Jam. What’s more gratifying that painstakingly picking out massive chunks of toe jam at the end of New Socks Day? When I do the deed, I pretend I’m a top-notch surgeon in baby-blue scrubs, leaning over a sliced-open stomach in the middle of a high-stakes surgery and then, in a dramatic moment, I just start lifting out these bloody pliers again and again, yanking out glass shard after glass shard, as everybody in the viewing gallery jumps to their feet and erupts in cheers. Could just be me, though.

Time to dig for toe jam

4. Clean Dream. Sure, today your socks may be bright white, but we both know they’ll never be this clean again. Tiny holes will grow, heels will brown or yellow, and the elastic will fray and rip away. One day you’ll hold a sock from the dryer up in front of your face and actually wonder if it’s clean or dirty. That’s when the Clean Dream is over and it’s time to go shopping and start again.

So next time you slowly peel on a fresh pair of socks, just smile because you know you’re in for a great New Socks Day.


Toe Jam Heaven?

Photos from: here, here, here, and here


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13 responses to “#809 New Socks Day

  1. About three years ago, I couldn’t think of a New Year’s Resolution and so, after an earlier conversation, a friend piped up with, “Your Resolution is to buy a pair of rainbow toe socks. You can’t not own a pair of rainbow toe socks at least once in your life.”

    And indeed, I resolved to do so, and soon after was the proud owner of a pair of rainbow toe socks, just like in that last panel.

    And my God, were they uncomfortable.

    New socks are the best, but I’ll stick to my regular non-glove-like pairs…

    • Ehan

      Toe socks weird me and my toes out too! If you like colorful socks, but don’t want the toes, there’s plenty of other alternatives. These guys have a bunch of weird designs: Funky Socks, as well as SITM.

    • klalota

      BTW, great New Year’s resolution, Bad Guy! That’s my kind of resolution…the easy to fulfill and be successful kind! :)

      • Everyone should really own a pair of rainbow toe socks at least once. I had a few pair back in high school and I found them again as I was digging through some of my old stuff!

        • Wendy

          ONLY once! No room to breathe and I couldn’t figure out where to administer asthma puffer! They were expensive and my little piggies are crawling just at the thought!!!
          But very pretty to look at:)

  2. klalota

    Yeah, I had a pair of rainbow toe socks way back when during their heyday (think it was right around the time of the pet rock…LOL ), but you’re right: they’re doggone uncomfortable! No foot gloves for me either!

    The best new socks are the puffy, soft, fluffy kind, especially great in winter. Mmmmm…I have a pair on today to greet our last snowfall of the season!

  3. I’ve grown to be just a bit picky about my socks. They have to be 100% cotton and ankle high now. I used to not care what color or size they were and I would just miss match them all the time. Most of my socks are white now. Not very exciting really. I only get new socks when I my old ones get holes in them and I don’t have enough to wear throughout the week.
    My best friend though…man she is addicted to socks. She loves socks and buys them all the time. I used to be like that…. back in the day. A new pair of socks was all it took to make me happy.

  4. Pam

    I love this! This reminds me of a lady I work with who said that if she won the lottery, she would be enough socks so that she would never have to wear a pair more than once because they never feel the same after washing them haha

  5. Max

    I want rainbow socks! Not toe-socks though, they look uncomfortable and a lot of people seem to say that they are. I’ve always wanted stripy socks, but socks have never really been a top priority in my life, so I have yet to get some.

  6. wendy

    It’s a great way to bring in the spring! NEW SOCKS!!

  7. Literally love socks! I always get them for Christmas :D And the feeling of the first time you put one on is amazing…

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