Slides used to be dangerous.
After climbing up those sandy, metal crosstrax steps you got to the top and stared down at that steep ride below. The slide was burning hot to the touch, a stovetop set to high all day under the summer sun, just waiting to greet the underside of your legs with first-degree burns as you enjoyed the ride. It also smelled like hot pee, years of nervous children with leaky diapers permanently marking it as their territory. Lastly, to top it all off, there were no cute plastic siderails or encapsulated tube-slides, which meant that if you went too fast or aimed your legs poorly, your shoes would grip-skid on the metal, and you’d spill over the side, landing face down with a sickening thud in a bed of pebbles, cigarette butts, and milk thistles.
It wasn’t just slides, either. Everything in the playground was more dangerous. And they were different and unique, seemingly put together by the neighborhood handymen who in a burst of creative energy one Saturday morning emptied their garages of old tires, 2x4s, and chains and just nailed it all together.
There were wooden tightrope beams suspended high in the air, daring the confident, athletic kids to attempt a slow, heart-pounding highwire walk while other kids encouragingly showered them with handfuls of sand and pine cones.
There were fire poles two stories high — just a cheap, simple pole planted deep in the ground. It was popular, and educational too, quietly introducing children to concepts like gravity, friction, and badly sprained ankles. There was a certain Fire Pole Form too, a kind of arms-on, cross-legged-spider-wrap maneuver that was both awkward and majestic at the same time.
And of course, there was my favorite — the Big Spinner, also known as a Merry-Go-Round, but not the kind with lights and plastic horses going up and down. This was just a giant metal circle that laid about a foot off the ground and could be spun, usually by someone standing beside it. If you were lucky you’d get a pile of kids on there and somebody’s mom or dad would kindly whip you into a World of Unimaginable Dizziness. A couple kids would fly off from the G-forces but most would hang on, teeth gritted, eyes squinted, cheeks flapping wildly against the wind, until the Big Spinner reluctantly came to a slow stop and finally let you off. Then you’d all walk away in different directions, some kids hitting tree trunks head on, others falling down nearby hills.
These days those classic playgrounds sure are hard to come by.
Everything is plastic now — unaffected by temperature, easy to disinfect, and bendable into all kinds of Safe-T-Shapes, the sharp, rusty nail heads of yesterday replaced with non-toxic washable adhesives poured from a cauldron of polymers and Purell. Now not only are our kids getting lame baby-approved fun, but just think what we’re doing to the tetanus shot industry.
Seriously though, new playgrounds sure are terrible. This guy agrees. They say that playgrounds have gotten too safe and become so sterile and boring that kids just walk away from them, preferring instead to hang out in the weeds by the railroad tracks or throw bottles in the alley behind the pizza place. Kids could actually be placed in more danger by these lame plastic netherworlds that encourage more video game time instead of fresh air and bruising. Another blow to childhood struck by overprotective parents and pesky lawsuits.
Well, we can’t change the world, so let’s just enjoy the good news: old, fun, dangerous playgrounds are not completely extinct. Yes, the Safety Conglomerate hasn’t killed all the buzz with their rocking horses two inches off the ground, pillowy-soft imitation sand, and stationary, bolted-on steering wheels. Old, dangerous playground equipment can still be found. They’re out there.
So please — when you find monkey bars taunting you from ten feet off the ground, extended see-saws that allow for maximum elevation, and rickety, sagging rope bridges with planks missing, please, run around like crazy, bump your head a few times, and twist your ankle. Because tell me something– is there anything quite like it?
AWESOME!
This post is in The Book of Awesome
Illustration from: here
I wonder if playgrounds will vanish altogether and in the future we will have virtual ones while the kids are safely strapped in a chair and just see 3D renderings of what it used to be. An avatar will demonstrate why we had to get rid of them. But remember this is for “their safety”.
Good God—don’t give them any ideas. A better idea would be to put everyone’s precious little brats into a giant bubble until they’re 40 so they don’t hurt themselves on anything…
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I am SO glad I grew up with all these “dangerous” playground toys. Kids are pussies because their stupid parents are even bigger pussies and can’t let “widdle pwecious” bump him widdle head or skin him widdle knee……BARF. Kids need a good kick in the ass and some toughening up on some REAL playground toys—I’m sick of seeing all of the parks with rubber tire filings and wood chips instead of good ol’ dirt, gravel or asphalt, ’cause God forbid anyone yell “lawsuit” on account of someone breaking a tooth or something. Toughen up, wusses.
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I miss the super high swings in the Chicago parks. Kids will never know the exhilarating feeling of flying high seven feet off the ground. Several bad incidents ruin it for the rest. Attorneys and lawsuits run the country now. So sad.
