Trick-or-treating ain’t no game.
No, it’s a life lesson in goal-setting, planning, and tactical execution. Kids who master trick-or-treating go on to become successful world leaders. Kids who don’t could possibly also do the same, but with less chocolate to show for it. The point is that chocolate is delicious, and you should fill your pillowcase with as much of it as possible. You just have to master the 4 Rules Of Strategic Trick-Or-Treating first:
4. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. In terms of where to go trick-or-treating, there’s always a lot of chatter about getting a drive over to the rich neighborhood for the big score. People would have you believe that the rich enjoy lavishing children with unopened boxes of twinkies and full cases of root beer. But that’s a lie! Rich people got rich by being cheap and their massive front yards will just slow you down. That’s right, you’ll be navigating wrought-iron fences, duck-shaped hedges, and koi ponds instead of ringing doorbells. Instead, aim for the new neighborhood with little kids and the all-important densely packed homes.
3. Dress for success. Trick-or-treating is a race against the clock, so set yourself up for success by wearing running shoes and avoiding masks that affect your visibility. No ballet slippers, high heels, or sandals. No robes, capes, or togas. And none of those cheap plastic masks from the dollar store that attach with a thin elastic and a couple of staples. Basically, keep simplifying your costume and then timing yourself running up and down the basement stairs until you’ve found a winner. If in doubt, go as Carl Lewis.
2. Partner up. It will be tempting to form a trick-or-treating posse and move from door to door as one big, shifty amoeba of fluorescent tape and facepaint. Resist that temptation. The amoeba will cause two problems: first, the group will travel at the speed of the slowest member. That means one kid with flat feet and asthma ruins everyone’s night. Secondly, a big group triggers the rationing instinct in the person handing out candy. They become overwhelmed and default to the “One for you, one for you” candy-for-everyone technique. You don’t want that. So instead, you need to pick one partner. Qualifications for that lucky someone include a low resting heart rate, winning smile, and really cute costume. The last one is key. The costume must trigger the “Aren’t you adorable!” reflex, which inspires extra candy. The gold standard here is a fit toddler in a ladybug costume with new Reeboks.
1. Timing is everything. The last rule is all about the three key stages of Halloween candy collecting. Times may vary depending where you’re from, but they go something like this:
- The 4 – 6pm Start Up: You must be very active and running around here, before the street gets too busy. This is your time to hit the houses at the peak of their inventory levels, when they may hand out more because of excess supply or poor foresight.
- The 6 – 7pm Rest Up: This is when the streets are their busiest. Don’t get caught in other people’s amoebas. Now’s the time to go home and dump out the pillowcase and refresh the face paint. Also, it’s a good time to hit your local fast-food joints. McDonald’s is usually pretty generous.
The 7 – 9pm Clean Up: Now it’s all about picking up the scraps. Some houses will be left with too much candy and they’ll start giving handfuls instead of fingerfuls. Others will feel guilty about running out and start handing out creative treats from their kitchen like cups of pudding or boxes of Jello powder. The Clean Up stage is a real test of your cardio fitness levels, as many houses will have turned out their lights by now, forcing you to zig-zag the street in search of the remaining bounty.
Now that you’ve got a game plan, just remember to keep it clean out there. Under cover of night and camouflage facepaint some folks venture into the murky trick-or-treating ethical gray zone. Stay away from these folks, because while they’re telling people it’s their birthday too, collecting a second bag for a ‘sick sibling at home’, or body-checking toddlers into bushes on their way up the walk, you can rest knowing that you came out to play by the rules.
And you won.
AWESOME!
Amen. All of the planning became worth it when you came home with the best candy :-)
http://lettersfromboston.com
creating a plan and following ..is the name of the game….
I think the boy in photo #1 is, “Feeling it in his bones”…:)
I think this is mini-Neil, in cognito~ anybody else?!*
This made me crave Halloween so much. I really, really love Halloween! It’s, like, maybe my second favorite holiday. I’m not sure. It’s sort of tied with Christmas. I like them both. Anyway, despite my love of Halloween, I never realized that there was so much strategie involved. Maybe I just never took it seriously enough. I mostly just loved walking in a spooky costume and looking at everyone’s decorations and things. Candy was just an added bonus. I guess I need to start taking candy more seriously.
Candy is serious business, Max. Its free candy. How can you beat that?
I love Halloween too- and Christmas. I tend to go a little over board with both holidays. Although I haven’t dressed up in 4 years, the spirit of it all is still there.
Great reminder of childhood! The suggestions to avoid the wealthier areas are true mostly, except for one house in my neighborhood. We lived in an average area, but there was this one huge, gorgeous home a couple streets back whose older owners gave out great treats! One year, they had toys! Seriously, they had a table in their large foyer covered with toys…I picked a kite. Talk about awesome! I mean really, can you beat that?!
The only things better? Making my son’s ultracool Egon Spengler Ghostbusters costume one year and his eventual Halloween-themed wedding!
A KITE! Seriously, could only be beaten by a hang-glider! ;)
As for youe bro’s wedding, super-dooper awesome Kathy!!!
Huh. Never realised there was so much in it. I’ve never gone trick-or-treating in my life. :-\
NEVER! I challenge you to dress up as say… Jesse Woodson James~1847, and go out on the town this Halloween:)
Haha! That is an idea, but I’m afraid, as an Australian, my true blue, fair dinkum Pop would be so ashamed of this act of Americanism! ;)
well being Canadian, I’d have to say that you’d be fair to middling:)
Think on it as an exercise in multiculturalism…you’d be expanding your horizons! LOL!
good call, Kathy=D
And getting chocolate. ;)
Now you’re talking…
You go girl!!!
Seriously? You’ve never been trick-or-treating? You need to get out there this year and do it. I don’t care how old you are, dress up as something silly and get some free candy, girl!
Yeah, but that’s the sad thing. Here’s how it would probably turn out:
(Knock-knock)
ME: Trick-or-treat!
HOMEOWNER: (staring at weird 20-something-year-old wearing a Tom Riddle-ish costume)
ME: (happily offering basket for chocolate-collection)
HOMEOWNER: …We’re Australian. We don’t have anything to give you.
(Shuts door)
The only upside to this scenario is that, somewhere along the line, I wound up looking like Tom Riddle…
Ah well. There’s always Australia Day! ;)
Then you need to start the tradition of giving out free candy. You could get a bunch of people together and dress up and go… just to see what happens.
I can’t belive that Halloween is 2 short months away. Sadly, I won’t have Lilly to take trick-or-treating this year, its her fathers turn. Last year was the first year I didn’t really have a plan. It was Zach first time and I really didn’t expect him to stay awake, but him and sissy had a blast and there were times that we ended up back tracking and cutting through yards and even missing some houses.