The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy states that if you are eating a meal with someone who ordered fries, and you didn’t order fries, you’re entitled to grab one of their fries and eat it just as it’s landing on the table as long as a) you ask first, b) you make eye contact with them and raise your eyebrows until they nod, or c) you just know them really well.
Also, since you’re getting first dibs on their sizzling stick-pile of delicious, hot, oily fries, it’s only fair that you purposefully avoid any obviously amazing fry in the pile. You know that really, really long McDonald’s fry sticking out of the box? Probably shouldn’t touch that. But the thin, crispy short ones, the oversalted ones, and the regular, limp n’ floppy ones? Those are all fair game, my friend. All fair game.
But be careful out there: The policy can be abused. Some people might start pecking away at the fry-pile then just start gaining momentum, unable to stop gorging themselves on your plate once they get started. They just keep testing the waters, pushing the envelope, snacking away until you move your plate out of reach or ask them politely how their food tastes. I’m serious, you need to watch out for these Gorgers, because they’ll dent your fry-pile if you’re not careful.
Secondly, watch out for those diner plates that come with only a dozen fries. You know what I’m talking about. Those places that give you a small pile of thick, baked-potato-tasting fries, and that’s it. Those piles are off-limits! Sorry, but the Universal Fry-Sharing Policy simply does not cover extremely small piles of chunky-style fries. It would be too much to take one of those fries. The percentages just don’t work.
Finally, there is one Appendix to The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy. Conveniently, it is called Appendix One and it simply states that after somebody who ordered fries finishes their meal and pushes their leftover pile of dry, cold, ketchup-smeared fries into the center of the table the first dibs go to people who didn’t get fries. Second dibs go to those who already demolished a stack of them, but just want more. And third dibs go to the guy washing the dishes in the back.
So thanks, Universal Fry-Sharing Policy. Your existence is a win-win, balancing the tables by helping us fry guys trim down the calories and helping the “Can I substitute salad for fries?” folks enjoy some guilty pleasure while still meeting their Eatin’ Healthy goals.
AWESOME!
I love this policy! :)
So official. And so deliciously AWESOME.
Totally agree!!
It looks like the baby poked itself in the eye with that fry! Awww….
Who doesn’t like fries? Everyone knows that sharing fries is a thing. Its just one of those unwritten rules. Maybe someone should write a book about all the unwritten/unspoken rules that applies to everyone that everyone already knows about.
I could really go for a fry or 2…or a bunch… right about now. Fries for breakfast….why not?!!
This post should be titled The Universal Fry-Sharing Behavior. It’s one helluva study :-)
I have studied this closely and know this “behavior” to have began with babies-toddlers. Note, the first thing they do upon discovery of their pincer grasp in action with the finger food, “french fry”, is offer the longest one up, naturally. Since babies-toddlers behaviors are universal, a collective consciousness was perhaps unconsciously formed in most across the universe…to share! The behavior was instilled, yes learned, from babies-toddlers… and so shall be, across the universe forever more!
For post #941~ Sallute to, and thanks be, to babies-toddlers everywhere for The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy:)
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah….Hallelujah, halleluuujaaahhh!!!
And Sharing is Caring… (although not for the calories you share) :-)
…(mind over matter, in moderation…study conclusive:)
Ya know, you guys can turn even fry-stealing/sharing into a warm & fuzzy moment. Thanks for that!
Thanks for relieving my guilt, Neil! I only order fries a few times/year, but I almost always bum a couple off someone else. I usually wait until they’ve pushed their plate away – except if it’s my husband. I’ve learned to get them at the beginning because he’s a fast fry eater.
Bekah – I thought the same thing. The poor little guy. Hopefully it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it.
This indeed, well… Awesome! We really needed some rules concerning those fries. Without the Universal Fry-Sharing Policy, life would probably be total anarchy. Or at least restaurants and diners would be total anarchy. Anyway, this post is one of my all-time favorites. I just really love fries.
I almost always reference the universal fry sharing policy whenever I take fries from any of my friends. If they look at me questionably, I just say “Dude. Universal fry sharing policy. Look it up.”
LOL this is so true!! One must always share fries, especially when they are hot because that would not be right. But is there a clause if you hangry pants? Nahh fries are fries!!!
OK, I didn’t see the baby poking his eye…I thought he overshot his mouth and stuck it straight into his nose. LOL! Poor baby! Ick, you remember what salt up your nose feels like, right? OK, so maybe as an adult you never stuck fries up your nose to make someone laugh (I thought everyone did this), but it’s not a really pleasant feeling. It’s followed by much snorting and nose-blowing. But a good time was had by all! :D
Oh, and fries…nyum, nyum, nyum! I steal them all the time. I’m a I-don’t-want-a-whole-order-so-you’ll-give-me-a-few-of-yours-right kind of person.
Hmmm… I totally disagree with this one. If you want fries, order fries. The same goes for dessert. Don’t say you don’t want dessert, then beg off mine. I want ALL of my dessert… that’s why I ordered it!
Hahahah I tottaly agree….. when someone orders for fries and I don’t, my hands automatically grab one (or more) without even asking. That is such a fact that once, I went to Mc Donald’s with my family, and my dad ordered for fries. We were waiting to pick up the food, and the Mc Donald’s lady put the fries on the tray. I automatically grabbed one and ate it. My dad and my sister started to laugh, and I couldn’t understand why. Then they told me that wasn’t our tray – it was from the guy that was right by our side. That means that the rule applies to anyone’s fries. except for mines!
In our family, we call it the “fry tax.” Doesn’t matter what food it is. For instance, if you are eating an ice cream bar and someone calls “fry tax” you know you have to give up a bite! But of course, it originated from McDonald’s french fries. And it’s awesome!
Very cool, Melissa!