I think that the way to fight obesity is to bring back the old playgrounds! What kid in their right mind would want to pretend to do death-defying acts in a video game when they could go outside and run wild on this equipment? Having played on both, I am all for the slick metal slides and merry-go-rounds.
The only truly dangerous piece of playground equipment was the jungle gym. So many kids got so badly hurt and even died falling off of them that they simply had to go. Merry go rounds and seesaws and monkey bars are not especially dangerous. All playgrounds should still have them. It is completely insane that they have been banned in some places. Sure, some minor injuries have happened. Kids can get hurt just falling out of bed. Should we require helmets and two inches of padding on their floors just in case? Seriously, where does it end?
I would like to see one…just one responsible person say that lawsuits are to blame for the total removal of risk from playgrounds. Maybe a playground designer said it? I’d love to see the quote. Maybe a school administrator said it? Again, the source citation would be nice, and a necessary part of reporting (almost said journalism…but Congress says that Bloggers aren’t journalists…oh they are SO behind the times). maybe there was a former chairman of the CPSC who said it? Where do these unproven allegations come from? Did a lawyer say it? Who said it?!?!?! I know it’s happening, but who pinned it on law suits?
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I may not be that old but I for 1 enjoy some of the 80’s and 90’s super tall plasticy tube slides. where by the time you got to the bottom you didnt know which direction you were facing, and if you were lucky, there would be someone standing at the bottom that you could transfer the static electricity to. SHOCKING! good times! The giaganic merry go rounds that you could fit upwards of 100 kids on were probably the coolest thing i remember as a kid ah those were the days…
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Ha, I used to *hate* those old merry-go-rounds! They were the worst! Everything else was pretty awesome, though. I wonder if kids are less tough than they used to be back when there was a real threat of getting serious injury on the playground.
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In 1971-73, there was a unique type of park swing installed at a park in Petaluma, Calif. near where many of us went to high school, and this story tells how our gang of mostly high schoolers used a certain swing.
We did not know what it’ real name was, but we called it a T-Swing because that’s what it looked like:
– One heavy vertical post in the center, reaching about 14 feet high
– One horizontal, spring-loaded, support cross arm for the top of the “T” that both flexed a bit like a teeter-totter and rotated in circles around the main vertical post.
– Two swings hanging at either ends of the “T”
– All designed so the swings could, I guess, “gently” rotate around the center post.
We never did figure out how it was supposed to be used but I’m pretty sure we did NOT use it as designed.
It was the most awesome swing ever, at least the way we used it.
– We put a beloved victim in one swing, and just had her sit there.
– We assured her of her safety – because normally, she already doubted it.
– Then a runner, put his stomach into the seat of the other swing and went to the center post, grabbed a hold of the post and started pulling the swing around the it, which spun the beloved victim around at increasing speed.
– When the runner got her going pretty fast (as judged by the degree of distress noises she emitted) the runner would let go of the center post and run, with the swing still in his stomach, as far from the post as he could get in few seconds because, when the flying beloved victim caught up with him, all that energy of her flying momentum was immediately transferred from her to the runner and he really took off, sometimes obtaining an almost parallel flight pattern to the ground.
– The victim, now with no momentum, almost stopped and could be excused for thinking the ride was over, but then the in- flight runner-now flyer, caught up with her and the great transfer of momentum happened again.
– She normally started screaming at this point and launched to almost match her original speed while the runner dropped to a near stop.
– The acceleration was really surprisingly fast and this transfer of energy went back and forth several times until everything slowed and stopped or…
– The runner got back to the post before the beloved victim could jump free and run away to safety and started the whole process over again, because once the runner started to circle the center post, the beloved victim was too high for a safe jump to freedom.
– For most of us, about 3 cycles left both the runner and beloved victim dazed and out of breath. Some of us runners were threatened with terrible sounding types of revenge by beloved victims if we did not stop and let them get off.
After only a few years – it disappeared for some reason.
So the question is: does anyone else recall that wonderful device and what it was really called?
Better yet, does anyone know how it was supposed to be used because I doubt the designers intended our use for the grammar school set and even then I doubt those who insure park equipment would ever have allowed it if they saw how we used it.
We never actually saw anyone hurt on the T-swing, but several got really close to showing us the status of the last meal they had eaten, but for the survivors – it created some great memories.
If you know what the name of this wonderful device was (is?), please post it and if you know how it was supposed to be used, my old gang would love to hear it.
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Old and dangerous playground equiptment is hilarious! I just descovered this site. How about inside dangerous toys like the clacker. Two glass balls on either end of a rope. What a blast!, right up till the eyeball gets it.
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