#950 Big, fat asses

Neil Pasricha

And that's a good thing!

This ain’t no party line.

Let’s not talk about how you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you look like, or how it’s what’s inside that counts. Let’s talk about the big ol’ side of ham hanging out the back of your pants. That’s a great side of ham for five big reasons:

1. Built-in seat cushion. Everywhere you go, everywhere you sit, things are just a bit more cushy. Tough bicycle seats on long bike rides, waiting chairs at the doctor’s office, the hard plastic fold-downs at the baseball game — yes, they all transform into soft and comfortable relax-o-sits. Practical and convenient.

2. You last the longest after a crash landing in the mountains. The skinny, bony people on your rugby team won’t last long camping out and shivering in the hollow, burnt-out fuselage. No, the harsh, unforgiving Andes will eat them right up. But your generous reserves will kick-in and start feeding the rest of your body so you’ll have more energy to flag down a plane.

3. Baby got baby. Larger rears often mean wider hips on women which means a body riper for fertility and making babies. If you want to have kids, you might find it a bit easier to do so. And hey, some of us wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for fat asses, so give it up, y’all.

4. Better conga line caboose. Say you’re at a wedding and Feeling hot! hot! hot! comes on. The crowd cheers and a giant, winding conga line begins snaking around the dance floor. Well, my friend, that big, fat ass you got is the best caboose on that conga line. So I say shake it. Nobody wants to see a rail-thin toothpick awkwardly shimmying at the back of the line. No, they want to see someone just loving it, just getting right into it, just shaking their ass like there’s no tomorrow. Olé, olé, indeed.

5. Say no to diabetes. According to these eggheads at Harvard, folks with a larger rear end may have a smaller chance of getting diabetes. Yeah, they call it subcutaneous fat, and it apparently helps improve sensitivity to insulin, which helps keep blood sugar in check. Thanks, Harvard! And thanks, fat ass!

So if you have a big, fat ass, I say love it for real. Because your big, fat ass is keeping you comfortable, helping you survive, pumping out babies, getting the dance floor hopping, and keeping diabetes in check. Just tell me that’s not

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

Happy Friday, everyone!

Let’s have some fun this weekend!

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Good luck!

Neil

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171 thoughts to “#950 Big, fat asses”

  1. Neil, Neil, Neil…Kathy, Kathy, Kathy…PEOPLE PLEASE, when opportunity knocks one simply must open the royal door~

    1. One of my fave…part of my musical triumvirate (Pink Floyd, Queen, and YES)! Freddy’s my hero! Thanks for the vid and the smile, Wendy! Fat Bottom Girls, indeed!

  3. the day on vacation when you forget what day it is (I think this might’ve been said already, but it is awesome nonetheless!)

  6. the perfect gift. something you needed, something you didnt even know you needed, or just a thoughtful present. AWESOME

  11. Finding something you need and/or a must have at a flea market, garage sale and/or thrift shop, or salvage yard.

  12. when you finally figure out the lyrics to a song you’ve been singing,oh so very wrong for a lonnng time AND laugh until it hurts with your daughter who was singing it the very same way wrong!

    1. OMG, this just happened with a friend of mine! We were out and she was loudly singing along with a song that’s rather risque. I eventually noticed that she was singing the wrong, much less risque lyrics. When I told her, we all had a great laugh with her…so much fun!

      1. Hahaha I found that out on Outward Bound too!! My very funny yet slightly dippy friend was singing ‘Whistle Baby’ the whole time but instead of “Come be my whistle baby” she was singing “I wish I could whistle better” and we were like “YOU KNOW WHAT THE SONG’S ABOUT, RIGHT? HOW DOES THAT RELATE??” and it was so funny haha -__-

        1. Kathy, Emmy, what a way to 5am. rise…BELLY Laugh!!! Thanks:)
          So, ya;, we’re having lunch, water-front Gastown, the song is Hotel California, Christina says, “Oh that’s what he’s singing~ I can smell eucalyptes, rising up through the air~ I’ve been singing it like this…*she proceeds to give her, and I mean get down into and belt it out, head held back like a rocker and all, ~ One spell aquellegious, rising up through the air…” Inhabitionless hackling laughter ensues! I realize she learned the line from me! Granted there was no google search, but seriously,,,
          so I had to ask if she knew the 80’s song, “Farmer…”
          SOOOO Awesome!

          1. OK, so, you guys originally thought it was “One spell aquellegious, rising up through the air…?” LOL! What the heck is aquellegious?! And she just figured out it was “I can smell eucalptes…?” LOLOLOL, even better ’cause they’re wrong, too! Ahem, I don’t sing well, but here goes: “Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air.” I’ll let you look up colitas…

                  1. They’re the biggest laughs I’ve had in a while! 2 chickens to paralyze?! The girl with Colitis goes by?! They’re hysterical! They take the cake on best screwed up lyrics, in my book! That Straight Dope article is quite funny, too. Thanks for article and the vids, girls!

                    1. I cannot believe you didn’t catch this one Kathy! And I must stand corrected again as well as extend apology to Straight Dope: “The girl with kaleidescope eyes,” is a Beatles line from “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.” I was confusing it with the Rolling Stones song, “The girl with the far away eyes!” But my memory served me pretty well in finding this comment…Since completely unrelated to blog post topic, this is Surprisingly amazingly awesome! I shall be off now to have an awesome day~ ttfn=D

  13. I live in Idaho, and there is nothing better than fry sauce to dip hot French fries into.. Big Mac sauce pales in comparison to this..

    1. What is fry sauce??? French fries are a way of life for me and I’d love to know a new way to eat them!

      1. I’m not Debby or from Idaho but there’s a restaurant in our town makes one like this:
        1/2 cup Mayo, 1/4 cup mustard, 1-2 teaspoons honey and 1 big pickle grated in…
        mix seasonal salt with french fries while baking or fresh from fryer and serve with the delicious dipping sauce:)

  15. Getting your application accepted! I GOT INTO THE NATIONAL YOUTH SCIENCE FORUM AND I’M SOOO SOOOO SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!! Bekah already knows :D You get to go to Canberra and have guest speakers from around he world and do sciency activities at all the prestigious institutes and research centres and meet people from aorund Australia and just generally have a ball!!!

  18. When you wake up late but still manage to do all that you do on a normal morning and still catch the bus on time :D

  19. Oh, I have missed a lot of contests!
    That picture of the kids with the chalk made me laugh so hard. I like my bum. Not small at all, not flat, not huge, its just riiiiight.
    Awesome thing that I haven’t mentioned before…. hmmm…. getting to work only to realize I still have my son’s pacifier in my pocket. I take it out and set it on my desk and look at it all day, thinking ofhim.

  23. I don’t know who the heck you are, but I totally relate your sense of humor and personality. You crack my ass up. I feel strangely close to you right now.

  27. You finished some respectable points near. I searched on the internet for the problem and originate most ancestors will relate with together with your website.

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