My old roommate Joey had a theory about names.
“Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my personal identity be chosen by somebody else? Sure, you’d have a lot of six-year-olds named Superman, but we’d consider it a placeholder until they changed it to reflect their personality.”
He then sealed his airtight argument with a giant belch that filled the room with the smell of midnight gyros and we didn’t talk about it again.
Until now.
It’s been a few years, but I’m starting to wonder if Joey had a point there somewhere. Parents pick your name for you, and sometimes they come up with pretty strange ideas. But is there anything wrong with unique names? Well, maybe, maybe not. For thought-provoking discussion, let’s ask these celebrities:
10. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Apple. There’s something a little ripe about naming your kid after a piece of fruit. Just ask my friend Pear Rodriguez.
9. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science. Says the actress from
A Knight’s Tale in an
interview: “We wanted a word, not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.” Hey, I guess that works. And maybe one day the little slugger will grow up to be a high-end amplifier. Ba-dum-
ching!
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8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.
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7. David and Victoria Beckham – Brooklyn and Ashlee Simpson – Bronx. Now, Bronx is a standalone and the plus side of Brooklyn is that it’s easily split into both Brook and Lyn, making both slightly better choices than Staten Island.
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6. George Foreman – George, George, George, George, and George. The Grillman’s kids don’t have strange names, but they do all have the same one. Big George differentiates by number and has also given each a nickname: Monk, Red, Joe, Little George, and Big Wheel.
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5. The Edge – Blue Angel. I guess Lisa, Jennifer, and Sue are automatically out if your name starts with The.
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4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.
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3. Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor. Jason says he got the name from a Grandaddy song he likes called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot.” That explains the Pilot part, anyway. As for Inspektor, we can only assume he was trying to differentiate from all the kids named Inspector.
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2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.
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1. Frank Zappa – Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Now I can’t be the only person out there who wants to be called Dweezil. Which Zappa would you be?
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Well hey, listen, obviously baby names are getting more creative and celebrities are once again leading the charge. So do you agree with Joey and think we should all just pick our own then? Or do you think these names are beautiful and we should be happy getting what we got?
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All I’m going to say is the jury’s still out, but if you’ve got a name you like, a name that fits you and you fit, then give three cheers and call your folks. After all, they had to make a big pick without you. And if they nailed it, make sure you give them a hug and let them know you’re digging the you-you.
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Parents of the world, naming your newbie seems like a tough gig. For giving it thought and pulling it off so your kids grow old and love what they got, well today we call you
.
AWESOME!
Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here
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I used to collect interesting names:
Female (pronounced Fa-mall-ee)
Baby Thomas
Poppy Quattalbaum
Putrice (probably should have been Patrice, but it was typed when I saw it, so it’s not a case of bad hand writing)
Sumner Starrfield (an astronomer)
Best of all, I was named after my grandfather. My parents chose my maternal grandfather’s name, Kenneth Daniel, instead of my father’s father – Horace Louie. I (and my wife) are forever grateful.
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Just found your blog (thanks, HuffPost.) I think the best baby name ever is Erykah Badu’s daughter, Puma. I so want one of my sons to marry her, just so I can say, “This is my daughter-in-law, Puma Badu.” God, I love that name. It’s badass.
I once knew a lady named Autumn Moonshine & named her daughter Sailor Moon. Odd namers gotta stick together, I guess?
There was a couple in New Zealand where called their twins Benson and Hedges after the cigarettes!!
I personally know twin boys named Concrete and Asphalt, and recently learned that they have a new baby brother, Brick.
That is not cool, man. Asphalt is going t get hazed as soon as people drop the “Phalt” part of his name and just call him “Ass” Which will be in about third grade.
Well i used to hate my name Zosia (pronounced Zoh-sha (it’s polish)) but now i sorta like it. Apart from when new teachers call me Zo-see-ah for about 2 weeks until they finally learn it. although its ok coz when the teacher calls out the roll the whole class is quick to correct them saying “Zoh-sha!” and i just put my hand up when she looks for me. that is a pretty cool feeling :)
My dad is a school principal so he sees lots of crazy names. The best ones are a brother and sister named Chaos and Havoc. Never were there two more apt names.
At least celebrities can get away with it. I know people in my neighborhood who didn’t realize it’s different for normal folks. They’ll regret their choices when schoolmates won’t stop teasing poor Strider and Allura.
You know, this post makes a good case for a future post about outrageous black names. (I’m black too, so no hate mail, please! Ha!)
For example: my coworker has three cousins (all from the same family) named, respectively, ZaRocka, ZaRonda, and Teneka-Wakeshia-TaTa-Taneshia. (That last one is a single name for ONE girl. NO LIE!)
She also has an acquaintance named D.Y.Kesia Pearl. (Her first name is pronounced “dee-wy-KEE-see-uh”)
Also, on Youtube: Top 60 Ghetto Names.
Enjoy!
wow these are … unique. my parents were going to call me Kaylee, but then they seen a little girl with the same name get tossed out a window by her parents on the news… don’t worry, she ended up being fine, but my parents went with Amie instead lol
All of those names are still better than my friend’s, Chlamidia.
Hey, and then I enjoy Ellen Pompeo’s daughter’s name Stella Luna. Although it’s a first middle combo as far as I can tell. And Stella’s actually a good name in the first place. I just think it’s kinda cute/adorable/funny/awesome that there’s of course the kids book Stellaluna.
WELL DONE NEIL! And Neil’s parent’s, for Neil’s name!
I have a friend who loves Alice Cooper and he named his son Alice.
Alice is now graduated; a very handsome and strong young man.
I also know someone who named their daughter Piper and after months of “noisy piping”, changed her name. I think it’s Melodi or Harmony now. Actually I don’t really remember but I think those would serve well!
I LOVE Gyro’s…and come to think of it, that would be a pretty funky, fun and fabulous name, I think Awesome!
:)
Its pretty interesting that the mainstream media has changed the way it looks at this recently dont you think? What used to neve be brought up or discussed has changed. Frankly it is about time we see a change.
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I agree with your #784 Celebrity baby names | 1000 Awesome Things, superb post.
Definitely my favorite so far! I love this app so much :,)
While my name isn’t exactly ‘unusual’ I’ve still only met one other person who shared it. Most of the time I don’t even notice and actually like it a lot, but frequent mispronunciations, mispellings or asking where the name came from can get on the nerves. The worst thing as a kid was never being able to find a pen or keyring with my name on it at the newsagents, haha.
I’ve also got an Elfleda (pronounced Elf-leader), Philippe Lionheart and Henri Auguste in the immediate family. Again, not too strange but enough to stand out.
Celebrity kids’ names make me glad to have a relatively normal name. Sure, most people can’t spell it as it was given, but I guess I can’t complain as there is an easily spellable English equivalent. On the other hand, my mum went on from being one of several girls with the same name growing up (she had 3 best friends with the same name as her when at school…introducing themselves was like a joke every time heheh), but now in a different country hers is a name nobody knows how to spell or pronounce. Hopefully if I have kids they’ll get names that reflect their heritage but aren’t impossible or just plain ugly in English, and won’t single them out as ‘that weirdo whose name nobody can pronounce’… Though it’s not the worst thing that can happen to you. Having said that, knowing I’m the only person in the world with my name (rare for my ethnicity, nonexistant elsewhere, googling only brings up first degree relatives) does make one rather self-conscious. I think folks with common names don’t appreciate their comfortable relative anonymity enough!
Giving your child a weird name to make them stand out.!!!!….so does the name Shitforbrains which is what the parents should change their name to. Completely asinine….oh but the celebrities do it so lets all be little clones.
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